Moving on - right but so difficult

whitewing

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

Apology, from him and her. Acknowledgement that I've really tried my best to support him after the bereavement and that I didn't deserve this treatment.

One day in the future you will meet someone that becomes very special to you. And you will tell him about this, and he will believe you and he will know - because he knows you - how hard to tried. And he will believe you didn't deserve to be treated like this; he'll probably even be angry on your behalf. And he will be sorry that it happened to you. And it won't matter a jot to you because you will know what it feels like to be held by someone you trust completely.

Chin up, girl, the best is yet to come.

*confused*

I went through something similar, he carried on for 3 years, lying to my face even when I asked the most direct questions. I did eventually get an apology from him, but frankly it meant nothing, and if I had my chance again I certainly wouldn't push for him to say he was sorry. It prolonged the agony for no gain.

Hard as it is, I walked away, cut all contact, blocked him in any way I could, and kept myself busy.

I'm not saying it's easy, I haven't spoken to him for 9 weeks and I still feel like crap about it a lot of the time, but at the same time it's a weight off my mind not to be so worried and stressed out by what he was up to any more.

Please, cut contact, it's the best thing you can do for YOU. What lies he spins his family is up to him, the people who really matter in your life will know the truth.

Lifeupsidedown

smartpicture wrote: »

Okay, it's not fair that everyone thinks it's your fault, but really - who is this 'everyone'? His family, his friends? Their job is to support him and be on his side, just like your family and friends will be on your side. You need to accept there is nothing you can (or should) do to try and prevent that, because the only person that hurts is you by dragging it all out and keeping those feelings of injustice going. Do what Jojo says, block them all, cut them out of your life, move on, start a new life where you don't have to listen to lies and unjust attacks on you because you choose to associate only with people who love and care for you in their actions, not just their words.

You make a lot of sense! Thing is that he's sent disgusting messages to his friend's ex wife and current partner and another's wife (lots of messages and photos). I guess it's frustrating because everyone thinks he's a quiet, nice guy, harmless. But yes, I think coming from me, nobody will welcome that information.

Lifeupsidedown

Thanks everyone for your advice... much appreciated. Weird night tonight. Made tea as usual, my usual routine with him as I've known life for ages and that's all about to change. I'm sure I'll look back maybe by Christmas and be glad I made the move.

System

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your advice... much appreciated. Weird night tonight. Made tea as usual, my usual routine with him as I've known life for ages and that's all about to change. I'm sure I'll look back maybe by Christmas and be glad I made the move.

You will hun, it will take time, but my god, the day you look back and you realise how much happier and better off you are, the day you realise you are free, its so very liberating and worth all the crap you're going through now. I still remember the day i realised i was over my ex and it was emotional but felt so good. Over a year on i'm in a very happy relationship with someone who respects me and loves me.

Mrs.W_2

Forget any explanation that might tumble out of your ex's mouth - lies trip far too easily off his tongue! Why do you think you'd be due the truth now?

And sod all the sorts who'll believe his sad and sorry break-up (tall) story. Do any of his friends or relatives mean anything to you? Naff 'em all, and keep your real friends close just in case you have a moment of weakness where the idiot boy is concerned.

Start planning a fabulous end of the year for yourself! Be fabulous, poppet.

geoffky

Dirty dogs never lie in a clean bed...(i just made that up) Get rid the guy sounds like a sociopath..

shegirl

Lifeupsidedown wrote: »

I've asked for the truth so many times and even a whole year ago, he lied to me when he could have and should have been entirely honest and let me go then! Instead, he explained everything away and lied about it all and wasted my time!

I know how you feel.I asked now ex a few times if there were problems/if he wanted to leave me due to the way he was acting.I had my suspicions but never believed he would cheat-I almost tortured myself considering he may be then thinking I was being paranoid.

I also understand wanting them to acknowledge it and apologise.I think ex tried to the day before I found out.He sent messages telling me how amazing and beautiful I am (the bunt later told me they were for her:mad:) followed by confusing messages telling me that he's just !!!!,I don't deserve it,never would and he'd end up hurting me somehow.Guess that was his way?We 'sorted' things after that then next day BAM I get a message from the other woman.His attitude completely changed and he was like a complete stranger,although I'm sure I could sense struggle.Maybe that was more hope though?

It hurts like hell to know you'll be lied about,to know how much you've been disrespected and are probably seen as a joke.It hurts as much as,if not more than,the loss after all you've done for them.

I wanted everyone they knew to know the truth but it was never going to happen.I didn't think people should be able to 'get away' with such things,why should they?but the more you think about it the more you wind yourself up and hurt yourself.You'll get your head into a spin and it won't do you any good.

Forget wanting revenge or wanting his behaviour outed (my ex was another butter wouldn't melt guy)and just deal with the loss and continuing your life.It does get better and you realise how lucky you are to be away with them.You also feel better knowing that you can live with a free conscience and not be like them.pity them,laugh at them even but don't try and tell everyone they know,as much as you want to.

Do things you couldn't do with him.Enjoy yourself- you deserve it!And remember what a mess that 'man' you used to know has made of his life.You won't make messes like that and you're not a fool despite feeling like one.

It's been nearly 9 months since it ended,he was my childhood sweetheart but now I just pity him,he isn't the guy I use to know and I'm looking forward to living my life the way I want to.I can't wait for Christmas But I still hurt and I hurt for our son who he chooses not to see.But I don't feel the fool I did to start with.

I'm sure trust will come in the future.Don't worry about dating or anything like that.You know going from one to the next isn't a sign of being happy,nor is it healthy.But a little flirt from someone can put a smile back on your face and stop you thinking there must be something wrong with you to be cheated and treated in such a way.