Children's dad taking me to court

Carl31

The court will do whats best for the children. At the age they are, 50 / 50 seems like too much upheaval. In all honesty what hes asking for is selfish in my opinion, hes thinking about himself, not your kids.

I have been in that position as a seperated father, i have also sought legal advice. After thought i realised what i wanted wasnt in my sons best interest so i didnt persue it. I dont think he will have much luck as there is no reason for the court to act in his favour

Fire_Fox

To add/ expand to my earlier post, it seems to me you are taking (possibly rightly) the legal documents as an attack on you, which are compounded by the attacks on you that took place during your marriage. Your automatic stance is to look backwards and to be on the defensive. Whilst I can see that is a natural and understandable response, it is unhelpful and actually it is playing right into his hands.

Instead you should ignore and rise above any subtext of attack, only look to the future and be proactive and positive with offering solutions to any obstacles he throws in your path. He won't be expecting that from you, he will expect you to fall into old patterns of him as puppet master and you as puppet. If you are positive and proactive he will have to be negative and obstructive which is hardly how he is going to want to come across.

bewilderedhelpneeded

Yes it's right that the person who made the application to court gets sent the papers to serve to the other party. Cafcas will be in touch with yout both before the court hearing to hear if there are any concerns. You can either go into court by yourself or take a solicitor with you. If you do not agree with what your ex Is suggesting just say so in court with reasons why and judge might order you both to attend mediation then come back to him for him to rubber stamp if you have reached agreement or for him to make order if you haven't

angelsmomma

Thanks for that, I got my papers sent to me by his solicitor so didn't know the person could just pass them on.

Op, please don't worry too much about the hearing. I found the Judge to be really understanding and not taken in by games.

I did not even have a solicitor although my ex did but I think this worked in my favour to be honest as she was right up herself and came off really badly to the Judge. He shushed her at one point when she tried to talk over me.

Cafcas, was great. They read the file and were happy to support the status quo as it was better for ds.

Mara69

While I appreciate you don't consider your ex a brilliant father, I think it is refreshing to see a father actively seeking more access and participation in his children's lives. God knows there is enough complaining about fathers that never want anything to do with their children.

jtr2803

Mara69 wrote: »

While I appreciate you don't consider your ex a brilliant father, I think it is refreshing to see a father actively seeking more access and participation in his children's lives. God knows there is enough complaining about fathers that never want anything to do with their children.

Really?

He comes across as selfish, ignorant, arrogant, emotionally abusive and his own daughter is scared of him (based on the OPs accounts), why on earth is it a 'good' thing for his children to spend more time with him?

Mara69

jtr2803 wrote: »

Really?

He comes across as selfish, ignorant, arrogant, emotionally abusive and his own daughter is scared of him (based on the OPs accounts), why on earth is it a 'good' thing for his children to spend more time with him?

Your judgement is based entirely on the OP - his ex who, with the best will in the world, is not going to be unbiased. A judge, however, will decide, given ALL the facts, what is best for the children.

Unlike you I make no judgement on the OP or her ex. I simply think it is refreshing to see a father actually making an attempt to put access to his children on equal footing. 50/50 is by no means unreasonable.

lindsaygalaxy

See this is what worries me. If you met him on the street you would think he was doing it all for the children etc. But if you know him (and even his own family would tell you this), he is selfish and controlling. It is not even practical for 50/50. I work part-time so that I can be around more for the children. I also only work term-time. He works full time time til gone 5 every day, by the time he picked the children up and got back to his town its gone 6. They go to bed at 7. He also makes no effort now to come and take the children to swimming lessons or classes they attend, so cannot see him doing it if they were half living with him in another town. My youngest also is very clingy every time he cmoes back from there and tells me he isnt going again. Also, if this is a father who cares so much, why does he contrubite nothing to nursery, afterschool club, lunch money, school trips etc? He even tried to get CSA to give him money back when he had them an extra night one week!
Every time he has tried to change something and not got his own way I get bombarded with messages of insults, name calling and threats of taking the children away, followed by the threat of court.

I cannot afford a solicitor and not entitled to LA.

Mojisola

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

He even tried to get CSA to give him money back when he had them an extra night one week!

Do you think that money is behind it? Does he think that if he gets 50/50 care, he won't have to pay you any money?

Or does he have in mind claiming the CB and getting money from you through the CSA?

diable

Mojisola wrote: »

Do you think that money is behind it? Does he think that if he gets 50/50 care, he won't have to pay you any money?

Or does he have in mind claiming the CB and getting money from you through the CSA?

He doesn't pay full whack anyway, I think the above is true, he'll take them stick them in front of the TV and will say that he can now pay you less, eventually he will start missing days and it will go back to how it is now but what he pays you will stay the same at the 50/50 rate. The cynic in me thinks he will want to pay less and is being an awkward bar steward.

Ask him when he is planning on taking the children away on holiday as you fancy a holiday away with your new boyfriend and need to plan it.

There is nothing better then winding up a bitter and nasty ex especially with him thinking that you will be having more fun then him.