Almost adult teenager and studying - or not!

ktb

I don't know if this might be a little contencious, but in my experience if you are bright, well mannered/turned out and keen, you can get on very well in life without lots of formal qualifications. (i'm sure you can get on without these things too - but this is just my POV)

My brother has 5 C grade GCSEs (not including maths!) and no other qualifications and he is now earning over £60k a year. He is dyslexic and did not fare well in the education system, but once he had matured a bit & his ambition kicked in, he stepped up did what he needed to do.

I was considered bright by my teachers, but every report says "could try harder"..... I only have 2 A Levels, but felt funnelled into going to Uni and ended up with a 2:1 degree. However at the end of all that I wondered what the hell i'd bothered for, as I did not want to work in the field of my degree and it was a fairly pointless exercise & I still have £10k student debt a decade later.

I do have a really good job now though, as I entered my workplace as a temp at a fairly junior level and then worked my way up. I have always shown willing and offered that little bit extra to my employers where possible. I got promoted to a position where I had no experience as the people I had worked for gave such good references based on my attitude.

I have also been involved in interviewing young people for industry placements and I can tell you for a fact that the I judge people on the qualities I listed at the top - NOT what is on their CV re: qualifications and my employer makes a point of earmarking the young people who exhibit these qualities, for further development.

My parents freaked out that I wasn't achieving everything that they knew I was capable of at 17/18/19 - but I think people mature at different times and I am glad things happened as they did.

kazd

His backup plan is to try for a school leavers place at an accountancy firm, apparently he only needs 2 x b and 1 x c to qualify - of course he then has to fight for his place with everyone else.

We have talked long and hard about Uni and which course, he agreed with us that he had always suggested Accountancy because he is good at maths and we have a friend who is a senior partner for one of the big four and has seen how good life can be if you put the effort in like our friend.

However, we suggested that he does a general maths degree and take the three or four years to really find out what it is he wants to do. A maths degree can open many doors not just accountancy.

He agrees with all this but at the moment it seems like the desire to sit down and study is just not there he would rather spend hours on pointless texting and Facebook.

kazd

I am not going to kick him out I just feel like frightening him with it at the moment but I do realise this is not the way to go.

The problem with my son is that he talks the good talk to make you happy but then does the exact opposite.

Having talked to my husband today about it, we have said that we will turn the internet off and take his phone when he is supposed to be studying. We are not asking a lot, in return for him putting in some effort he gets taken everywhere, picked up from parties. Clothes bought, treated often.

I have said to him to take the time to decide on his career path whilst doing his degree and lets face it having an absolute blast. It might be that in the end he may want to go into teaching. He enjoys teaching younger students and is good at helping his siblings when they are stuck. Who knows, all I am saying to him is don't channel towards accountancy when you have no idea what you really want to do. Keep your options open.

At the end of the day if he chooses not to go the Uni route we will be quids in as the money we have set aside for him won't get spent. I am estimating £4k a year, so that could be £12 - £16k saved. (Although we have two more following in his wake!)

londoner01

Tell him that if he wants the accountancy future, he needs to study now to get the grades, but also to get the basics! Uni won't be half as fun if he's catching up on things he could have learnt at A levels.

You can *suggest* things like switching off his mobile phone, switching off the internet while he is studying. You can't force him because it needs to be his decision to keep at it.

Explain to him the basics of procrastination, and how eliminating the temptation is half the battle. Does he need his computer to study?

kazd

No I don't think he does need his computer to study.

His school email on a daily basis with the homework that is set and due in date. It is a new service as you had to rely on the kids filling in their homework diaries.

Can I just go and bang his head against a brick wall. Please, pretty please. 😠

Hermia

Do you know anyone outside the family who mucked up their future who could talk to him? One of my friends at school had an older sister who had p***ed about when she was a teenager and failed everything. She was working a MW job at 21 and trying to get her A-levels in the evening which was very tiring for her. I remember she came in and talked to our class about what it's like being unqualified in the job market and she also talked about how much harder it is trying to get qualifications whilst working. I do remember her having more of an effect on everyone simply because she wasn't much older than us and wasn't a parent/teacher.

kazd

Well I suppose my nephew, he is at Uni now as an older student although he is only 21 and starting his second year.

Not sure I know anyone else.

tyllwyd

I agree that you can't study for him and he needs to motivate / discipline himself.

One method I quite like is the pomodoro technique, where you set periods of study / break time. You could try showing him that - he might find it easier to turn off the phone/internet if it is for a defined period of time. But there is only so much you can do, you can't force someone to learn.

Fire_Fox

If he fails or doesn't do as well as he likes he will have to resit or get a job, it's a life lesson not the end of the world. Both my sibling and I left/ got kicked out of college at 17 - my sibling is now head of customer services for a large company with a salary to match, I have three degree level qualifications. Loads of teens resit, take a year or two out before university, go a different route into university from A levels - they still get there and they still have fun. Sometimes you need to fail or to have to work full time to mature and realise what you really want.

Maybe you could have your son come up with the solutions and set those commitments to paper in order to increase study time rather than you nagging/ telling him what he can and cannot or should and should not be doing. Maybe he also needs to think about what HE wants for his future and how HE plans to get there, not what you think is the best route. Leaving home is not a good reason to go to university, and a great salary is too far in the future to use as a carrot. On the one hand you are proposing treating him like a child by 'confiscating' his gadgets, on the other you want him to think like an adult?!

nickj_2

i would just let him get on with it , he's big enough and old enough to sort his own life out , if he can't be bothered to study and doesn't get the grades he needs it might wake him up to the fact that if you want something then you have to graft for it , - you may want to point out that sweeping the floor at mcdonalds will probably only get him nmw , if he does fail and as to retake ,future employers may question why, which will count against him in the big wide world