'supporting each other through really tough times'

Mrs_Veg_Plot

kidkat enjoy your special day with your family today. My initial reaction was to be angry at your extended family but that turned to pity as I thought about how much they are missing out on by treating you this way. Take comfort in the fact that you were a comfort to your uncle when he needed it the most. I am also impressed that with a young family to look after you were able to deliver all of those deserts.

HM crumpets for breakfast this morning. The mixture has to sit for an hour so have left everyone in bed and I a enjoying a cuppa and a quick scoot around the internet. Having them with yogurt honey and spiced fruits.

Byatt I have stored a large sack of carrots in the garage covered in a blanket over winter. I have just about finished them all now, they kept perfectly well as are the spuds and onions I am storing the same way. You just have to empty them out occasionally to check for any that are going off (only ever found one). My parents do this every winter as well

nuttyp

mrs VP we buy our potatoes direct from the farm, so a sack of spuds is around £5 here. We put them on top of a few bits of cardboard or a few newspapers and then wrap them up all snuggly under a blanket or some old carpet off cuts.

Byatt

Mrs VP, thanks for the tip, I haven't a garage, but will store some and freeze some. I often eat a raw carrot as a snack.

I have always been the coper in the family, and it is my experience that it isn't appreciated over time, but resented. Resentment and jealousy arises because they don't want to depend on you, so they minimise what you do and therefore in their eyes what you are doing is seen as nothing much at all. I whinge on here, but not in real life, so to speak. No-one would know how I was feeling or what I've been through, even in my deepest depression. If someone needed help, I'd be there for them. That is my nature, which I'm not going to change (although I might modify) as it's who I am.

I agree Mrs VP, Kidcat's family are to be pitied as they are missing out being with a very special person. She has done all she could despite their treatment of her, imagine how wonderful the relationship could be if they realised this.

SDG31000

Morning everyone

Yes I'm here again, turning up like a bad penny or Shegar in a burger

fuddle I am sure that you do wonderfully on the course. Good luck with it
kidcat Have a huge hug from me (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) I would offer you the last bit of chocolate cake, but I get the feeling you have more than enough sugar based stuff in the house. You are a fantastic person and don't let anyone ever make you feel less than that xxx
McCulloch My condolences for your loss xxx
Mrs Veg Plot I hope your back is doing better today.
Softstuff Get well soon xxxx

I'm doing ok at the moment, still a bit down and my Agoraphobia is making itself know every now and again, but I'm getting there. I had to get my blood pressure checked on Monday and told the Dr that my anxiety and Agoraphobia were quite bad and that I wasn't doing too well. Her response was "Just chill, try to do something you enjoy every day and take time for yourself" About as useful as a chocolate teapot :mad: That's really going to help with the panic attacks and not wanting to get out of bed. I've given up any hope of getting help on the NHS to be honest. If we ever have the money I will get proper therapy. I can only get 8 sessions on the NHS and that isn't going to fix anything.

I did get into London on Saturday to see the gorgeous Mr Garcia in Kiss Me Kate. It was wonderful Funny and dazzling and entertaining. Even DH was very impressed and he basically went to humour me. I was good and managed to resist singing along with the songs I knew. Anyone fancy a rousing chorus of "I hate men"? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mR2Pom1BMBk

Today I'm in work this afternoon and have to try to get DH out of bed and sorting out the stuff in the old shed. My new one gets delivered tomorrow and we have help on friday. So even if they are only able to take the old one down it will help a lot. Unfortunately the shed isn't big enough to put DH and the monsters in, but it should hopefully mean that the boxes of tools and tangles of cables will leave the house. I've already claimed the space for my knitting stash, much to the displeasure of DH. I think he was hoping to refill it with yet more computer bits.

Time for tea. Take care everyone.

P.S. Nursie hasn't turned up here, but I have the cattle prod and strait jacket on standby and will leave a space in the new shed just in case she needs deprogramming again. Any word on how those poor rugby players are?

Softstuff

*hugs* SDG31000, sorry to hear you've been suffering, but very glad you managed to get out to something enjoyable.

Hope the "prune effect" eases for you soon Nuttyp.

And thanks for the love. Again. I really thought this year would perk up after the disaster that was last year, but it seems to be going a bit cack so far.

elona

Gentle and wary hug to Softstuff and nuttyp and hope things get better for you soon.

I agree with everyone's comments about kidcat's relatives seeing her as capable and reliable but not realising how much they expect of her. If she were not so nice then less would be taken for granted.

Softstuff

I know what you mean about last year being carp and am just glad that it was not worse - fingers crossed. DH has the habit of being a bit pessimistic so he gets "the look" and told "Well we will just have to cope and we will! "

DD has someone coming round to see her so once I know I am not needed I can have a nice long shower and shampoo in peace.

