At 27, my life is rubbish.

mae

Do you know what I was just thinking some more about your post and the fact that you can't live in your home town because of what those ADULts did to you as a defenseless child means they still hold the power over you and are still controlling your life. I feel angry for you. It sounds really scary to feel like that about your home town and so crippling tofeel judged by people. I hope that you soon feel more in control to take that power back from them abusers and allow yourself to live and be near your beloved father so they are no longer controlling what you did in your life. You didn't have choices when you were a child they were made for you now though the choices are yours and you should start looking people in the eye believing that it was not your fault what happened to or what path it then led you on. Being a teengaer is a very very emotional difficult time and teenagers end up doing lots of things they regret but add to that what you went through at that age and you end up with a very confused rebelling and frightened young person. I hope you were offered some help while you were in and out of foster homes etc.
Sorry I'm rambling now but I just really feel angry that these people are still ruling your life to the point of were you live when you want to be near your father.
Please try and read the book I suggested you sound like you are ready to start your journey of healing and I do genuinely wish you all the luck.
Keep us informed of how you are feeling if you can.

art_student

Hi tinandsue, I am so sorry to hear about the things which happened to you. I am absolutely no expert in these matters at all but I had a thought which was would using your experience to provide help to others help you to feel more positive and stronger? For example if you were able to get involved with a charity dealing with child abuse victims? As I say, I am not an expert and this might not be appropriate for you.
I would also echo what others have said and suggest that you post your SOA. If you are finding it difficult to take control of your life, you will get loads of great advice on here to help you take control of your finances and then that might get you feeling more positive and give you the confidence to take control in other areas.
Hope some of this is helpful, if not then just know that there are people here who care.

tinandsue

I am totally overwhelmed by the sheer amount of responses I have received. I have tried to click on the thanks button for you all but for some reason, my computer will not allow me. So, please be assured that I am very grateful to you all for your support and advice.

Thank you so much for the advice regarding cheap coach travel. I think my main problem would be that because I have 4 children and the journey would take 12 hours approx each way, my husband would have to take a lot of time off work to care for the kids just to enable me to go and this is time we cannot afford. I guess I could take the kids with me in the holidays, although it would be a gruelling journey for the two youngest ones. Anyhow, it was very useful advice and I think I'll plan a journey for the summer hols if it is that cheap- it'll give me something to look forward to.


To SSB...you really hit the nail on the head when you said about feeling ashamed. I feel so very ashamed and blame myself for dressing the way I did and flirting the way I did when I was 12. I came from an old-fashioned sort of family where sex wasn't discussed and I took my lead from my older siblings-I had 3 older siblings who were 18,20 and 23 at that time. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry to grow up as it majorly backfired.

To Pobby... I'm pleased that you asked if I had considered counselling. I have spent the last 15 years telling myself that I didn't need any. I decided at the time that I was going to be strong. I didn't want to be a victim or have it affect my future in any way. I threw myself into having boyfriends and dating boys my age as my peers were doing but it never felt right and I was just going through the motions. I was watching daytime telly a few months back and saw an article featuring Stuart Howarth, a man who had suffered child abuse. I cried my eyes out watching it and visited the websites he recommended. I went with the flow and before I really knew what I was doing, had booked myself an appointment to see a support worker for victims of rape. I have had 3 sessions so far and it has brought all the memories that I had hidden, flooding back. I think that is why I have been able to post on here.

To Mae... It was interesting to me that you refer to what happened as child abuse because I tend to focus on it as being rape, which I know to be wrong, but often forget my age at the time as a huge part of me still feels exactly the same as I did back then. Thanks for recommending the book and I will definitely give it a read. My father is definitely a major player in my life and I miss him and his positivity so very much. But not being able to return home is not just about me. I fear for my kids constantly. I am so scared that bringing them up in that place would put them at risk, just like I was. I know it can happen anywhere but now that I live in a village as opposed to a large South-East town, I feel it is less likely. I don't feel very well equipped to deal with the scenarios that living there would present.

To art_student...Thanks so much for your advice. I dream of one day being of some use to someone who needs me. Unfortunately, at the moment, I am too much of a mess to help anyone else and I'm still looking for my own answers.

I can't reiterate enough how grateful I am to all of you people. You have all helped make a difference to me just knowing that there are so many kind people out there. My mother always used to tell me that "most people are basically decent", but I had really forgotten that until now.

newmum1

Firstly I would like to say well done for posting, as thats a start, secondly your life isnt rubbish as you have got this far and have four beautiful children. You wont be in debt forever it may take a while as with all of us but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have suffered a lot when you were a child but you just hold your head high cause you were not to blame for any of it.

tinandsue

To newmum1... Many thanks for your support.

mae

Just a suggestion but have you tried searching on the net or asking your doctor if there are any support groups for victims of abuse as it may help to be around people who have been in similar situations maybe and draw strength from each other and feel in a safe place to talk about what happened to you.
Also is it possible for your dad to come stay with you for a while it may do you both good?
Also can I just say how amazing you are to put your childrens safety so fore front even though you miss your family so much, that doesn't sound like the actions of a failure to me just the actions of a strong character who knows what she wants for her children.

tinandsue

Hi Mae,

I haven't looked for support groups but am receiving support from a rape support worker and that is really all I can handle at the minute. My Dad comes up to stay with my Mum every few months or so but is not really aware of what I'm going through. It's not talked about and they don't really know how I feel. Besides which, I wouldn't want to trouble an 81 year old with all my concerns.

saver_mum

Ive just read your story and wanted to post to say how brave you are by posting your story on to the site..you have taken a big step and it will be onwards and upwards from now on..you have booked councelling sessions which will help you deal a major trama in your life that is still effecting you now..
Please dont let that effect you for the rest of your life you are a worthwile person and will continue to be so..there are some great people on these forums and the best thing someone will always be around to chat should you feel low..
on a practical front have you made sure you are claiming the right amount of tax credits ect ect that you may be entitled to?
there is a great web site called https://www.entitled2.com
which is basicially an online calulator telling you what benefits you may be entitled too..
worth a look ..have you any bank charges in the last 6 years to which you can claim back..?
as this will help ease your financial burden...
x

joeblack066

Just wanted to say 'Hi', and that I, too , believe that you are a very strong person to have come through all of this. I work in Childrens Homes, and I know that terrible things happen to children, and you MUST remember, as said before, that these adults abused you, you had no choice over their behaviour. Please please go for counselling, and also consider hypnotherapy, although I appreciate that the price might be too high for you. Take care and keep us posted. ***HUGS***

tinandsue

You are all very kind. I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you.