'supporting each other through really tough times'

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE - I think you may just have put into understandable words how a lot of folks actually feel about religion and things religious. The basis of the christmas celebration is an adaption by the church of the old pagan celebrations anyhow, go with what makes sense to you and yours and which ever gods/spirits it applies to will be happy for your celebratory joy!!! Cheers Lyn xxx.

savingqueen

Afternoon everyone

Its horrible weather wise here, had lots of rain, garden looks like a swamp. However we had no plans to go out so very grateful for that and staying cozy indoors. Already had a lovely hot bath earlier and been drinking lots of hot drinks and caving into a bit of R&R today. I made a new nail polish out of old colours I didn't like separately (A very dark inky purple and a pale sparkly cream) and got a lighter, really vibrant sparkly purple (can't think of the colour) and my toenails look quite glam now. Only thing is I feel so incredibly sleepy and I have to prise myself off the chair soon and go and make a shepherd's pie for our dinner.

Cats woke me up at 6am this morning, moaning to go out (we don't have a cat flap, nowhere to put it with our back doors being french doors with glass either side and no money to install one in glass.) DS1 was curled up with my favourite throw watching kids TV and said "you don't want to know what time I've been up since mum!)" with a huge grin on his face- just like this . He had been up since 4am :eek: I sent him back to bed for a bit and told him he is forbidden from getting up until at least 6.30 am. Worried he might turn on inappropriate TV channels and also it was freezing cold. He will be going to bed very early tonight.

Think stripy cat is going senile - when I resurfaced from bed found him sitting outside in pouring rain maiowing to be let in. He was drenched! I managed to wipe him off a bit with a towel but he wasn't keen on the idea. Posh cat was more sensible and stayed in the shed until the rain died down a bit.

Fuddle - you did so well coping with your mam. I do admire you for that. You are a wonderful strong person and are doing a brilliant job raising your family with your DH - never forget that. Sadly we cannot change others but we can change how we react to their actions.

I haven't seen my mum and dad since the summer and that was a very difficult visit (mostly my sister's actions actually) and have only had a couple of short awkward phone conversations since then. Mum phoned 2/3 weeks ago when we were out and I still can't bring myself to phone her back. I used to think we were close but I am coming to realise how much of it was an act. My parents and sister are kind hearted in some ways and do have lots of good points eg. they have been very loving towards our children but emotionally they are useless. I am also expected to fit in with their way of doing everything on an emotional and practical level. I've only just realised that when I had my breakdown 12/13 years ago, they didn't/couldn't support me in any way. In fact they put pressure on me to behave "normally" whatever that is. I can remember my sister having a strop because I was unable to leave the house one day and help her with a job application.

We also have problems with DH's parents - both drink heavily (I'm certain MIL is an alcoholic - I know the signs well from others in my extended family and a friend) and can be rude, disrespectful, annoying, critical, insenstive, sarcastic and sometimes downright nasty (and that's just their good points :rotfl:) We have finally told them this year (well DH did) that they are no longer welcome to visit but we would maintain occasional contact by phone/email. We have had a couple of round robin emails with family news this year and that's it and the relief for us is huge.

It is hard to accept your parents or other family members aren't how you would like them to be or your relationship isn't good. I am getting there and am trying hard to concentrate on my own little family who really need me and my friends. We do have extended family but don't see them much, they don't live locally and we have never had much emotional support if any from them either. I had a lovely grandma (Dad's mum) but awful grandparents on mum's side (in fact refer to them as mum's parents) and we shared a house with the awful ones until I was 7. I really wanted things to be different for our children but sadly I see it heading down the same path.

Sorry I didn't mean to go on about myself so much. Was only planning a reply for fuddle. Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest and this year has been very hard on the extended family front for us.

Will end on a positive note. We had a wonderful evening at the fireworks, torchlit procession, massive bonfire and spectacular display. Very long gap between the events though and how we resisted all the funfair things I will never know. We had some hot food though which was very welcome. Had a very long walk back to the car, DH had to carry DS2 on his shoulders (and he has a frozen shoulder :eek:) and I had to half drag DS1 back as both was so tired.

sq:)

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE - If the girls would like the idea how about making a Birds Christmas Tree to put out into the garden on christmas day. All you'd need would be a twiggy branch with no leaves on, put it into a biggish flower pot, just in earth or sand and put your bird cakes tied onto it, some strings of peanuts in their shells, wrinkly apples, save some bacon rinds and tie them on in bunches, thread some stale bread in on some of the branches and top it off with one of their home made twiggy snowflakes instead of a star. Mine would have loved playing with that idea, Cheers Lyn xxx.

Popperwell

fuddle wrote: »

Good morning.

It's very frosty here this morning. So beautiful.

I was up in the early hours of the morning (couldn't get to sleep till around 4.30) and I was shocked at how cold it was in the house.. and this is a house that was heated till 8pm. I can't stress at how much we need to heat our homes, just enough to take the chill away.

Can I ask a question? What was all the smokeless zones about in the 90's? Are people allowed to have open fires these days?

A woodburner is a dream for me when I own my own place but the reality and more cost effective way would be an open fire. Will I be allowed though?

Where that dreaded built in wardrobe is (not talking about it!) there's a patch cemented where the chimney is. There's also some sort of cement on the floor boards in that area so I suspect there once lived an open fire in the bedroom too.

I just find it a travesty to have a house with all the bricks in place for heating of that kind but we're stopped from using it (government/LL)

I totally agree Fuddle...I would have a coke boiler and open fire at the drop of a hat but when our boiler needed replacing the council removed the system and installed gas CH...and the way they put the pipe(and lining up the chimney)I lost some of one bedroom which they boxed in. I assume if I tried to use the fire in the lounge I would not be able to because if this lining in the chimney.

