'supporting each other through really tough times'

monnagran

Hi everyone.

mcculloch: So sorry. I think it's one of the hardest things in life, to lose a friend. It's really hard to take in and if you are anything like me you cannot believe that if you ring their number they won't answer you. I have lost two 'best' friends, both to the damned 'C' and both far too early.

fuddle: Oh, you little star, you. Everything crossed for you as you get ready for the rest of your life. You are such a survivor, you deserve to succeed.

Lots more people I wanted to mention but can't remember who you were now.

My life continues on its express-train way. The Rev has damaged her foot and has been told she must rest it for two weeks. Some hope. She's off to at a meeting as I type.
Half-term week which means that my DGS is over here with his father for the week. My DIL2B has sent me the most beautiful photo of him taken this morning. He is bent over Mia, gazing at her with such tenderness and she is looking right up into his eyes and smiling at him. They are quite obsessed with each other. So much for the 'expert' who told me not to expect him, as an autistic, to feel, or show, love for his family. He is one of the most loving small boys I have met.

I hope to be on here a bit more but find that by the time I have caught up with the thread there is no time to actually post. I'm not supposed to be on here now. The church magazine looms yet again.
Surely it can't be a month since I wrote the last one. Oh yes it can.

love to you all.
x

Kidcat: Lots of love and comforting hugs. You do have the comfort of knowing that you did everything you could for your uncle and for your family. If they can't accept that then they are the losers. Treasure your friends, they will be your family.

Byatt

Kidcat, (((((((hugs)))))))),

in my life it has been my friends that have held me up when I felt I could no longer stand; who have made me laugh when I thought I would never laugh again, and made me feel loved, wanted and valued.

I would not be here today without them.

Do your cousins (your uncle's children) know why you weren't at the funeral?

gran3

kidcat wrote: »

Thanks GQ I must remember that - I often see veg reduced instore but know I dont have time to blanch it first so give it a miss.

Its been a rough few days here, funeral was yesterday, I delivered my flowers to the directors and then delivered all the desserts too. I ended up with 55 desserts so delivered them all - my dad returned 48 of them later that evening - apparently very few people attended the party bit!
So I was left with not one thank you, not one message to say I was missed, seriously out of pocket and loads of desserts I could not store.

It was a sad day as it finally hit me - that I had not only lost my Uncle, I had in fact lost the illusion of a caring family too.

I was however blessed with incredible friends who all did the utmost to keep me laughing all day, propping me when needed, one even went as far as coming with me to deliver the desserts. And then of course several called around later when I sent a distress call out - and took away desserts that I couldnt cope with

i'm so sorry. you seem to be the heartbeat of you immediate and extended family. older folks seem to have no personal skills which allow them to deal with emotional matters. in the end, it matters not, you know how much you did and supported others, so you can live with yourself. at the end of the day, will others be able or willing to? hold your head up with the knowledge that you did the right thing.

stiltwalker

Sending you big hugs kidcat - glad you had good RL friends to ease the way (and help out with the puddings!)

I really feel for with the whole family thing. Although we have great support from some areas, others are less - shall we say - useful.t's not through any kind of malice, more well meaning ignorance and lack of understanding of the challenges of special needs parenting. It still hurts though that there is not more effort made to see where we are at and to adapt to those challenges. There is also at times a lack of appreciation of what we still manage to do for others. o occasionally I wait til the kids are safely tucked up then I drink a little to much wine and have a good old rant at DH using words that I would definately not be happy to hear the children repeat LOL(and you just know that those words would be the one clear thing DD said in a week!!!) Then I look at what we have - wonderful kids, a bunch of fantastic friends and each other and realise that we have created our own family - some we are actually related to and many others we have picked who are not but who are closer than others who are and that is my caring family - blood ties be damned!!

There is much truth in the saying that you can pick your friends but not your family, but then who is to say what is a family? and who is to say you can't pick a new one?

Hugs to all my online 'family' stay safe and well. X

kidcat

Thank you all - you are right and I said as much earlier to my OH, we are blessed with incredible friends, both in RL and here too.

Byatt - I messaged my cousin and explained I wasnt going to be able to go as it was the one day my OH was working and that he wasnt able to take the day off - she replied " Okies no problem!"

And I know yesterday was hard for them all but in their shoes I would have found time to send a quick Thank you so much for the dessert type message or in the case of the rest of the family - a quick hey we missed you today, take care. But I think I had clearly placed too big an emphasis on how close we were and on how they felt about me.

We have a really exciting day planned for tomorrow, our group have booked a sensory play centre for an hour to ourselves and I have to say I am really looking forward to it - probably more so than the kids

Softstuff

*hugs* Mcculloch, sorry to hear of your friend.

*hugs* Kidcat, they really seem like an uncaring bunch some of your family. They're the ones who are missing out on being closer to you though, because you're such a lovely caring and practical person. I'll take 2 desserts if you can send them over the internets . Tomorrow does sound like a fun day, about time too.

