so mad with OH

BitterAndTwisted

Crikey! He has more disposable income than I do. And very possibly many other households in this country

Mara69

zaksmum wrote: »

If he's having his JSA topped up all the time, where is his incentive to find work? He's not being helped at all here.

I know a young man, 22, who has his JSA all to himself and about £50 a week off his mum without dad knowing.

He was offered a job in McDonald's which he turned his nose up at.

I suppose ultimately it depends on the person in question and their upbringing. My son is more than willing to pay his way - both in terms of housekeeping and chores. Further, he does not, and has not, turned his nose up at any job. In fact, he has just been offered, and accepted, a part time job in Morrison's.

However, taking all that into account I still think that a little extra support does not go amiss - especially if the young person in question is really trying very hard.

pinkshoes

Sit down with your OH, and come up with a plan that you BOTH agree on, as you both need to be consistent when parenting, and not undermining each other.

Your OH is undermining you, which is not very respectful.

Perhaps agree to give your son £X per week, but ONLY when he's cleaned the house, cooked 2 meals a week, done the washing etc... Write a list of what is expected of him if he wants the extra money, and agree that if it's not done, then NO extra money. I'd also tell your OH that if he undermines you again, then you'll be leaving!

sammyjammy

pinkshoes wrote: »

Sit down with your OH, and come up with a plan that you BOTH agree on, as you both need to be consistent when parenting, and not undermining each other.

Your OH is undermining you, which is not very respectful.

Perhaps agree to give your son £X per week, but ONLY when he's cleaned the house, cooked 2 meals a week, done the washing etc... Write a list of what is expected of him if he wants the extra money, and agree that if it's not done, then NO extra money. I'd also tell your OH that if he undermines you again, then you'll be leaving!

He is an adult not a child, if he is around the house for most of the day and part of the household then why should he not do these things without being paid for them? JSA for someone living at home and not financially contributing (I assume this isn't the case for the OP) is very generous indeed given its the same amount of money as they would receive if they had a household to run, its not supposed to fund nights out. Many moons ago when I was unemployed I both paid for my keep, did all the house work and some of the cooking and never took a penny from my parents, I felt bad enough beign there!

bright-lights

Thanks for all the replies.

I do everything in the house, except his room which he has to keep tidy and does (most of the time).
He is working at the moment on one of the goverments great ideas, where they work for their JSA. (Slave labour if you ask me, as if the job is there unpaid why is it not there paid by employer).

Looks like I will have to have a good think on this matter.

Thanks again.

Fire_Fox

My parents twice bailed my sibling out of financial difficulties when they were much younger - once because they were slack with money once not my sibling's fault - but made them set up a standing order to pay it back each time.

bexiboo92

I don't think you're being harsh.
There's nothing wrong with extra financial support; i moved out of my mum and dad's a year ago and they still support me, whether it's by giving me the odd bit of extra cash or giving me things they don't want/need eg shampoo.

But as I've seen with my mum and dad, the way your OH is going about it is completely wrong. I understand they want to help, but they need to discuss it with you before handing money out.

My brother is 23 in a well paid job and yet for at least 5years has used my Mum as a bank. And still does. He expects money to be handed out and because my mum has gone behind my dad's back to lend him money before, he'll only go to my mum.

Maybe sit down and have a chat with your OH, say you don't mind helping your son but you need them to discuss it with you first. Maybe like Firefox has said, get your son to set up a standing order? Even just £5 a month meas he actually wants to pay it back and isn't seeing it as free money