How much to give?

poet123

londonsurrey wrote: »

Just be straightforward about it, i.e. you intend to treat them equally, and £15 is what the other baby got.

I suppose this recommendation is coloured by what I am, and how I expect people to take me. So if I intended to spend £15 on each baby, and one mother asked for cash instead, then no problem, she gets £15.

If she thinks £15 is low, then that's her problem, and we have discovered an ongoing issue about her expectations.

No accusations of unfairness can be levied, in fact they can only be levied if £25 were given instead of £15.

They can if the perception is that £30 was spent rather than £15.;)

balletshoes

you spent £15 on one girl, so the other one gets £15 too, thats fair .

balletshoes

poet123 wrote: »

They can if the perception is that £30 was spent rather than £15.;)

mildred can get the reputation in the family for being able to find great pressies without spending loads of money when the kids are at an early age, so the mums know that its best to let mildred do the pressie-buying in future, rather than asking for the money instead.

My sisters and I always do this for our kids' Christmas pressies, we all spend roughly the same on nieces/nephews but the kids end up with stuff which could, at full price, be a lot different in value. No-one cares, least of all the kids (or rather, heading towards teenagers now).

poet123

balletshoes wrote: »

mildred can get the reputation in the family for being able to find great pressies without spending loads of money when the kids are at an early age, so the mums know that its best to let mildred do the pressie-buying in future, rather than asking for the money instead.

She can if she tells them that contrary to appearances she actually got the slide for £15 not the £30 that it would usually cost.

It is entirely up to Mildred of course, but I personally think that if she doesn't tell then the mum whose child gets £15 will think her child has been given less and possibly be upset. Assuming she saw the other present obviously.

Fosterdog

Could you just tell your sister that you've already bought the slide and can't return it? That way you can get the same deal as before without worrying about one getting more than the other.

daska

You give the £15 and ask if she'd like your help tracking down a bargain like you did for neice1.

cottonhead

I would give £25 if thats the cost of the slide. The equal part here is that at the end of the day they get the same present. They wont know you used vouchers the first time. You just happended to get lucky the first time round and save some money.

jackomdj

Reminds me of buying in the big boots sale, got a few items for £10 that should have been about £80. I gave two to friends children for birthdays but told the parents the cost to me as I did not want them to think I had spent a lot.

Person_one

If you can easily afford it, and you say you can, then give presents of equal value rather than equal cost.

That's what's really fair.

londonsurrey

Person_one wrote: »

If you can easily afford it, and you say you can, then give presents of equal value rather than equal cost.

That's what's really fair.

I would agree with you if the OP were buying the babies presents that she's chosen.

However, it's mother #2 that has changed the game by stipulating that cash be given.

Mother #2 is entirely within her rights to request cash if it suits her better, but it's a bit much for the OP to be "embarassed" (I know she's not really embarassed, hence the quote marks, but I'm currently pushed to find a more appropriate word) into increasing the amount of cash she intended to put into it, affordability or no.

The point is that she is exercising her right to treat them equally, and the mother is exercising her right to request cash.

If £15 is given, both those choices are fulfilled.