In the words of Yazz...

Fudgefund

You're right PLMBL, nothing would improve my life more than buying less multipacks of chocolate bars. I've been following Russell Brand's Give It Up theory when it comes to alcohol, perhaps I could extend that to confectionary. :think:

Bad 24 hours in fudgeland today I'm afraid, if you're not in the mood for a whinge then look away now. DE has a brother who has a girlfriend who I've never got on with. We're like chalk and cheese, and in the early days I did make the effort to get on with her but never got anything back, so in the end just gave up. This brother is getting married in the late summer, and DE is the best man. DE told me last night that I am not invited to the wedding, and (for some bizarre reason) he had asked if I could go if he paid for me, but his brother just ignored the question. This left me feeling really embarrassed and sad about the whole thing, and then DE told me that his brother and girlfriend had told him that they didn't think he should be going out with me because I am mentally ill and will hurt him again. I really didn't know what to say to all of this and ended up in tears, which I think DE took to be a sign that I am still crazy. In reality it was just such a shock to hear it that I felt really wounded. It's left me wondering again if people managing mental health conditions can be in relationships, and what exactly DE's family are saying about me behind my back. I kept going on and on about it to DE which was winding him up even further, but I just wanted to get across something I couldn't get across. I'm now worried about seeing the couple again because I have no idea what I'm going to say, and I'm even more worried DE is gong to write me off on the basis of what they've told him. There's always been a bit of a rift between me and the girlfriend, but we've never had an argument, I can't help but think all this is going to push our relationship somewhere I seriously don't want it to go.

I'm thinking the only thing I can do is to ignore the wedding entirely which will be weird because all of DE's family will be talking about it, and just try and stay out of their way. I know it's awkward because we've only been back together a month but in reality have bee together a lot longer than that. Last night was just awful and it's all be playing on my mind all day. I'm now comfort eating like mad which has cost me £5 I don't have.

I walked to work yesterday though MT, inspired by you! x

MuffinTops

Oh honey, what a rough thing to deal with.

Something I have strongly learned, sadly just recently, is that when people gossip and say mean things it says a lot more about them than the person they're speaking about. This is a very good case to prove my point! All that's happened here is that there's this rift that you recognise and now they are trying to find weak spots to use in which to control your DE to fit in with their nasty and unjustified opinion!

I'm really hoping he's equipped with a pair big enough to stand up and support his decision about being with you!

So put your comfort food aside for now as you need to concentrate on calming your head. I say that because this is exactly how something like that would affect me. My head would be all over the place and then I'd overload on sugar sending flying messages all over my brain until I get to the point I don't know where I start and where I end!

Your DE won't walk away based on their opinion. He sounds like he may go quiet for a while, but he's proved that he wants to be with you but just goes through times of deeper thought. If you can try to keep this panic away from him as you probably won't get the reassurances you need from him right now. Maybe soon you will, but right now I'd leave that aside if you can. The bonus to that is you'll ultimately be proving them wrong in their harsh opnion too. Actions speak louder than words, don't they?

Read back over your diary honey and see how many people on here can see how you've come on so far and how well you do the majority of the time. Your blips are less intense and easier to deal with and you ALWAYS pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get straight back on track. You are an absolute inspiration and I don't say that lightly.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Oh Fudgie, I'm sorry to hear all that. It sounds to me like the girlfriend doesn't want you there as you don't get on, and she is just pulling the 'Mental Health card' to cover her back.

Of course you, and others with similar issues, can be in a relationship. I must admit to wondering whether you should be in this particular relationship though. It can be hard to forget past problems if they are being served to you as a constant reminder. It doesn't sound like DE or his family are particularly supportive, although it was nice of DE to try to figure out a way for you to go (even if his logic was a bit sqew wiff!).

I'm not sure what the answer is here. I know it's not chocolate though . Big hugs Xx

Fudgefund

Thanks you two. :A

That brought a tear to my eye, Muffintops, thank you for the kind words. I do think DE is strong enough to stand up to them, I just wish the matter hadn't arisen in the first place. You exactly hit the nail on the head about my thoughts flying - I was just so nonplussed I didn't know how to react. I've moved away from the Twixes now, gone and got myself a peppermint tea. We agreed last night to go back to calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend, so this hitch is really unwelcome! I just wish I could've left it better, but at the end of the day it was all I could think about and that's that. I'm glad of the thinking space I've got until I next see DE on Friday.

I know what you mean, PLMBL, about walking away and I promise that I've considered it heavily. I do love DE though, so it's really all I want to be with him. I have to say, all the rest of his family have been super nice and expressed their pleasure at us back together, it is just these two who have chosen to be like this. It was in the back of my mind that his family might be worried for him, I just didn't want to hear about it! The couple in question have led very closeted lives - middle class upbringing, no divorces, no 'characters' in the family, sadly I think it's made them a bit judgemental. The brother works in a hospital and has experience of 'crazy' people (he's not a psych nurse or anything). He obviously thinks he knows it all.

