Worried about wife spending

malcindebt

Whilst tidying up last night I found my wifes latest bank statement. Now I don't normally read through them but I glanced an item which started facebook.com

Now, she plays on these facebook games but has always said she doesn't buy credits, she only plays the free versions.

I've totalled the amounts up to almsot £200 in the past 6 weeks.

She's been complaining recently that she's skint, and has had me buying cigatrettes and other things for her, now I can see why.

She has no idea I know about this, and I know if I confront her it will just cause a huge argument which I can't be bothered with.

I've given up drinking, smoking, going out with my mates all so we can live a decent life on what little money we have, and I find she's p'ing money up the wall like this.

I need some advice on what I should do.

Thanks

mildredalien

I'm afraid if you want to discuss the issue with your wife you're going to have to get bothered! Either you accept that she's spending money on facebook games and not telling you, or you do something about it. Seeing as you found out through looking at her bank statements (not making a moral judgement here) it is likely to lead to an argument - even if she's not terribly angry about that, she'll probably be embarrassed at being 'caught out'.

If you want to avoid the issue, just stop buying her things.

pearl123

Speak to her. It's as simple as that.

claire21

Suggest you think it might help your finances if you had a joint account rather than your own accounts. Saying you can then both keep on top of the household budget and see where you are overspending or where you can save money.

HeadAboveWater

malcindebt wrote: »

I know if I confront her it will just cause a huge argument which I can't be bothered with.

This is the bit I'd worry about Is it the argument you can't be bothered with or your wife?

Anyway. Back to your question.

Don't 'confront' her as such. Just sit down and have a talk with her about finances. What your hopes and goals are for both of you. What you both want in the future. Try to get her to open up to you about her money. Maybe do out an SOA together so you can both see exactly where your money is going to each month.

podperson

I think you do need to speak to her. Yes she may be annoyed at first that you looked at her bank statements but if she's hiding this from you then she must know that it's something you wouldn't agree with. Many of these games can be very addictive and she may need some help/support to stop playing them.

19lottie82

claire21 wrote: »

Suggest you think it might help your finances if you had a joint account rather than your own accounts. Saying you can then both keep on top of the household budget and see where you are overspending or where you can save money.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooo worse thing you can ever do with someone who is financially irresponsible! if she get's in to debt and trashes her own credit rating, then his will be out the window too! :eek:

bitemebankers

You need to talk to her, even if you think it's going to result in strife. It's never an easy conversation to have, especially if you're the type of person who hates confrontation, but from what you've read your wife is showing some of the signs of someone who has a problem with spending money. I think HeadAboveWater's suggestion above is excellent - a really positive way forward.

And I couldn't agree more with lottie - setting up a joint account is the worst thing you could do.

THEMONEYSPIDER_2

I'd have to say if it were me i would confront her about it, You shouldn't have been looking at her bank statement but thats a different matter, did you just come across the statement or was it "hidden"? i only ask because of how you will need to tell her you have found out about the money she has been spending on these games.

I'm a Gambler, i've spent £1000s on gambling, my debt was all down to gambling. My other half knew i gambled but "trusted" me not to gamble anymore on my word, im ashamed to say my word mean't nothing and i'd carry on gambling in secret.

I don't gamble anymore, i seriously hit rock bottom with it and told the BF i needed his help to stop by putting a block on the internet access, so that gambling sites can't be accessed.

My gambling all started with £5 here and there, but very soon escalated to £500 a week, every week

Point being, these facebook games can become equally addictive, i suggest you stand strong and take action before it really gets out of hand.
Also agree, as hard as it sounds stop enabling her to do this by buying her ciggys and stuff.

Sorry for having a bit of a waffle, but i was in a similar position your wife is in now, Good luck, it will be hard bring it up but i suggest you do it sooner rather than later

pixelation

"I'm really sorry to bring this up, but how much did you spend on Facebook games this month? I'm doing an SOA and I need to fill in your bits as well as mine."
"Hi love, I'm worrying about our cash and wondered if you have sometthing to tell me about the Facebook games? I promise not to get angry, but do want to sort it out."
Two possible openers to make the conversation less confrontational. If you don't want an argument, maybe having a gentle approach will avoid one.
What do you want the outcome to be? If you can focus on what you want out of the conversation, perhaps you can guide it that way?
Good luck.

freda

Sit down and do a budget together. Work out how much gets spent on all the essentials, how much you want to save for things like xmas, car service, emergency fund etc. Put all that in a joint account. Then whatever is left is shared between you in single accounts to do with as you want, no questions asked. If you're not sure how to do this, use the Statement of Affairs template on the 'debt' board, and read some of the past posts on there to see how it all works.

This way you don't even need to bring up the fb game spend issue, just talk about and set a realistic budget. Then, if she has enough in her account to spend £200 every 6 weeks on fb, then she can. If not, she can't.