In the words of Yazz...

*Robin*

Hello again Fudgie, :hello:

Just a quick post to say am thinking of you; if the meet with BF's family is this weekend, hope it goes well (and you can resist the temptations of imbibing too much :beer:).

Rxx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Ditto what Robin said Xx

Fudgefund

Thank you very much for such a thoughtful message Robin! How good of you to remember my dilemmas.

I'm sorry I've been AWOL. I've been a bit out of control the past two weeks which is something I deplore in myself, and I haven't felt like facing up to it. I am back now though to confess and move forward, as I eventually always do. I have overspent this month and my budget spiralled badly out of control. The bank holiday weekend was spent in a pleasant haze of meals out and drinks to accompany them, and even as I was spending I was aware I was eating into the following week's funds. I am going back home for a weekend in July and the ever generous DB offered to pay for both mine and his tickets, to be booked in advance. I'm deeply ashamed to say I put these tickets on my chopped up credit card (£68) and then spent the money he gave me. Worse, despite me doing this I have run out of money anyway and am now down to my last £5, to last me until I get paid on Wednesday (although I do have food).

I think it's high time to be honest with myself and accept that now my life is on the upswing, I simply cannot pay off what I have been attempting to pay off on a monthly basis. I realise this is an unpopular announcement in MSE land but I've decided after much thought to cut my repayments to £500 per month and push back my DFD to October. Whilst I was single it was a great deal easier to be parsimonious, now I'm going out more it's become nigh on impossible and I just seem to be committed to more and more things I can't afford. The end of my last pay month was awful, and this one has ended the same way. I know I need to improve my budgeting, and I am committed to that, but for the time being I need wider margins. I am busy three out of the four next weekends, I feel something had to give.

In other news, the big reunion is in fact next weekend and yes, the anxiety is starting to creep up like a killer at the window. It's a big family 'do', so I will be running a gauntlet of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents whom I assume have been told of my mental health issues. The fact is, they are all very nice people and I need to just go with my head held high. I am haunted by the memories of our last meeting though - me in full mania holding forth ten-to-the-dozen to a group of them, offering to take one of the cousins to meet homeless people in Blackpool and hand out sandwiches as I felt he had no idea of how real people lived. I think I may have launched into a tirade against the monarchy and Paul McCartney as well, to compound my problems. I shall be staying strictly sober and keeping quiet.

The troubling rash on my chest has not gone away. I have two friends who are eczema queens whom I sought advice from, and they recommended I give it two to three weeks before seeking medical advice. I will be booking an appointment with a female doctor on Monday morning, even though the prospect of having to remove my clothing in front of a stranger fills me with horror. I honestly am dreading it.

This is a very doom and gloom post. I am actually not feeling too down at the moment, despite the worries above. I am very much looking forward to getting paid and getting below the £1000 mark with my credit card to £700. I feel better for getting this off my chest. Phew.

I also meant to add that another reason for my reviewed repayment plan is that my rent has gone up by an eye watering £50 due to a hike in utility bills.

please-let-me-be-lucky

As always Fudgie, well done for facing up to it and being honest, not only with us but more importantly to yourself. What's done is done and can't be changed but the important thing is not to continue in that way. It's also important that you realise if your debt repayments are having a negative impact on your life. DH said to me the other day that he'd rather reach DFD a couple of months later and actually be able to LIVE until then! I think he has a point!

I hope the meet with family goes well Xx

Fudgefund

Thanks PLMBL :A It's nice not to be judged. My DB said the same thing about repayments - it's better to have a life etc. The next fortnight I'm quite incredibly busy so I know I have done the right thing for now.

Good news first - I got paid yesterday! :jI have made my payment to Barclaycard which brings me down to £700, which is going to mean I'll miss my credit card free target of June, but it can't be helped. The main thing I'm pleased about is the interest, I feel like I've finally seen a very steep drop. It was down to £25.22 this month, and I'm hoping another £10 ish will be shaved off next month. It's so pleasant to finally have a manageable amount of interest!

I had my hair cut and coloured today at the pricey place, but all budgeted for and it looks a million times better. I needed to have it done give me that little boost for meeting DB's family again tomorrow, although I'll probably have torn it all out on the train journey over.

It's been a funny old week really, Monday and Tuesday were terrible, I was functioning so badly I was worried I was having a return to the bad old days, but on Wednesday the mood lifted as quickly as it descended. I felt fine today and have managed to make a good account for myself at work to make up for the beginning of the week. I've made myself a Doctor's appointment with a female Doctor for Thursday, I anticipated a bit of a wait and that is fine by me. Still dreading it, and I've decided to up the unpleasantness by having an over due *ahem* ladies test with a nurse. The joys.

I'm going through one of my phases where I can't stand where I live, although I know I need to just grit my teeth until October. I made the mistake of mentioning to a housemate I'm planning to get rid of some clothes to charity and now everytime I see her she is on at me to let her look through them before I do. I can't find a polite way of telling her I don't really want her going through my old clothes, I haven't finished washing/sorting and don't want pressure from anyone to do it (I was doing two loads a week) and I would really rather give them to charity. I hate scenarios like this, I wish she'd take the hint and just drop it but I know she won't. I put on facebook that I had amassed 15 cardigans whilst unwell (not implying I would be getting rid of them, they're half my debts!:D) and she replied again asking about my clothes and saying she is into cardigans. I know this seems like a trivial thing but I hate situations like this. Like I'd give her my cardigans. Sigh. I wish I could afford to live by myself.

In better news I'm going to Blackpool for the day next week and Liverpool. I've got Wednesday-Friday off work and then it's the bank holiday. Three more work days to go! :T

beanielou

I like cardigans :rotfl:
Enjoy your time away

Fudgefund

Not you as well! :rotfl:

Hands off me cardigans.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Do you not have a cash for clothes type place near you? The ones that pay by the kilo? At least then you could tell your flatmate that you are getting something for them so no freebies allowed.

I need to book a ladies test too

Fudgefund

That's a really good solution! I do have a Dorothy Perkins dress I think she'd like which I looked an absolute holy show in the one time I wore it, and I'm happy for her to have that, I just don't want a general trawl through my old clothes.

I'm going to have to look for one of these places, I know they exist, just not sure where. I have a few vintage bits from thinner days I'll give to Oxfam though, they'll make better use of them.

I realise this is an extremely silly problem, I just wanted to vent somewhere.

*Robin*

Hello Fudgie, :hello:

Sorry, I missed your recent posts - how? No idea - certainly you'll be in my thoughts this weekend as you face down the rellies* (*odd word of Today's Yoof - see how up-to-date I can be when I try! :rotfl:). Doubt I'll be the only one sending encouraging vibes, so if anyone looks sideways at you, just imagine the MSE gang standing at your shoulder, glaring right back!
If you find yourself faltering, grab DB's hand and hold your head high as you charm the rellies (through gritted teeth if necessary). Be very interested in them and their lives - folk love talking about themselves, it will distract them from remembering the past..
Could you perhaps take a new toy for the kids? Then if the grown-ups get too much, you can focus on playing with the youngsters (which will win you brownie points as it'll allow their parents 'time off' to gossip with the rest of the family/get on with preparing lunch/whatever..).

As for your collection of unwanted clothes. If they're very little worn why not stick 'em on the Bay of E? Might bring in a bit to throw at debt or keep you going 'til payday? Stuff that doesn't sell could go to the '£ for lbs' shop or charity. The dress in particular sounds like it would do quite well..

Don't think you should feel bad about re-working the budget you need to live on and enjoy life..

Rxx