splitting up and not married

Oldernotwiser

You need to get the house valued immediately to find out if there's any equity in it. If there's none (or even negative) then it could be worth while putting the mortgage and loan in his name and signing the house over. Otherwise you would be liable for the whole lot if he refuses to pay. If there's any equity in the house then the situation would be different. You really shouldn't delay seeing a solicitor just for the cost of a few quid on the overdraft. He's getting ahead of you on the legal side and you need to sort out your situation quickly or he's going to run rings around you!

n199dky

hi have not had time to read all replys but i split with my sons dad 8 years ago my son stayed with his dad at the property we own jointly were not married, when i went to a solicitor he told me i didnt have to pay anything towards the mortgage but would have to pay maintanance and i would also have to sighn a form giving him parental responabillties as we were not married he had no legal rights over our son, i dont know if the law has changed but you used to be able to stay in your home until the kids are 16,
i would be changing me mobile number as well not very nice at all what he doing to ya and if you have to get intouch with him withold ya number hope everything works out 4 ya

Stigatto

Hi Nikki

Firstly, don't blame yourself and secondly you are going to have to develop a sense of a warrior. You have two children to think of, so if you find that what you have to do is not normally part of your character, remember it's for your children. (as with most advice given in these forums) always get proper legal advice before you take any action.

1. CSA or its now equivilant, they will look at both your income and decide how much the absent parent will have to contibute towards the upkeep of your children. Deal with them only, don't try and negotiate with your ex, there are various fanancial guidlines they take into account, you would be suprised how much you may be entitled to.

2. Good family solicitor, would inform you that you have the right to stay in the family home up to the point where your youngest is 18yrs of age. That although your ex partner still has a share in the property, he can not access this until the former happens. Housing Benefit pay interest on mortgages, so you may be entitled to get some help depending on your income. Once you have recieved advice regarding your housing circumstances, you should then follow it, ie he may be instucted to leave the premises and allow you and the children to move back in.

So in theory you should have money from him comming in and a roof over your head for yourself and the children.

With regards to your breakup, the emotional side will take time, most of us men behave like little children at first and only think about ourselves, not about our major responsibility " OUR CHILDREN". Hopefully, in time he will come to realise this before it is too late. Remember, emotions have to take second place, do not be drawn in to stupid games, it will pass, (have strength) and even though he may think it's unfair with regards to losing the house IT'S FOR HIS CHILDREN.

A time will come when things will balance out and emotions are less strained.


Good Luck and keep us posted

pinkshoes

First of all, keep hold of any evidence (text messages etc...) that say stuff about him not caring what happens to the kids, just in case he decides he wants custody.

Given that the equity of the house when the loan is paid is probably nothing, then why don't you just go ahead and put the house on the market. "take the bull by the horns" attitude, and take action!! Phone an estate agent, get them to come round and value it, then put it on the market! If you can't afford the mortgage on your own, then it's best to move and cut all ties with this guy.

You shouldn't let him use your car - if he crashed it I bet he wouldn't help pay for any damage!!

Maybe consider moving away somewhere else, and starting a new life! Just because everything is really crappy now, doesn't mean it has to be in the future, so be strong, hold your head up high, and take action!

finally, if your ex is texting you saying how happy he now is, he's obviously not that happy!! just text back telling him you're really happy for him (even if you're not), because he's only trying to wind you up! Don't let him get to you...

Contact the council, and maybe see about getting a temporary council house, or housing association house. 1/3 of new build schemes have to be sold to teh housing association nowadays, so there's some nice houses around, not just grotty 1960s council ones...

good luck!

thesaint

Stigatto wrote: »

Hi Nikki

Firstly, don't blame yourself and secondly you are going to have to develop a sense of a warrior. You have two children to think of, so if you find that what you have to do is not normally part of your character, remember it's for your children. (as with most advice given in these forums) always get proper legal advice before you take any action.

1. CSA or its now equivilant, they will look at both your income and decide how much the absent parent will have to contibute towards the upkeep of your children. Deal with them only, don't try and negotiate with your ex, there are various fanancial guidlines they take into account, you would be suprised how much you may be entitled to.
There is a flat percentage to pay, the OP's income will not make any difference unless she is earning a small fortune.
The father is not obliged to pay anything until an assessment is done, so it would be in her interest to negotiate because the CSA will take months.
2. Good family solicitor, would inform you that you have the right to stay in the family home up to the point where your youngest is 18yrs of age. That although your ex partner still has a share in the property, he can not access this until the former happens. Housing Benefit pay interest on mortgages, so you may be entitled to get some help depending on your income. Once you have recieved advice regarding your housing circumstances, you should then follow it, ie he may be instucted to leave the premises and allow you and the children to move back in.
The 'Good family solicitor' would be sued if they gave information like this.
So in theory you should have money from him comming in and a roof over your head for yourself and the children.
In theory.
With regards to your breakup, the emotional side will take time, most of us men behave like little children at first and only think about ourselves, not about our major responsibility " OUR CHILDREN". Hopefully, in time he will come to realise this before it is too late. Remember, emotions have to take second place, do not be drawn in to stupid games, it will pass, (have strength) and even though he may think it's unfair with regards to losing the house IT'S FOR HIS CHILDREN.

A time will come when things will balance out and emotions are less strained.


Good Luck and keep us posted

Please see a solicitor.