Favourtism among the grandkids

carolpinkdreamer

Mojisola wrote: »

At some point she'll either ask her grandparents - I wonder what they'll say - or she just won't want anything to do with them.

We have always been in same position with my in-laws. I used to feel hurt on my children's behalf. We still all visited her regularly but now that the children are teenagers they choose not to go and visit those grandparents, except for high days and holidays.

wondercollie

My mother made it very clear that my brothers child was her favourite. She quite frankly disliked my youngest to the point of offering to take myself, my nephew and my oldest son to Barbados one year. When I asked why my youngest wasn't included, her response was "I don't like him or trust him to behave". He was four. Nobody went on the trip.

My mother has since disinherited my sons due to their father's place of birth.

My inlaws were never very affectionate. We were expected to drive over 1000kms for Christmas lunch and then disappear. When we did go for Christmas the difference in the presents between my boys and the girl cousins was always hugely noticeable.

Basically because we've managed our money and worked hard our children have been deemed less deserving.

My oldest son doesn't visit the family. My 18yo went out to visit this summer. My mother went into shock when she saw him. Apparently he is the spit of her brother who died in 1963. I should have warned her! Uhm, I was three and don't remember the man and have no pictures.

My sons have been lucky. We have some good family friends who treat them as blood. they remember birthdays, went to their sports days, came by when the husband was overseas and did the "uncle" things their blood relatives couldn't be bothered to.

It really is sometimes a case of pick your family. Blood really doesn't matter.

Dpmoff

Thanks for all your replies, havent had a chance to log on.

When they took the other grandchild out we had taken our children to the seaside, we didnt even know they had taken her until afterwards, we dont ask for them to take them places or watch them, as his mom and dad had been incredibly vocal about us standing on our own two feet when we had our eldest. His parents often had the grandparents stay and his dad used to moan saying how he wants his own space and hates visitors which is why we dont want to impose ourselves.

My oldest has actually come back from a visit saying nanny and grandad has brought her this and that, i always say it doesnt matter to her.

I appreciate what they are doing for their daughter but theres way of lessening the blow so that my children dont feel left out.

You could say it is a bit of jealousy but not because we want money and we want a babysitter we just want it to be equal.

Im trying to rise above it but its starting to cause resentment towards my partner. I do agree with the poster about how my girls are lucky to have both their parents in their lives, but I also feel why should we be treated worse because we are lucky to be together ?

My oldests often asks to stay at nannys and she cant because nanny wont have her as she is having her cousin stay over, one time her nanny had to cancel on her because the grandchilds father didnt collect her as he said he would and the grandparents wanted to give their daughter a break.

Im also sorry for any of the other posters who seem to be feeling this way, its a horrible way to feel.

jellyhead

I wonder why they couldn't have had both girls staying over? Children don't mind a sleeping bag on the floor.

I am thinking it might possibly be that they don't feel they can cope with more than one child at a time? You have 2, therefore they don't feel they can have both at the same time?

Dpmoff

They have two spare rooms, one has been decorated for the other grandchild, and they have a sofa bed for my girls in the living room.

All three grandchildren sleep through the night and my oldest is really good, however they have always had the other grandchild since she was born her first sleepover was a few days old, whereas my oldest had her first sleepover when she was 4" they have yet to have my youngest. If there is reasoning behind it we have not been told.

Abbafan1972

My in-laws would always have their other grandchildren for sleepovers but have never had ours once.

There would be endless babysitting for them etc and it was always a real battle to get them to look after our kids. Lots of times it was met with refusal as racing the greyhounds would be more important or they would be "too busy".

amus

Dpmoff wrote: »

They have two spare rooms, one has been decorated for the other grandchild, and they have a sofa bed for my girls in the living room.

All three grandchildren sleep through the night and my oldest is really good, however they have always had the other grandchild since she was born her first sleepover was a few days old, whereas my oldest had her first sleepover when she was 4" they have yet to have my youngest. If there is reasoning behind it we have not been told.

Do you think maybe because it's their daughter's child they feel more confident if that makes sense?

My mum treats my kids differently to my brothers (not in terms of gifts or babysitting, more in terms of discipline) because she doesn't feel with me like she has to be careful what she says/does. Plus if your sil is close to her mum its inevitable she will see her more.

It's a difficult one and i think siblings having children of a similar age will always lead to conflicts such as this.

My mil seems to see her other sons children more than mine. Part of that is they live closer, mostly its because they don't seem to mind imposing their kids on them whereas we don't like to rely on our parents too much as we don't think it's fair to expect them to babysit all the time.

Dpmoff

I do get what you mean amus, but they were always happy to have my oldest before what's changed now and why only have one child and not the other

I totally understand what you mean by relying on them, we feel they've done our part raising us,mthey shouldn't be raising our children as well, their time is for them to enjoy them.

amus

Dpmoff wrote: »

I do get what you mean amus, but they were always happy to have my oldest before what's changed now and why only have one child and not the other

I totally understand what you mean by relying on them, we feel they've done our part raising us,mthey shouldn't be raising our children as well, their time is for them to enjoy them.

Could your OH not just confront them, ask them why they will only have one? I know with my parents I have a relationship where if I have a problem with something I feel comfortable confronting them. OH with his parents not so much.....

Dpmoff

He just says that's the way they are, we need to deal with it, but he has said in the past it is unfair, but theres nothing he can do about it.