Tips to forget ex

shiny76

ramjug wrote: »

By the way, i am 27 and she was the first and only girl i loved. I don't know if i'll be able to trust anyone in future.

But you will. I hate to use the 'give it time' phrase but it is true. Keep your mind occupied with activities, buy a box-set (The Wire?) for when you can't go out.

I was in a similar position (9 years together, 6 months from wedding, similar age). I mourned the relationship for what seemed like months, in tears most nights. The only thing that kept me going was to keep my mind busy - with things that were unrelated to the relationship - no reminders!

Eventually I gave up the job I was unhappy in and went traveling for 6 months.

After a year or so, I started having a bit of fun I found that there was so much I'd been missing out on. Had the odd one night stand, a couple of short term relationships (which highlighted the previous relationship wasn't all I'd thought it to be) and now, a few years later I'm happily married and hoping to start a family.

The above wasn't meant to be 'all about me', more that there is hope and a way out!

System

Unfortunately time is the best healer. I knew i was getting over my ex when i was able to have a sexual relationship with someone else (but it took time).

chiefgoobster

absolutebounder wrote: »

Sh@g her sister

fluffnutter wrote: »

Or her mum.

or both together ?

Georgia_Pa

Break ups are the hardest things, but the pain is a sign that we truly gave our heart away and that we took a risk.
You would not be hurting if you didn't truly have feelings for her, shared happy memories and felt truly happy. That's what we seem to remember and hold on to.
What we don't seem to remember is the reason why we broke up with that person, and this is just a confirmation that it will never be the same again.

Even if you were to [EMAIL="sh@g"]sh@g[/EMAIL] her sister or mother, you would still feel bitter deep inside, because revenge wont heal things. It will certainly change them, especially if she finds out! Not in a good way. Don't take that road, be a better person and rise above it.

Give youreself time, you will have good days and bad days. Be understnding to yourself and focus on making yourself feel better, not anyone else. Treat yourself to something nice. Get out there and do it!

littlepinky84

Sounds corny but time was what helped me, that and changing my life and doing things that he didnt like or want me too. I got new freinds, a new tattoo, nights out and went back to college and now 7 months on i dont ever think about him and love my new found life.

I am the same age as you and we were together just over ten years, Its along time at any age, get out there and do the things we should of at 18,19,20

System

Georgia_Pa wrote: »

Break ups are the hardest things, but the pain is a sign that we truly gave our heart away and that we took a risk.
You would not be hurting if you didn't truly have feelings for her, shared happy memories and felt truly happy. That's what we seem to remember and hold on to.

What we don't seem to remember is the reason why we broke up with that person, and this is just a confirmation that it will never be the same again.

Even if you were to sh@g her sister or mother, you would still feel bitter deep inside, because revenge wont heal things. It will certainly change them, especially if she finds out! Not in a good way. Don't take that road, be a better person and rise above it.

Give youreself time, you will have good days and bad days. Be understnding to yourself and focus on making yourself feel better, not anyone else. Treat yourself to something nice. Get out there and do it!

Nicely put

ostrichnomore_2

Hi

I went through a very difficult break up about 3 months ago, been together 10 years, cheated on, still have to see him around every day and can't avoid that.

I was a distraught mad-woman for about 6 weeks, then gradually things improved, so I promise you won't always feel like this. It does take time, and you have to want to move on. Sometimes I found myself almost deliberately upsetting myself going over and over things, a real obsessive stage, and I think now that for me it was just part of the process. I WANTED to feel all those negative feelings to help get them out of my system, rather than bottling it all up.

3 months later I'm still very angry, still hurt, but that awful kicked in the guts betrayal/heartbreak feeling has gone, most of the time. When it pops up again now I let myself indulge it for 10 minutes and then go distract myself.

