Children's dad taking me to court

lindsaygalaxy

Evening

I'm hoping someone with some experience of this can give me some help.

Today when dropping off my children (2, aged 3 and 8) to their dads he gave me court papers. He is applying to have the children 50/50 of the time. One of his arguments is that I won't let him have them more (when he has asked for extra time I have usually given it to him), that we have been to mediation and his didn't work (over 2 years ago) and that he wants to take them abroad on holiday for a minumum of 7 days that I wont agree to (that he hasnt ever mentioned).

What do I do next? It says on the form to go to a 15 minue meeting on a set date. What is this for?

A bit of background. We have been apart for 3 years (he was having an affair while I was pregnant with our second child and left when he was a few weeks old). There was emotional abuse in the relationship and it was a relief when he went. He currently has access every other weekend and 1 day in the week (so 2 days 1 week and 3 the other). He also has them extra in the holidays when he requests them and odd days. Christmas and birthdays are split. He lives about half hour away (which we take it in turn to drive) but works locally. I gave up work full time to be able to spend more time with the children and so work 3 days a week.

Please help

angelsmomma

Please don't worry about this.

When you say that he gave you court papers what do you mean?I am sure the court would write to you not give him papers to give to you.

ankspon

My wife was in a similar situation several years ago with her ex,he took her to court for access he already had and he was laughed out of court and told off for wasting the courts time.Good luck.

lindsaygalaxy

He handed them to me. They were stamped with the court and had a date for me to attend. I keep crying. Every time I dont give in to one of his demands I get rubbish back. He pays the few pounds CSA make him pay, pays not a penny towards school uniform, trips, afterschool classes, swimming lessons, nursery of after school club. How nice to be able to afford a holiday abroad.

angelsmomma

I would go to see a solicitor for a free half hour appointment and ask her to look at the papers.

angelsmomma

When you say a 15 minute hearing on a set date, what exactly does it say this is for. Is it in front of a Judge?

Dunroamin

Is he a good father?

lindsaygalaxy

He was emotionaly and sometimes phyicaly abusive in our relationship. He rarely spent anytime with our daughter for the first 5 years of her life. He wont take her to any birthday parties or events if its 'his weekend'. My daughter is scared to ever say no to him incase he shouts or spends the day ignoring her. He is ok, I wouldn't put him in for father of the year, unless ofcourse it is one of his family events, at which time he always appears to be the most attentive dad. He is controlling (with the kids too) and puts himself first. For example, I suggested he changed the day in the week he has the kids as he wanted to take our DD to a club. He wouldnt be because it is one of his football nights.

Fire_Fox

Can you afford legal advice? Are you supposed to submit a defence or response? If so just say that you are willing to attend mediation again, happy to formalise an arrangement with more contact, have not been asked about an overseas holiday. Take the wind out of his sails by being calm, reasonable and proactive, he can't be abusive in mediation or the legal system without getting himself into a mess. The more calm and reasonable you are the more likely he is to become pushy and reveal his true nature and true intentions.

daska

what FF says - be seen to be on the side of the angels!

Do you have any evidence of what contact he has asked for/refused? Texts, e-mails, mediation papers etc.

If you can afford to, or qualify for legal aid, arrange to see a solicitor so that you know exactly where you stand. If that's out of the question then the Clerks at the court are very helpful in explaining how things work - they can't give specific legal advice but they can tell you the how, where etc. And please, even if you can't afford a solicitor, don't be afraid to represent yourself - if anything this will go in your favour as Judges tend to be quite generous to parents who do this in terms of giving them time to explain their side etc.

clearingout

try not to worry - spend some time this weekend putting together your 'evidence' you have - e-mails, texts. Have a look on wikivorce.com and also on the Families Need Fathers website. Plenty of people been there, done that, and survived with their sanity in one piece. It's clearly a control issue and this will come out in front of a judge - just keep child focused and all will be fine.