I think it's a dead cert that my lack of invite is due to our mutual dislike, but at the end of the day you have to get on with things where families are concerned! I'm not entering into any tit for tat behaviour, all I can do is carry on being my best self and working on my relationship.

I think a good night's sleep will help enormously.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Yes MuffinTops said it much more eloquently than I did!

Your more recent post was much more positive Fudgie. I'm so pleased.

What does the rest if DE's family think of your non invite? Xx

Fudgefund

They were both fine posts and much appreciated!

I do feel a lot more positive, had a good girly chat with a friend who pointed out this wedding and christening are putting a lot of pressure on a relationship with enough issues that needs to find it's feet first. I'm drawing a line under it and not letting it bother me.

I have no idea if the family know or not! It did occur to me that at some point it will come up with the parents, I know my mum would be straight in there. I'm just concentrating on me.

*Robin*

Hello Fudgie, :hello:

Awkward that this wedding problem has popped up now; Bridezilla will surely get her way [it is her wedding] so the best thing you could do is book yourself a solo/girls-only holiday covering the date. ASAP (before your family find out)..

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote:

I must admit to wondering whether you should be in this particular relationship though.

Am a bit uneasy about this too. Despite telling us you have agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend again, you still refer to him as Dear Ex - I find that rather worrying.

If it's now a grown-up relationship where you both spend quality time together [and only quality time], then there's nothing wrong with you deciding you don't wish to party with people who have a bad opinion of you - just give yourself a good excuse!

Fudgefund

Hello Robin

Yes, the wedding timing is terrible but there are lessons to be learnt, and I do like a life lesson. Aside from the wedding, there has been the thorny issue of my niece's Christening hanging over our heads, as DB had agreed to be Godfather a year ago but a lot has happened since then. My sister insisted on me asking him, even though it seemed a terrible idea 6 weeks back into a relationship, so I did. He said he would think about it, the wedding thing hit, I was aware that I was becoming increasing unhappy and nothing is worth my unhappiness. I met DB at lunchtime and told him I thought him being a Godfather at this point was crazy, and it isn't that I don't feel committed to him but I feel this is all getting very heavy considering the couple issues we need to go through, sod the families! I also told him that the idea of his family thinking I was bad for him had very much upset me, and he assured me this isn't the case.

I can see why you are all uneasy about the relationship but we are having a good time spending quality time together. I have upgraded DE to DB on here, I didn't before because I thought there was an outside chance someone reading might think I had two on the go. I think the holiday is a really good idea, as it's also around the time of my 30th a girly weekend away won't seem strange at all. I suppose I better start looking, such a shame. :rotfl:

I've always been far too concerned about what people think. I don't even want to be at this wedding, but all my worry was taken up with how it would look to other people. I'm stopping that now.

Walked to work again today and haven't spent anything. :j

Fudgefund

Time for a quick post-weekend update methinks, I don't have a great deal of good news, but I shall endeavour to keep my hand in. I've had a good weekend, Friday night involved seeing one of DB's best friends which I was quite anxious about but it was absolutely fine and I didn't drink anything even though they both were. On Saturday however I went to a friend's house for a small party and was drinking cider. :cool: I intended to keep to a prescribed 2 pint limit but I think I ended up having closer to five as we were both there so long. I wasn't particularly drunk, I have no regrets on a social score, I just feel a bit down today and the two are definitely intertwined. To make up for my foolishness I am planning to have a mega healthy week where I eat well and exercise everyday to banish any demons, and I won't bother drinking next weekend either. I don't know if I'm just getting old or suddenly learning my lesson, but it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. I'd much rather get up on a weekend morning feeling positive and healthy rather than a bit rubbish and a bit vulnerable.

It was nice to have DB at the party with me though, in our previous relationship we didn't make enough effort with each other's friends, and that is definitely improving. Unfortunately I spent far too much this weekend which is awful behaviour and has left me with the princely sum of £12 to live on for the next four days. I don't have any transport or food costs to contend with so in theory it's doable. I think I'm going to have to go back to keeping a spending diary because the past couple of weeks money just seems to be running though my fingers. I'm meant to be living on £50 a week so this lackadaisical attitude just isn't an option.

Going to walk to work tomorrow. Now the mornings are brighter again I've been getting up a lot earlier - I'm on course to make up my first flex day for two years this week, which after being 15 hours down last summer is a big achievement. :T

Just remembered I've got to buy a birthday present this week too. :eek: Cripes.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Do you have anything you can re-gift? Or any vouchers lurking anywhere? Is it someone you can make a cake for instead? Xx