'supporting each other through really tough times'

jem132

Hi all hope everyone is well xx

I am not sure this really is the place to post this but feel I know you all.

Dh and I lost our triplets 4 years ago Last November I was 13 weeks pregnant. Dh was working away he did come home the next day when my friend phoned him and told him I had lost the babies. I was going to leave telling him till he got home 3 days later as he was at the other end of the country and was worried about him driving all that way, as it was he drove home through the night. But since then we have had 3 more miscarriages and have decided enough is enough. The problem is our relationship has changed since we lost the babies and I don't know how to get bk what we have lost .xx

7_week_wonder

Oh Jem, I didn't want to just read without stopping to give you a big hug.
I have no words of wisdom, but stick around and keep talking (to us and OH) and maybe that will help, even just a little bit.

Take care of yourself - and I wish I had a magic wand to make it better.

savingqueen

Hello everyone

How are you today softsoft?

Mrs LW - thanks for sharing about your mum. I had no idea, you are a strong, wise and wonderful woman.

Katieowl - I too read your post about your friend with mental health problems shocking - to think these situations happen in 2013 beggars belief. Sometimes the world just isn't fair. I hope her situation improves and she gets housed more permanately.

All we can do as individuals is our own little bit - helping people we love and strangers when appropriate, giving what we can whether it's love, compassion, humour, time, money, energy etc, voting/campaigning/supporting causes we beleive in - all these things however small add up to making our world a much better place than if no-one at all gave a damn.

Byatt - thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way

Hester - full of admiration for you coping through hard times

BTW I loved Pam Ayres as a child.

sq:)

sevenup01

(((hugs))) to all in need of them. Life can be so tough and it isnt fair at all. I wish it was though.

I babysat for a friend yesterday and it was great....apart from the extremely stinky nappy i had to change! we went to the park for half an hour and came back absolutley frozen. We were all glad of a hot drink to warm us through again.

today i am taking my little brother for a cambhs appointment to find out what therapy/councelling etc they are going to offer him. Dad is trying to get some time off work to meet us there.

savingqueen

((((((Jem)))) - hard to know what to say but wanted you to know I am thinking of you. You have been though an awful lot poor love. Time won't let you forget but it will ease the pain until its bearable. Sending you strength to get through and lots of hugs.

Have you had any counselling? If not worth considering and/or getting in touch with orgs that can help like the Miscarriage Association (think that's the name). Talking does help. We are here for you - please pm me if you need a shoulder.

sq:)

Softstuff

Aw Jem *hugs*. I really don't know what to say, apart from send you all my love. It's an area I have no experience or understanding, but I know there'll be ladies here who do and can offer help.

SQ, (I'm assuming it's me you were asking ) I think the tablets are clearing it and I'm on the up, just darned exhausted. At least my optimism is increasing a bit. If anyone wants to lose a few lbs, have I got a diet plan for you.....

jem132

Thanks for all your kind words.

We just don't seem to be as together anymore we rely sleep in the same bed don't kiss or cuddle anymore or hold hands when we are out. Dh won't talk about it at all.

And to top it all Dh went to the docs becose he's got an enlarged scrotum and was asked by the gp if he had been having second with anyone but me. Our service life was really good before now well its pretty much non existent. It all feels a bit funny to me. He then had the cheake to ask me if I have :mad: like when would I have the time or the inclination it just makes me wonder with all the hours he's been doing and not been paid right. Anyway he's got some antibiotics and taken in a sample and to go bk in ten days. I don't know what to think

I am not sure we could servie if he has been doing that..........

Byatt

Jem, I'm so sorry about your miscarriages. I have had fertility problems as my ex gave me an std, but I didn't realise, naievty being my middle name then. (we adopted eventually, and that's a whole other story)

Your OH obviously told you what the doctor said. Maybe you can go along with him on his next appointment to get the full story. He shouldn't be worried about you going but if he is, then you need to find out if you should be tested too. You should find out anyway.

My ex was a serial adulterer, but again, I was very naive, very trusting and didn't find out the full stories till much, much later.

Communication is key. But take things a step at a time. And as SQ says, counselling, as it's a bereavement you have gone through.

Thanks Kidcat and Softstuff for your support. I'm sorry I gave the impression that I was worried about the tests, I'm not as like you said SS, it's a step towards help hopefully. My main worry is they won't find anything because then what is the pain all about?

Anyway, saw doctor this morning, and I'm being referred. Just wait and see now.

[Deleted User]

JEM pet, no advice just love and hugs coming your way, it sounds as though you both need to find a way to become one unit again, after such trauma as loosing those babies to miscarriage it must be soul wrenching and I can see how if you haven't been able to talk about it becomes more and more lonely, men can hurt too much to be able to talk about things, feel they have to be the supporting one while they are hurting just as much, he might find it easier to talk to a councillor who isn't emotional , it might help you both.

I can only remember one Pam Ayres Poem -

I am a bunny rabbit,
I sit 'ere in me 'utch,
I like to sit up this end,
I don't care for that end much,
Tomorrow it is Thursday
and with a bit of luck,
If I remember rightly -
Thats the day they pass the Buck!!!!!

Naughty but makes me smile every time!!! Cheers Lyn xxx.

fuddle

Hi Jem. I've been thinking about what I can say to you today and to be honest I still don't know where I'm going to go with this post.

I had a miscarriage in Novemeber 2011. No one except DH knows and will never know. It's something that is hidden, that is only really felt when we both get that look in our eyes around newborns. The reason why I don't know what to post is because I have got my girls and I think miscarriage, however awful for anyone, must be crippling to parents who don't have children. We don't talk about it Jem, we just don't. I think about it a lot but can't afford to let it effect me, as far too much has me anxious and panicky already. I feel it too Jem but only a little, I suspect, to what you feel.