Manners - are they changing?

Saturnalia

My parents were great on table manners and we always had our meals around a properly-laid table. I still like to do that now even if I'm eating alone.

We were encouraged to join in the conversation right from being able to speak. Dinnertimes (especially the sitting at the table with a cup of tea after the meal) were where all sorts of family things were discussed.

The same as on a Saturday evening, my parents would take us to the pub and we'd sit with our coke or juice and have a good chat together. People would frown on that now (especially since in those days we sat in a fog of smoke!) but I see it as part of teaching a child how to behave in public. And now we take my 3-and-a-half year old nephew to pubs and restaurants, and while he has his moments behind closed doors, he already knows what behaviour is expected of him when he is out.

I'm single and looking for a partner and I'd have to say, snobby I may be, but rude table manners would really put me off a person. I guess if they came from a home where they had never learnt but were willing to, that's one thing, but being wilfully ignorant of social niceties is where I draw the line. And you do tend to find that rude people are never just rude in one area of life are they, it spills onto everything.

I'm backed up there by my sister's teacher who asked my parents, at the first parents' night they met, whether we ate at the table together. She claimed she could tell within the first couple of weeks of teaching a new class which families did and didn't.

daska

When I was young we were taught good manners at home and they were insisted on at school. Each class sat at table with an adult who would pick up on any bad manners, insist that pupils ensured their neighbour had everything they wanted and dole out detentions like mums dole out sweeties now. On occasion we even had to eat in silence and still ensure our neighbour had what they needed on pain of writing out a long passage on loving one's neighbour as oneself. The teacher's didn't get a break until everyone had finished eating and lunch had been cleared away. Now the teachers go off for their break separately and it's every kid for themself in the school canteen even at primary age. DS2's Head says he would love to have the budget to allow each table to have an adult with it to instill good manners but he has to employ separate staff to cover mealtimes. Just think how quickly things could change if one just started with Reception and moved up with that class each year!

Prittstick

A few years ago when I was working in a very nice restaurant, a well to do mother and child came in with a friend to eat. All the staff were astounded when the mother placed the child's plate of food on the FLOOR to eat!! It seems there is no class divide with bad manners.

My father would swipe us with his butter knife or slap us under the table if we displayed bad manners! Way too harsh. Both my children have lovely manners and this was from taking the time to sit at the table with them and converse and remind them genty when their manners slipped.

Saturnalia

Prittstick wrote: »

A few years ago when I was working in a very nice restaurant, a well to do mother and child came in with a friend to eat. All the staff were astounded when the mother placed the child's plate of food on the FLOOR to eat!! It seems there is no class divide with bad manners.

My father would swipe us with his butter knife or slap us under the table if we displayed bad manners! Way too harsh. Both my children have lovely manners and this was from taking the time to sit at the table with them and converse and remind them genty when their manners slipped.

Oh yes, I've seen it and heard others say it many a time that it's the middle-class yummy mummies whose kids are the worst behaved. The adults will sit and talk for hours and utterly ignore the children. And then act insulted if staff ask them to stop the children acting up. A housemate who was a waitress in a semi-posh restaurant said it is as though they expect "the underlings" serving them to raise their kids too.

gayleygoo

This is an interesting thread. My children are still quite young (two and a half, and five) so manners are really just only starting to come into mealtimes - neither have the dexterity for knife use and my toddler prefers his hands for most things. I hope they will learn proper manners and use them outside the home, even though I do often talk with my mouth full and have my elbows on the table (why is that a bad thing??). In restaurants or good company I do make a special effort though.

Living in Ireland, ettiquete is a big thing and it's the norm to say Hello to every person you pass in the street or make eye contact with (unless you're in town and it's crowded obviously). I've noticed a lot of young people don't get that as they are glued to their various phone and tablet screens and don't even look up at you if you greet them, if they acknowledge you it's usually a confused glare. If you (literally) bump into someone both people usually apologise, when I was in London (and most other big cities) I was amazed at the people who'd send you half-flying from a shove and not even turn round to give you an apologetic glance.