Also now it is run by that HA no one likes they would say no and finding a supplier of fuels may now be even more difficult to find. Also I suspect I would be the only person locally that would go back to solid fuel. I suspect they brought the change in on health grounds using London as their guide and the problems of what was called smog, today they would use the excuse of global warming and still try and stop the use of open fires.

Most of the time from my limited knowledge this was not much of a problem in general across the UK. But if I did a google on this topic I will probably find that I am wrong.

If ever I win any large amount of money or moved by choice I would go back to such a system...I would happily use a woodburner...come to that matter I would even happily use an AGA to cook on and help warm the house or a woodburner...

Now how is this? I looked out and saw the frost everywhere like you(so it was colder than the previous night and yet, I was warmer in bed, the house was not as cold, I did not put the heating on at all yesterday and still haven't, I did not need the hot water bottle and was more cosy in bed. Looking at the thermometer in my bedroom the temperature was the same as it usually is approx 12c(54f)Please we have more days like that over this coming winter. Hope that you feel warmer now...

kidcat

Popped into MR T to pick my parcels up earlier and the front of the store is crammed with snow stuff so obviously they are following the weather too.

Our Ald! have three bird roasts in at the moment too, they also have a four bird roast too.

Shops were a nightmare this morning and traffic was awful, took me two hours to get to three shops and grab a few bits.

Am trying to get busy and sort out for tomorrow, with not doing Halloween we have always done bonfire night instead (even though I hate it) so kids are expecting a big thing. Cant summon any enthusiasm though

jpscloud

I had to give up on reading all the pages today! Hope I haven't missed anything that makes me seem insensitive... please forgive if I have.

Re. religion... I've always been fascinated by it, in all its forms. I'm Christened, but don't come from an overly religious family and I'm not a practising 'anything'. I trained as an RE teacher three years ago, but I don't teach at the moment, I work in a support capacity.

I'm comfortable with any faith that strives for human good, compassion and generosity (of spirit and otherwise). I am also fascinated by the more legalistic faiths and love learning about them, but I don't believe in a God or faith practices that aren't fully benevolent, so I am one of those agnostics who struggles with the problem of evil - I also don't 'get' a vengeful God!

What I do know for sure is that there is something that makes many of us want to be more/know more than the sum of our parts spiritually, and something in us that longs for peace and enlightenment of some sort.

If that is God, then it's all good as far as I'm concerned, and I have no problem praying even though I'm agnostic. Prayer to me isn't asking for stuff, it's a desire for good to happen, for evil not to prosper in anyone or anywhere and is an expression of what's in my (for want of a better word) soul.

I love the ancient traditions around the seasons and rhythms of the planet too. I love that idea of bringing the outside in, and celebrating life and light.

mardatha

I was going to give a short speech on the benefits of Spiritualism but I started giggling at your sig instead jps, and I've lost me thread now :rotfl::rotfl:

fuddle

savingqueen your words helped me, thank you I had a sleepless night wondering whether I should say to mam that she isn't welcome here until the drinking stops. The thing is she's a secret drinker anyway (a swigger) and is in total denial. I would be pushing her away and making everything so much worse for her. I have to just put up and shut up but build a cocoon around my family in order to do that. I think though, that my sister and I will become much closer as she's woke up to mam. She told me this afternoon that mam fed her newborn baby last week for the first time only for her to get all excited this morning when visiting her because it's the first time she's fed him. She must have been drunk when she had a 9lb baby in her arms and can't remember. My sister is freaking out.

Lyn what an absolute super idea! We'll all love to do that. I have a rubber chocolate mould that we could fill with little bird cakes and put them on the branches :j

Here's our tree today



I should add that to fixing methods is typical of me... if in doubt, get the wool out! :rotfl:

Popperwell

mardatha wrote: »

I'm not strictly pagan but I certainly am not christian. I just like the old ways as the routine seems more in tune with the earth and the seasons, and it makes sense. Whereas for me, the church never did

From my limited knowledge of religion(and not to get too deep here)until it was easier for people to travel and "Spread the word" to other lands, all people had their own "God/Gods" they prayed to for whatever the reason(be it for the safety of their people)or a plentiful supply of food etc...and also their own way of going on culturallly. Who is to say they were necessarily wrong? And things were like that for centuries.

Eventually, I suppose one system took over/became dominant and was either adopted/forced upon a country/continent. To some extent all religions are a way of controlling or suppressing people and in the early days was a form of government before church and state were seperated to some extent.

I have some problems in that I want to believe and Mum/Dad had a strong faith that could not be shaken and so did I(and when I attend I do get comfort)but I have admit the older I become my doubts increase.

To extent I find myself thinking it is more a kind of social thing that we are expected to embrace especially for three events in our lives(Christenings, weddings and sadly when we pass away)

You have to do what is right for you and find your own way in the end I guess and even those who work in the church(vicars and priests)admit they have doubts and really does come down to faith.

So was the so called pagan ways any worse, I don't know. Perhaps if they involved sacrificing, that's deep...sorry to go off topic, just my own views and what do they say "Don't talk politics/religion"

jpscloud

Sorry Mar! Hope you recover enough soon, I'd love to hear about Spiritualism.

It's really cold here so I've caved in and have the CH on for the afternoon.

Back to work tomorrow :eek: Hopefully I've got everything ready for the week now, including resetting the timers on fan heaters after the clocks went back. I get so exhausted in term time so probably won't post much at all, but I'm reading and grateful for all that everyone shares.

Popperwell, I do agree that awful things have been, and are being, done in the name of religion - but in most cases that's not at all what the faith concerned intends, if you see what I mean. It's all gone a bit bonkers if people really believe visiting evil on others, or controlling them, is what their God wants.