splitting up and not married

nicky7175

hi all just asking for abit of advice really if anyone has been through this. me and partner slit up after 11 years 6 weeks ago , have 2 sons together aged 6 and 20months. We have a joint mortgage and also a 60000 secured loan which was only took out last year for an extension.
Partner moved into a room in a shared house he has now seen a soliciter and wants to demand the sale of the house so he can afford somewhere bigger, apparently he can do this because we never married. He said me and his sons could live in a council house for all he cares.
He has seen his kids once since he left and never phones or asks about them, I am trying to pick up the pieces with looking after them and they are hard work constantly wanting your attention. I am not working at the mo gave up work when partner started his own business.
I have since found out he has been seeing someone else and i get nasty texts constantly saying how happy etc he his.
I am constanly worried about the house and finances he is not paying hardley anything into the joint account that we both have to cover bills in fact he is drawing more out and even signed a new mobile phone direct debit the other day to the account and registered it to the house.
I am waiting to get legal aid and have an appointment on 18April. Which seems like ages away
any advice would be gratefully appreciated

chilli_dog

Im sorry for what your going through.

Can you get to see a solicitor for a free half hour chat any quicker?

Is it a joint mortgage?
Are you in touch with the CSA?

nicky7175

hi thanks for your reply no could not get into soliciter any quicker thats the earliest they could see me. yes mortgage is in joint names

jordylass

I was in similar circs a while ago and saw solicitor for free half hour, but I'm sure they said I was not entitled to legal aid because of the amount of equity in the house. If they were acting on my behalf to get the house sold their bill would be mounting until it did and then payable when the house sold.
I think your best bet would be Citizen advice or maybe Gingerbread.
As an aside, if he really was that happy why would he be needing to text you to tell you so?

chilli_dog

You should make an appointment with the CAB.

Have you contacted the CSA?
is he giving you anything towards the kids at the min?

Us men are stupid sometimes, one day he will wake up and realise what he has done.

nicky7175

cheers guys no not giving any money for kids really at the mo i told him i needed to buy them some new clothes for the warmer weather and his answer was tough wait for the house to be sold!!!!
dont think there is any equity in house because of the loan so we wouldnt gain any money if the house was sold. seen cab and they said to see a soliciter
any more advice would be appreciated

chilli_dog

Are you claiming any benefits?

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to

http://www.entitledto.co.uk/

mountainofdebt

Haven't got much advice really apart from if you go over to the debt free wanabee board there will be people on there who can suggest ways of reducing any outgoings you may have to perhaps ease that worry.

As far as the texts are concerned, if you can't change your number then perhaps the next time he sends a text saying how happy he is you could send one back saying something along the lines of how happy you are now that you've got rid of a cheating pig or that you are pleased he's happy. Might just take the wind out of his sails!

Jo_R_2

Not sure I can offer any advice on the financial side of things regarding the house - I split with my OH a month ago but we didn't have a mortgage. He's not contributing anything but more because he can't afford to. I do know how it feels when they don't see the kids, the ex just saw ours yesterday for the first time in nearly three weeks...

Anyway agree with what has been said about checking what yr entitled to. It might also be an idea to contact utilities companies, and anyone else you pay monthly DDs to to explain the situation - keep them informed from the start so you don't get into a mess because they didn't know.

Also asap I'd make an appointment at the Job Centre to see the lone parent advisor to make sure you can claim everything you are entitled to. Contact the council to let them know you are the only adult at the home and you will get 25% rebate off the bill. Are you getting tax credits? If so contact them straightaway (they're open 8-8 nearly every day!) and end the joint claim and make a fresh one. If not then make a new claim.

Also when you claim for income support if I understand rightly the DWP contact the father as a matter of course with regard to claiming child maintenance. No doubt there will be someone around soon who can advise more about how that works.

And can't understand how he could be like that towards the children Sounds like you are better off without someone like that - not sure that will make you feel better but I sympathise :grouphug:

Aslo wanted to add it may be worth opening an new bank account to get benefits paid into so he can't grab that money.

heather38

first i would open a new bank account and have all your money paid into that so that you know that you have some money he can't touch. also if you wftc don't forget to let them know you are now single as you don't want a bill for overpayments as you don't get it if you're not working

zzzLazyDaisy

GO AND SEE A SOLICITOR, I cannot stress this enough. Every case is different. With no or little equity in the house and (crucially) the fact that you are living in the house, which means it is your HOME that you are talking about, you are much more likely to get legal aid.

No-one on here can advise you. Unless they are a solicitor specialising in family law, in which case they would refuse to advise you because it would be unethical to do so without knowing all the facts.

Your position is much weaker than if you were married, but you are entitled to maintenance for the children, and this may include a contribution towards the cost of keeping a roof over their heads.

Sending you hugs

Daisy (a solicitor but not specialising in family law)