How much to give?

mildred1978

Bit of a moral dilemma I suppose.

I have 2 nieces. I bought one a slide when she turned 1 earlier this year. It's the other's 1st birthday this weekend and her mum has asked for a slide. Happy days. Or so I thought.

The mum has now decided that she wants to buy her a bigger garden set, and asked if I would give her the cash to put towards it instead. I have no issue with this, but.......

The normal selling price of the slide is £25-30, but with quidco and discount codes I was able to get the last one for £15. I was planning to do the same for this one.

So, do I give the £25 the mum thinks I'd have spent, or the £15 I would have?

All thoughts gratefully appreciated.

Seanymph

£15 - no question.

londonsurrey

Seanymph wrote: »

£15 - no question.

I agree with Seanymph. Plus of course an offer of Quidco & discount code tutorials!

repeatoffender

So really she is asking you for cash not a present? I would say that you would rather give gifts not cash as that makes everyone equal and if she wants to buy a big garden set then go ahead and you will buy something else.

whitewing

For family gifts we set a budget (for us £25 per person), and then spend that amount. So the value of the gifts can vary a lot, depending on the person wants/likes.

So in your case, £15, although I agree that you could pass on your tips for a bargain too.

poet123

I would give the £25 as it is a niece (provided I could afford it)

mildred1978

poet123 wrote: »

I would give the £25 as it is a niece (provided I could afford it)

I can easily afford it.

It's just that that isn't what I spent on my other niece, and I don't really want to set a precedent where it's normal to give £25 every birthday ITSWIM.

(The mum of this niece is VERY materialistic whereas the other isn't. I suppose I don't want to fall into a trap.)

poet123

Then I would say I would prefer to buy a gift. I would imagine that if this mum thinks you spent £30 on the other niece and receives £15 for her child it will cause resentment. So I would buy something else using the methods you outlined above.

mildred1978

poet123 wrote: »

Then I would say I would prefer to buy a gift. I would imagine that if this mum thinks you spent £30 on the other niece and receives £15 for her child it will cause resentment. So I would buy something else using the methods you outlined above.

Trouble is I don't have time to get her a bargain before the party on Saturday (it's a few hundred miles away so we'll be travelling tomorrow) - and I hate paying full price!!!

VfM4meplse

mildred1978 wrote: »

The mum of this niece is VERY materialistic whereas the other isn't. I suppose I don't want to fall into a trap

Then stick to gift vouchers for a children's store, rather than anything that be diverted into the mother's back pocket.

londonsurrey

Just be straightforward about it, i.e. you intend to treat them equally, and £15 is what the other baby got.

I suppose this recommendation is coloured by what I am, and how I expect people to take me. So if I intended to spend £15 on each baby, and one mother asked for cash instead, then no problem, she gets £15.

If she thinks £15 is low, then that's her problem, and we have discovered an ongoing issue about her expectations.

No accusations of unfairness can be levied, in fact they can only be levied if £25 were given instead of £15.