Fuddle, with pancakes I sometimes skip the egg and mush up a banana in there instead, I've also been known to use half milk, half water with no ill effects.

I'm sorry I'm not up to date with much else in the thread really, I now have a stomach infection (you couldn't make it up frankly), which alongside my existing stomach issues and medication, has taken a hold. Cue more tablets, rest and perhaps a visit to the glue factory .

VJsmum

Hugs McCulloch - so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
Hugs Kidcat - what a bunch of to$$ers your family are. Sorry, but they are. Hold your head up high and know that you did everything you could when it mattered, have a wonderful day today.
Softstuff - you take care.

Morning all - haven't had too much to add lately so have been reading along silently (most unlike me! ). I caught up on the Panorama programme last night, what an idiot that Iceland bloke was "well we don't test for dog or cat either", maybe someone should, eh? :cool: It seems yet more government cuts has given the opportunists erm, opportunity to make additional profits. I don't buy ready made food much at all - most of what I do buy is vegetarian for DD, and the odd pizza. But I do feel for those who rely on these types of foods - my dad is one of them.

One thing is for sure - this horse business has taken some focus off the Government's care plan and the freezing of inheritence tax levels. Coincidence?


Half term and I have spent most of it at work. So I am taking today off as time owed and DD and I are going shopping this afternoon. DS is going to soccer school with our nearest Premier league club who run holiday schools at various high schools in the region. It is £15 per day, for him to get top notch training and far cheaper than a childminder. At least he is exercising his legs rather than his thumbs on the dratted X Box I am going mad in the shops and buying myself some new socks DD needs a few bits.

First I have to clean and tidy the house as DD is having a sleepover on Friday. 3 additional teenagers plus my two? I'll have no food left in the house by Saturday! :rotfl:

Have a good day all.

nuttyp

Morning everyone, tablets finally arrived instore at lunchtime yesterday. Have taken them as prescribed, really 500mg 4 times a day. IBS not having a good day, so today will be entertaining at work. Seems even tho they are suitable for IBS they are having the effect of prunes in a large amount!!!

mccolough, sorry re your news. Memories are something no one can take away and they stay forever with you. Im syre your friend felt blessed too to have met you and been allowed to share such happy times.

fuddle, sorry your mum made such a fuss, but getting blind drunk?? hummm. Hope you have enjoyed your peaceful overnight time child free. I bet your still relaxing now!!! Its nice that your mother inlaw is so kind and helpful. Im sure she has enjoyed her special nanny time alone spoiling her grand daughters.

Kidcat, sorry you didnt get to attend your uncle's funeral. Im sure he knows you were thinking of him. And its nice that you have such special friends who kept your spirits up throughout the day. Hope youve had a restful evening.

Today im not in at work until lunch time again, tomorrow i have a day off altogether so weather permitting i will be weeding and tidying up the front garden. the back can wait, as no one except me and my family see's it. Plus when the council does it drive by inspection i get a big tick for having a neat and tidy house. Then they wont want to come in and do a full inspection, even tho i have nothing to hide. Everywhere is clean but sometimes a little untidy. hey who lives in a tidy house anyway???

Well must do some things. Have a nice day everyone.

[Deleted User]

KIDCAT I've always found that when you are the coper, the strong one in a family, the one they call first in times of crisis your relatives tend to stop considering the fact that you are a person with needs too. They see you as so competent that you become the family cure all and therefore sort of invincible. I am so sorry that you have been used this way at a time of your own grief and the desserts issue is just plain silly but, despite all of this I am certain that all you do is appreciated, even by your parents it just hasn't occured to them that you could be feeling fragile too, because you are the positive and practical one!!!! Hugs pet, lots of them, we appreciate all you do, you are amazing!!!! Love Lyn xxx.

Cheapskate

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

KIDCAT I've always found that when you are the coper, the strong one in a family, the one they call first in times of crisis your relatives tend to stop considering the fact that you are a person with needs too. They see you as so competent that you become the family cure all and therefore sort of invincible. I am so sorry that you have been used this way at a time of your own grief and the desserts issue is just plain silly but, despite all of this I am certain that all you do is appreciated, even by your parents it just hasn't occured to them that you could be feeling fragile too, because you are the positive and practical one!!!! Hugs pet, lots of them, we appreciate all you do, you are amazing!!!! Love Lyn xxx.

Hear, hear, Lyn, well said! Kidcat, I hope your real friends are helping you through all this, hugs from me, too. You've done all the right things for your uncle, and then some; I'm sure he's watching you and approves!

I get this from people I know, too. They think I do so well they never stop to offer a hand. I'm guilty of letting the assumption continue, though, even to the point that only DH and grown up DS at home knows I'm on ADs. I'd be mortified if our other 2 grown up kids knew!

A xo