DH has gone to a market - possibly farmer's market to look for a new garden mower and has also to collect his car as the parking sensor keeps beeping and getting stuck.

Have no idea what to make tonight but possibly spicy turnip soup to use up the huge bag that DH bought from farm store a while ago. If I feel up to it might do tomatoey mince like bolognese base and turn it into fancy shepherd's pie or else lasagne.

Everyone enjoyed the mushroom bhajis and marinated chicken last night and hope tonight's meal works out as well.

Hug to all.

fuddle

Been a longtime since I've heard the word cack and sometimes I think it's really rather fitting.

Nutty my mam is alcohol dependent so we always expect her drinking when were around her but yesterday was awful.

It so surreal to read other family dynamics. I can totally understand the psychology behind behaviour of what is happening in your family now that Lyn and Byatt have explained. Byatt explained to me once why my mam behaves the way she does, especially the emotional side, and that has helped me be more blas! about what she says or does. Yesterday was the first time since well before we moved that I have let her bother me. Because I don't feed her needs (by not responding in the way she wants) I haven't seen or heard from her for months. DH thinks yesterday was all about attention for her in what ever form she could get it.

How do you cut off toxic people when you know that by cutting them off (for your own and families mental health) you will be causing them more hurting and fuelling her killing herself with alcohol. Short answer is you can't. I can't anyway.

Kidcat, I feel what you're going through at the moment, not only are you dealing with grief but you have to deal with really poor behaviour from your support network. Just a horrid situation.

My dog decided to not go in his bed after his muddy morning walk and trampled his muddy paws over the cream carpet... So all that above is completely irrelevant because I have more pressing matters to attend

All is ok folks, all is ok

Softstuff

fuddle wrote: »

Been a longtime since I've heard the word cack and sometimes I think it's really rather fitting.

Cack was as poopy as I could type without it getting filtered out

Fuddle, you're not responsible for what your mum does. You've got to look after yourself, your husband and your kids, they don't need to be around her and her antics. If you were to cut her off, it'd be up to her what she did and in no way your responsibility or doing.

Elona, I think I might need the same talking to you give your OH, I seem to be running short of the old optimism. I sat thinking of the number of things that have gone wrong for me, particularly healthwise and feel like a bloody hypochondriac.... except I have had/have everything! There just doesn't seem to be the light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel just gets longer. And *I'm* sick to death of my own whining, let alone how everyone else thinks of me as a whinger.

Cheapskate

Softstuff, you're not a whinger, we've all done our fair share of ranting and moaning when it's all too much, one way or another, and we all take turns giving each other virtual hugs - please take one of mine!

Fuddle, you know I've got toxic rellies, too, but what can we do? If we do cut them off, in the hope that they'll come to their senses, would they, or would they just sink further?

Mcculloch, sorry didn't say before, but I'm so sorry you've lost your friend - please accept a hug as well x

I'm having a slightly bad week, mentally, have now received official referral letter for counselling, so am I officially "nuts" now? I can feel myself sinking again, so after lunch the littlies and I are visiting a chum, so all the kids can play whilst my friend and I moan together about what's wrong with ourselves and the world! Free therapy? :rotfl:

A xo

savingqueen

Hi everyone,

Seems like lots of us are in need of a hug today.

Kidcat - you are a diamond and it's a shame your extended family do not appreciate you. We do - as do your kids and RL friends. Maybe now is the time to take stock a bit and next time a family issue arises, be a little more selfish and think of your needs as well. Your own immediate family and yourself come first and you need to do whatever it takes for that to happen. It you are stressed/burnt out you will be no good to anyone. We all think you are wonderful!

fuddle - sorry you had to face what happenned yesterday with your mum. I can empathise with you - I grew up surrounded by alcohol problems (a couple of extended family members but that was enough in itself) and MIL and FIL (especially MIL) are alcohol dependent. DH and siblings won't accept the fact but I know they are - whether they would be classed as alcoholics I'm not sure but at the very least they are very heavy regular drinkers and not nice to be around once they start drinking.

People with alcohol problems, same as any problems really can only be helped if they want to accept help. You cannot live their lives but you do have a choice in how you deal with them. You do all you can to cope in a difficult situation and you can do no more.

mcculoch - I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. Thanks for sharing the facebook post - what a lovely and inspirational person. I am thinking of you and wishing you strength to cope with your grief. Glad you have so many happy memories to keep forever.

have more posts I wanted to answer but have to go and sort some bits out. Thinking of you all and will be back later

sq:)