Family Dilemma...................

Earth_Angel_2

gingercordial wrote: »

I would say go (all of you), on the weekend before his birthday, because it's not your nephew's fault and especially with his grandma being 91 she may not be there for future significant birthdays (sorry, don't want to upset you by saying this).

And no way would he have wanted you all there at his main party with his mates the following weekend, he's 18! Was his nan supposed to stay up all night boozing with a bunch of 18 year old lads?

Good luck!

According to my aunt, he's only invited a few friends and wanted the whole family there

And exactly what i said, what about nan? What is she meant to do?

We took nan to sis house nearly a year ago and it took her 3 days to recover from the journey. (375 miles round trip) I dont think they have even thought about that bit.

paddy's_mum

In your shoes, I think I would arrange a day or two before to go down with the dreaded lurgie and unfortunately that means that we can't come - you wouldn't all want to catch it, would you?! Daren't give lurgie to a 91 year old!

Why not send your nephew the money you would have spent on travelling, b&b etc and suggest that he gives himself a weekend visiting his Nan and all of you, at your end of the country at your expense, as an expression of your love for, and desire to keep contact with, him?

Earth_Angel_2

PADDY'S MUM - i think you have just come up with the perfect solution!!!

For the first time ever i'm looking forward to getting the lurgie :rotfl:

Thanks x

wisewoman

Earth_Angel wrote: »

Thanks for your replies so far.
In answer to bluebells question, yes we did know about 5-6 weeks ago there was going to be a party. The date never actually got confirmed til about 2 weeks ago and i was speaking to nephew on messenger, i thought it was being held the weekend we had planned to go, (work had allready accommadated this weekend). The reason i thought it was this weekend is because his birthdayday is on the monday. Never realised he was holding it the following weekend. Normally the partys are to the nearest weekend (IYSWIM - ,mon/tue weekend before, thur/fri weekend after, on a wed take your pick!)
No we are not as close as what we used to be, too many troubled waters. Sis and i have only been on speaking terms for about 18 months after nearly 4 years of not speaking, My father is still not speaking to me (too stubburn/proud to admit he was wrong ) i did try on several occaisions to talk to him but he made it clear that he didnt want to know.
Dad actually made an effort to come to my nans new house about 5 weeks ago, my sis had gone on holiday and left her 9yo and 15 yo with our nan.
I bumped into dad at nans and he saw my children for the first time in 4 years. (but thats a separate thread :rolleyes: ) I dont even know if he plans on going to the party himself. I know my aunt is going down on the day of the party but from what she says, they are leaving before it starts!
The party is being held in my BIL's local and from what aunt says nephew dont plan on arriving til after 9pm

Its one of those situations where no matter what i do i will be wrong.
To make matters worse, i have just spoken to our younger sister, and she and her family haven't even been invited. (we live10 mins away from each other)

My sister tends to be very 'hot-headed' ,also i think she likes to blame others for her own mistakes, thats why there is a lot of conflict between her and our mum, She blames mum for a lot of things that have happened in her life rather than taking responsibility for her own actions.
I love her dearly, but i am unwilling to go to the party by myself + it's too long a drive with the 2 children by myself. Also i dont want to go all that way and be ignored all night.

I understand that she is upset and is standing by her son, but the date should have been set from the very begining. Also an invite to a party is just that.......an invite
I would have thought that providing nephew has his mates there it dont really matter about the rest of us.

Abandon the trip to the party, but send your nephew the fare for him and a friend to travel to you on a weekend that suits him. Show him a great weekend, and he can also see his nan, and gran w/o them travelling 150+ miles. He's young and fit, and will travel more easily than a frail lady in her 90s. Have you any rock concerts/events/theme parks near you that might entice him? Leave your sister to calm down...even if it's only in time for his 21st.

livinginhope

EA,could I just say that I think your sister may be just getting a little 'frayed' due to trying to sort her son's birthday and making it the perfect party she wants for him,the fact that people are dropping like flies is adding to the upset for her,i don't think she realises what she is doing,she is probably concerned that everything must go alright and is upsetting people,it's like sorting a wedding,there are always arguments or family feuds due to the pressure of getting everything right
I think 150 miles is not that far,it's perfectly acceptable to drive this with 2 children on your own I think that there is a little bit of you,that just doesn't want to go to your sister's house but you are trying to make excuses,when you shouldn't have to,if you don't want to go,don't
I think the idea of inviting your nephew to stay is a very good one,it will be even better for nan,she will be able to have some quality time with her great grandson without all the tiredness that travelling will bring.
Good luck with sorting this,I didn't want to offend you with this post I just wanted to try and show things from your sister's point of view
LIH

sticher

Do you think your sister could just possibly be hurt and upset that (in her eyes) you are not bothering with her sons 18th? Her reaction may just be because she is hurt?

My nephew had an 18th party last year for all the family and his friends - it was great. ( his mates stayed in the garden mostly, but everyone had a good time).

I don't feel my sister is really bothered or not whether she sees me or my children (she says she is but I can't remember the last time she saw them and she never comes to my house). I would feel really let down if she didn't come to my sons 18th.

At the end of the day your nephew will only be 18 once and he will probably see you not attending his party in the same way his Mum does.