Diagnosed with terminal cancer - What next?

claire21

Im very sorry to hear your news.

My father died 4 years ago at the age of 62. Just recently we found some old cine films in the grandmothers house and it was a wonderful thing to see my dad as a 14 year old on film. Take videos of yourself playing with your kids, see if your parents have anything like this of you when you were younger. Photographs are lovely but to actually see moving pictures was a lovely thing for me.

claire21

RawaDawa wrote: »

P.S. on the funeral front, I'm holding out for a Pirate themed on (parrots optional) with an ice cream van )

A sense of hummor is a wonderful thing to have.

When my father had to be blasted in a lead lined room, when they wheeled him out he put flashing teeth in his mouth and told the nurses he didnt think he was safe to come out the room yet.

StephenM_2

Make sure she knows about Bereavement Payment. Its a £2000 tax free, lump sum, non means tested benefit she can get when the time comes, but she'll have to put in a claim.

Miss_Havisham

are you like the rest of us and have a shoe-box full of old photos under the stairs ? It would be worthwhile sorting through them with your family and write down who is in them and when/where they were taken. Your children might take comfort in putting them into an album in due course and adding your notes.

I am so sorry you and your family are having to go through this.

Tiddlywinks

Given the time you have, all of the next birthdays, special days, Christmas etc will take on an extra meaning as they may be the last where you are all together... this can be tough as there is extra pressure to make them 'perfect'. Try to just enjoy being together and when things aren't 'perfect' then your sense of humour will really help.

I lost my mum a while ago to a late diagnosed brain tumour - too late for her to realise what was happening. I can't put into words how much I wish I could turn back the clock and just have a casual chat with her about some of her favourite photos or trinkets - maybe you could talk around some of your things with your children and then they will have the history of them for the future.

Also, I missed (and still miss) hearing mum's voice... how about recording a few family stories / anecdotes for your family to watch / listen to when things get rough for them? Your favourite joke or something with a bit of humour to make them smile and remember the good times. Make sure that you make more than one copy though as it's too easy to delete files and that would be painful for someone who make that mistake.

On a practical note, am I right that you are renting at the moment? You say you will buy a house with your insurance money... if your wife doesn't work then you need to establish her income and make sure that it will cover all of the bills / council tax etc with a good amount left over for maintenance / repairs etc for whichever house you choose. It's not just the buying but the upkeep.

daska

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

On a practical note, am I right that you are renting at the moment? You say you will buy a house with your insurance money... if your wife doesn't work then you need to establish her income and make sure that it will cover all of the bills / council tax etc with a good amount left over for maintenance / repairs etc for whichever house you choose. It's not just the buying but the upkeep.

Very good point. Will there be enough for her to have sufficient income to maintain whatever property you buy? If her income is small and she might need to claim means tested benefits then she might not be able to afford the upkeep. You should consider consulting a solicitor about putting your estate into trust for the benefit of her and the children (which would protect it) before you make any purchase. And, sorry , will you have care costs towards the end? Probably best to factor in something for those as well. Arranging the details for and pre-paying your funeral might be something to consider, it can be very comforting for the survivor for them to know they're giving a person the send-off they would have liked.

41_and_i_know_it

RawaDawa wrote: »

I've just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and want to get everything in order for when the inevitable happens.

I'm 39, married with 2 kids (7 and 9).

My wife doesn't work, all of the household bills are in my name and are paid from my bank account.

I have a cash ISA and several shares ISAs in my name, can I transfer them to my wife?

I know I need to sort out a will, but are we better off transferring as many things as possible into my wife's name now or waiting?

Thanks for your help.

I truly don't know what to say, I'm 41 with a nearly 6 and 8 year old. You say you've just been diagnosed and this must be a shock, I think you need to come to terms with the diagnosis and ensure that stress is kept to a minimum. That said, if worrying about your family when the time comes is stressing you out then taking control over this will empower you. As long as you feel that we are thinking about you and supporting you from afar, I don't want to give you the wrong financial advice so see other posters. I think maybe your wife is worried also about finances but I think that she is more concerned with your physical and emotional health. I will send prayers to you if you wish, I don't want to offend you.x

MrsRawaDawa

Just MrsRawaDawa here- Mr - will be back later.

We thank you all for your messages... this is a horrible time and we are just trying to focus on practical stuff to keep us going for the time being..... and sorting out practical stuff is helping us.

Yes, we are renting of sorts, Mr RD is in the military so having moved every 2 years for the last 12.. we've had no choice, but we have enough form various life insurances (when they pay out) and savings that we can buy a house and I will have money to live on for a few years..

Thank you again for all your suggestions on all sorts of things- finances and personal stuff- I suppose *luckily* from Mr RD job, and much time spent in hot sandy places, he has always made video clips to send back to the children so we have our fair share of these - it sounds silly at the moment a lot of these lovely memory making suggestions sound wonderful but feel a little too hard emotionally at the moment to put in practice although the wheels are in motion with them all.

For now, though, we keep on going.. and make the most of every day because that is what is important...

I might not post again on this thread as it is Mr RD's... and I want to give him space but I will pop by and read.

Thanks again.

Mojisola

MrsRawaDawa wrote: »

it sounds silly at the moment a lot of these lovely memory making suggestions sound wonderful but feel a little too hard emotionally at the moment to put in practice although the wheels are in motion with them all.

For now, though, we keep on going.. and make the most of every day because that is what is important...

I might not post again on this thread as it is Mr RD's... and I want to give him space but I will pop by and read.

It doesn't sound silly at all. You're going through one of the hardest things we ever face in our lives.

There are some suggestions of support forums in the earlier posts. It can help a lot to talk things through (or just have a rant) with people who have been through the same experience.

Be prepared for an unexpected range of emotions, including ones that feel "wrong" like anger, that's perfectly normal. Talking with people who know what you're feeling with help you keep things in perspective.

danlojo

So sorry to read your post. Life is a real sh*t

Use the services of your unit welfare and the Army Families Federation (if you are Army).

We've had this happen to a couple of friends of ours and they had lots of help from both these people. Ask for anything you need to know about, they're there to help.

Macmillan are fab too and they will give every bit of help that you may need.

All our 'house' related policies/accounts are in my name as dh is away with the Army a lot and it's easier for me to be in control of the accounts.

Hang in there and keep believing xx