Is my 5yr old daughter being bullied at school?

asandwhen

I am really worried about my DD.

She started year 1 a few weeks ago and was really excited about seeing her friends again. Since going back I have noticed that she is very quiet at home and even started to wet herself at night (which is really out of character). I have also noticed the little girl who she was best friends with last year has been avoiding her in the playground when I drop her off.
There is also another girl in her class that does come across at miss popular and all the girls seem to follow her lead. I noticed this morning when I dropped DD off she went up to her friend and the other little girl told this friend to come and stand with them and not with my DD.

It has really upset me and I dont really know what to do next. I have left a message for the teacher to call me to discuss my worries but I dont want to stir up a load of trouble for just normal child behavior.

I know girls will be girls and this sort of thing happens but its heartbreaking to watch.

AlisonHarrison

Upsetting as this is, I don't think this is bullying.
So your child's friend doesn't want to play with any more, well that is the friend's choice to do this. She wishes to close down the friendship. Again, her choice, her right to do this.
I hate to sound harsh but your daughter must try to find someone else to play with.
What are you going to say if you go in. " I am complaining that X won't play with my daughter" You cannot make someone play or like someone else.
If on the other hand the girls in question are being deliberately mean to your daughter, then that is a different question. But are they?
In my experience girls who are the most popular are not the ones who are mean. The ones who are most popular tend to include others.
When my own daughter started school in years up to 3, all her teachers said she was the most popular inthe class. Everybody wants to be her friend. She always has a crowd around her.
When she moved schools there was another girl who was similarly popular, who my dauther liked. My daughter said of this girl "Everybody wants to be Liz's friend. She always makes sure that nobody is left out"
They were both likeable.
Are you sure your daughter is being excluded or is it that your daughter doesn't want to be included in the new group and she would just prefer it to be herself and the best friend?
If your daughter's friend finds she no longer wishes for that friendship to continue then you must encourage her to find another friend.
I realise that this must be terribly upsetting for you and your daughter, but you are free to choose your own friendships and so should children.

asandwhen

AlisonHarrison wrote: »

Upsetting as this is, I don't think this is bullying.
So your child's friend doesn't want to play with any more, well that is the friend's choice to do this. She wishes to close down the friendship. Again, her choice, her right to do this.
I hate to sound harsh but your daughter must try to find someone else to play with.
What are you going to say if you go in. " I am complaining that X won't play with my daughter" You cannot make someone play or like someone else.
If on the other hand the girls in question are being deliberately mean to your daughter, then that is a different question. But are they?
If your daughter's friend finds she no longer wishes for that friendship to continue then you must encourage her to find another friend.
I realise that this must be terribly upsetting for you and your daughter, but you are free to choose your own friendships and so should children.

No i dont think the friend is bullying at all. I think it is the other little girl who is trying to isolate my DD by telling the other girls not to play with her. That is what I witnessed this morning in the playground and now I seeing strange behavior at home

gingin_2

You have my sympathies. My daughter is year 4 now and it is important to let the teacher know. She might not single anyone out but will probably discuss with the class about being nice and playing with everyone. It might be that she is aware of issues with the other child and might talk to her and the parents but you are doing the right thing in talking to the teacher.

I have a son and daughter and have found girls are so much worse, there can be huge politics at play but I've always told my daughter to remain neutral, play with everyone but to remember that good friends are true friends, we have lots of playdates with different girls just so she doesn't get isolated into one group.

Del_Astra

I understand it must be hard, from my experience, I would expect the school to pick up on this. Our DS is 5 and I know they are very well supervised in the playground and school would pick up on this sort of thing and nip it in the bud.

I don't know what the playground super vision is like at your DD's school, hopefully it is the same. I don't really have any suggestions of what you can do, as you've phoned the school I'd wait to hear from the teacher.

Are you friendly with you DD's friends mum / dad? Do you socialise out with school with them or does you DD see the friend outside school? I mean if they play together outside it might help the current situation (of course it might make things worse in a month or so when the "fall out" over something outside school) - It works both ways.

AlisonHarrison

asandwhen wrote: »

I think it is the other little girl who is trying to isolate my DD by telling the other girls not to play with her.

Then that is bullying

asandwhen

Del_Astra wrote: »

I understand it must be hard, from my experience, I would expect the school to pick up on this. Our DS is 5 and I know they are very well supervised in the playground and school would pick up on this sort of thing and nip it in the bud.

I don't know what the playground super vision is like at your DD's school, hopefully it is the same. I don't really have any suggestions of what you can do, as you've phoned the school I'd wait to hear from the teacher.

Are you friendly with you DD's friends mum / dad? Do you socialise out with school with them or does you DD see the friend outside school? I mean if they play together outside it might help the current situation (of course it might make things worse in a month or so when the "fall out" over something outside school) - It works both ways.

My wife if kind of friends with the friends mum. They dont socialise but they speak when they see each other. DD and this friend go to Rainbows together after school tonight so my wife is going to speak to the other mum then.

It just brings back so many bad memories for me. I do not want my daughter to have the kind of school life that I had. She is such a friendly, clever, kind and beautiful little girl.

Mojisola

AlisonHarrison wrote: »

In my experience girls who are the most popular are not the ones who are mean. The ones who are most popular tend to include others.

Have you never come across the strong leader who enjoys expressing her power by controlling what her followers do by including or excluding them in her "gang" on her whim?

asandwhen

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you never come across the strong leader who enjoys expressing her power by controlling what her followers do by including or excluding them in her "gang" on her whim?

This is definitely what I am seeing. Sounds silly when you think of it as they are only 5/6 but it definitely goes on.

AlisonHarrison

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you never come across the strong leader who enjoys expressing her power by controlling what her followers do by including or excluding them in her "gang" on her whim?

Not in a girls' school I haven't.
The girls who are popular in the long term do tend to be the nicest girls.
My daughter went to a girls school.
My friend is a teacher and she also says this.

Mojisola

AlisonHarrison wrote: »

Not in a girls' school I haven't.
The girls who are popular in the long term do tend to be the nicest girls.
My daughter went to a girls school.
My friend is a teacher and she also says this.

I also went to a girl only school. I was also a teacher and, later on, a school governor.

I've seen it plenty of times.