Should i propose and how?!

fluffnutter

TBH, some men aren't too great with hints. It's no wonder men think that women talk a different language. If you want to get married, the best thing to say is 'I'd like to get married'.

fluffnutter

Panda78 wrote: »

It's not a deal breaker, but i'd be disappointed, because our relationship has lasted longer than his previous marriage did anyway.

I wonder if as he's nearly 50, he's past thinking about marriage, particularly after a bad one, where as i'm now at an age where it has now become important.

You're never too old to get married

Panda78

tea_lover wrote: »

Appeal to his pragmatic side - point out it's easier than making wills.

That's actually a good path to take with him, playing down the romantic notion might calm him down!

londonsurrey wrote: »

And tax breaks in event of death!

BTW are you already named on each others' pension plans? That's important. I was widowed at 38. Believe you me, marriage and paperwork matters in the aftermath.

He is on my pension plan, but he doesn't have one at work.

InsideInsurance

I'm surprised after 13 years that you are totally clueless on what his reaction would be!?! None of your friends have gotten married, divorced or widowed in the last few years and naturally caused the conversation to come up?

29 Feb 2016 is a fair way off so a bit of a wait if you want to be traditional. Given the 16 year age gap I am guessing you arent that traditional anyway so if you want to ask then just ask, its the same as if a man was to ask you, just dont do either then ring or the one knee (not flattering for women and especially not if your in stilettos )

LEJC

Then I think you just need to ask....I wouldnt dress it up with a fancy proposal....straight heartfelt facts thats whats needed!

A freiend of mine has been with her partner for 17 years and recently realised that actually she would like to marry him,raised the subjet and its full staem ahead to a small but intimate wedding next June...

If you dont ask you'll never know

Panda78

LEJC wrote: »

Then I think you just need to ask....I wouldnt dress it up with a fancy proposal....straight heartfelt facts thats whats needed!

A freiend of mine has been with her partner for 17 years and recently realised that actually she would like to marry him,raised the subjet and its full staem ahead to a small but intimate wedding next June...

If you dont ask you'll never know

That's exactly what i would like, no desire for a big wedding, it's not the day itself that i am after. I would just like to be married now to make our so far long and happy relationship more official.

tea_lover

InsideInsurance wrote: »

I'm surprised after 13 years that you are totally clueless on what his reaction would be!?!

I feel a bit like that! Have been with my OH for 7 years, we own a home together, are currently undergoing fertility treatment and are very much in it for the long haul... but I don't know whether he sees us getting married one day. We've been to lots of other weddings in that time, just never asked each other what we think lol. We're both divorced, maybe that's made us both a bit more wary of even thinking about trying again.

daisiegg

InsideInsurance wrote: »

29 Feb 2016 is a fair way off so a bit of a wait if you want to be traditional. Given the 16 year age gap I am guessing you arent that traditional anyway so if you want to ask then just ask, its the same as if a man was to ask you, just dont do either then ring or the one knee (not flattering for women and especially not if your in stilettos )

Bit of an assumption there. My fianc! is 15 years older than me and we are incredibly traditional...

Anyway, that aside! To the OP, I think if I were in your position I'd raise the subject rather than proposing as such. But this is because I am very traditional (despite the fact that apparently having an age gap means you're not!) and feel it is the man's job to do the proposing!

Panda78

InsideInsurance wrote: »

I'm surprised after 13 years that you are totally clueless on what his reaction would be!?! None of your friends have gotten married, divorced or widowed in the last few years and naturally caused the conversation to come up?

29 Feb 2016 is a fair way off so a bit of a wait if you want to be traditional. Given the 16 year age gap I am guessing you arent that traditional anyway so if you want to ask then just ask, its the same as if a man was to ask you, just dont do either then ring or the one knee (not flattering for women and especially not if your in stilettos )

tea_lover wrote: »

I feel a bit like that! Have been with my OH for 7 years, we own a home together, are currently undergoing fertility treatment and are very much in it for the long haul... but I don't know whether he sees us getting married one day. We've been to lots of other weddings in that time, just never asked each other what we think lol. We're both divorced, maybe that's made us both a bit more wary of even thinking about trying again.

We went to my brother's wedding recently, sister got married a few years ago, but it didn't lead to The Coversation! My parents divorced when i was 5 and i went through life putting emphasis on being in a happy relationship - marriage was not essential. I never had the dream of my wedding day and dress etc. Perhaps i have conveyed that too much, as most other women would be harrassing their partners for marriage much earlier than 13 years!

Panda78

daisiegg wrote: »

Bit of an assumption there. My fianc! is 15 years older than me and we are incredibly traditional...

Anyway, that aside! To the OP, I think if I were in your position I'd raise the subject rather than proposing as such. But this is because I am very traditional (despite the fact that apparently having an age gap means you're not!) and feel it is the man's job to do the proposing!

LOL, i am actually traditional too and that's also the reason why i haven't proposed so far - i wanted him to do it! I just feel like we have probably left things too long now and both are scared of rocking a happy boat. "If it ain't broke" and all that, plus my OH is very laid back, never plans anything and lives life day by day. I think a chat rather than a proposal would be best.

Thanks to everyone for the advice so far.