If this is the first time you've encountered this it's probably hardest, as you haven't experienced the recovery from it before. You probably feel that you will never get over it and always feel this hurt. The feelings are intense but most of us have been through it more than once so deep down we do know that we aren't going to spend the next 50 years sobbing into a pillow. You need to believe that eventually you will feel better, it takes time that's all, and you'll be ok.

You can help yourself along once you've got the initial shock/distress out of your system a bit. You've had some good advice above.

Me?
I started to take delight in doing the 'naughty' things my ex disapproved of and I wasn't allowed to do. Silly things like swearing sometimes, or watching horror movies.
I distracted myself by watching a lot of great TV I missed first time round on catch up channels - I've been all the way through all the series of the Peep Show, the Inbetweeners, the IT Crowd, and Life on Mars. Comedies are good as even if they can't raise a laugh at the moment, they still lift your mood a bit.
Write letters to your ex telling them exactly how you feel and what you think. Then destroy the letters. You get a great feeling of release.
Think about the bad parts of your relationship that you won't miss. There must be some. Did she snore or hog the duvet? Did she not get on with your mum? Was she bad tempered when tired? Was she a selfish moo? (yes she was, if she had an affair).
I took up a sport that I did when I was younger and kept meaning to go back to, it's lots of fun, occupies an evening, and I wish I'd done it years ago. But when I was with ex I would have felt guilty about the time/money involved, but now, my life is my own.
See friends and family as much as possible. Get away from it all and stay with someone at the weekends if you can.
I also bought the Paul McKenna book and CD 'I can mend your broken heart', sounds corny but there is some really useful stuff in there, especially about coping when you can't avoid your ex, and looking at ways of getting over it all a little bit more quickly. The CD is only about 15 minutes long and it's helped me calm down and get to sleep on some of the more difficult nights.
I've made a new plan - this is part of the problem initially, all of a sudden your life isn't going to pan out as you intended, and you feel lost. But I set myself a couple of goals for the next 12 months, thought about where I want to be this time next year, and now I'm working towards it. There is freedom after a breakup, as well as the initial hurt feelings.

Try not to see her. If you have to, be civil but around her for as short a period as possible. Have dignity. I think my ex now finds it harder than I do, it doesn't really bother me too much anymore but he's starting to have problems looking me in the eye, lol.

TRY and avoid the drunk texting thing. I did it a few times as I just couldn't resist. It's a bad idea and embarrassing the next day. So instead of trying to resist the texting, I've packed in drinking instead, for now. This has hugely helped me. I was sitting at home getting sloshed and upset. If I don't get sloshed, I don't get upset now.

Good luck and hope you start to feel better soon.

mildredalien

Give yourself time, a 10 year relationship can't be 'forgotten' in a matter of days or weeks, even months! A few years ago I split up with a partner who I'd been with for 9 year. It took me about 18 months to even think about dating, I just wasn't interested in short term flings or drunken quickies but you know, whatever works for you I know some people who go straight from one relationship to another, personally I felt it was important to spend time by myself (plus my circumstances were similar to yours - I didn't trust a bloke for a while!!) I still think of him from time to time, I spent the majority of my 20s with him, it's not like I can forget a whole decade!

My advice would be to try and minimise or stop all contact if you can - delete her number from your phone, unfriend her from social networks, try and avoid places she will be. Make plans with friends (preferably ones who don't also hang out with her a lot) and try and keep your mind occupied with other things!

ramjug

Thanks everyone for your kind support and word of advice.

It really amazes me that some people just changes that quick. I remember telling one of friend that without this girl, i dont see anything in my future. if i think about my future without her, its just dark and i just dont know what i am gonna do.

I can understand now that when people says 'Love is Blind', i was proper blind. never questioned her, never stopped her from shoping for expensive stuffs. bascically she got what she ever wanted but in the end, it really hurts to know all that wasn't for you..

Anyway i also understands that no-one dies without anyone in today's world. Life goes on....

owen_money

Time does heal to a point, its an age old problem, please read the poem 'The one before the last' by Rupert Brooke, (1910).