Also, a phone call must start with a proper greeting and an enquiry after the health of each person and their entire families, and end with a proper farewell (about 5 or 6 "goodbye"s is common). I was always brought up to offer visitors tea/coffee, cakes, biscuits etc when they arrived, many people don't seem to do that now. Maybe they don't drink tea or eat biscuits themselves but it seems the proper thing to do with guests. In fact, in our family, refreshments are forced upon guests, "no thank you" is not the right answer :rotfl:

PasturesNew

If I am out and it's a meal time, why wouldn't I buy a pasty for £1 and eat it in the street, when the alternative would be to spend £5 and have a long wait to sit down and get food?

fannyadams

Skint_yet_Again wrote: »

These are the things that annoy me the most with bad manners

1. eating with mouth open, chomping
2. eating with one elbow on the table using fork as a shovel
3. talking with mouth full
4. blowing nose at table/belching/farting
5. not holding doors open for people
6. not saying "excuse me" instead just shoving past
7. picking nose
8. men/boys who put their hands down the front of their trousers and re-arrange themselves
9. gulping drinks
10. not saying please and thank you

OMG :eek:

1 - I say in a loud voice "WOW THAT'S WHAT (insert what they are eating here) LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU EAT IT"
2 - say "Shall I get you a high chair and a spoon?"
3 - you can say one of two things (I have done this to my line manager) "I expect I'll understand you better when your mouth is emptier" OR (my favourite) "Don't speak with your mouth half full, fill it right up and have a proper go"
4 - EEEEEEWWWW HOW RUDE!
5 - Not saying thank you after my child has held the door open for you sees him yelling YOU'RE WELCOME at your retreating back
6 - I say "I think you meant EXCUSE ME"
7 - say "that's gonna taste so good once it's out"
8 - as a woman, jiggle your titties at them (it makes them really embarrassed) OR say "It'll fall off and then you'll be a girl"
9 - not sure if this is bad unless you burp immediately afterwards (this is only acceptable in the rugby club)
10 - I usually go for the prompt "Pardon?" or "I've gone deaf"

I'm quite aggressive when it comes to manners but my pet peeve is the lads with their trousers mid thigh and their pants on show :mad:
I usually shout "Moon, I win" (don't ask):rotfl:

FA
x

Dippypud

Fruball wrote: »

... and I am appalled by the amount of children I see out who cannot use a knife and fork properly... This is a real peeve of mine and I have to bite my lip not to say anything to the dumb parents who can't be bothered to take the time to show them

A lot of schools are finding that children cannot eat with cutlery ...

only with their fingers.

Childrens cutlery is not expensive,(£land), and can be such a treat for kids to start to be 'grown up'.

Take_it_like_a_man,_sonny

No, now p off!

Yes, but I always smile and say 'MornIn!' Some just grunt on, others take a back and smile back.

So go on, do it.

As for table manners etc. I hate the spoilt brat that cannot use their knife and fork, and bark ridiculously in Restraunts. But that is because of the grab it, eat it culture of the fast food outlets?

GreyQueen

Although I'm hardly an antique, being only in my late forties, and from a working-class family, I'm frequently appalled by the manners I see many people exhibiting.

Last weekend I spoke to a boy I estimate to be about 14-15 years, very politely asking him if he thought what he was doing was acceptable? He was skateboarding in the centre of town on the steps of the main war memorial. He came back with a mild response about they (skaters) being "allowed" to skate in that area (untrue, there is signage against it). I repeated, very mildly, that did he think it was acceptable to skate on the Memorial itself? He stopped and thought for a moment and then said no, and stopped.

I have no idea about whether he will continue skating there but perhaps I have given him pause for thought, or perhaps I merely wasted my breath. He is merely one of many skaters who can be seen doing this on any day of the week.

I work in the civic buildings and on a daily basis we have people come into the carpetted public areas where they sit and eat chips and other hot takeaway foods and leave the wrappings to foul the seats which other people use. Some also allow their children to run amok in many cases, to the visible annoyance of other visitors.

On the subject of table-manners, my family always ate at the table and to this day regard as eating from trays something reserved for invalids. Most table manners are about not causing offense to your compnaions, such as the vile habit of chewing with your mouth open, which is enough to make me heave.

I've heard of very talented professionals being held back in their careers because their manners are so swinish that their organisations would be ashamed to have them represent them in public, which often includes dining experiences.

You can be a billionnaire and have poor manners or you can be penniless and have good manners. Ultimately, I see it as having respect for other people and putting consideration for others ahead of your own needs and momentary impulses.