Travel to access son who lives with my ex wife

gadgeteer_2

I've been in this situation for a long time. About 6 years ago I moved away and my ex & I have pretty much shared the driving. Whilst there's a train of thought that says that whoever moved should do the driving, the other side of the coin is that if it's a 70 mile drive each way then that's a 280 mile trip every other weekend which is hell of a journey.

One thing your ex may not have considered is that if you are going to be doing all the driving then your maintenance should be varied to take into account the extra fuel costs. Even the CSA would allow a variation based on that.

What I suspect though is that it's not a case of can't afford it but probably more a case of can't be bothered anymore. Concentration aside, it's also a lot of time it eats up.

How old is your son? Once my kids were old enough, I got them to go up to their mum's on the train instead. At first we met them straight on/off the platform and made sure it was a direct train. But now the ex has moved and the kids are well used to it so they change themselves. But DD was 14/15 when they started getting the train. If your son is younger, it may not be possible. It also saves us both a big chunk in petrol too since child tickets are way cheaper than petrol both ways.

vanderlyle

I can totally empathise with what everyone is saying here. My journey to see my son is a round trip of 640 miles. I am on a very low wage and can only just afford to put petrol in the car for these trips, however I gladly do these long journeys to see my son.

We have ways of making the journey fun, and its long journey anyway so if we stop off anywhere along the way, an extra hour travelling time usually won't hurt. In fact it's a good way to get refreshed before hitting the road again. Try to find parks/ green spaces along your route and play games, make a picnic, just enjoy the time as a bonus. We often stop at different IKEA's along the way, we get to enjoy a free cup of tea (IKEA family card!) and my son loves to play in the children's area - that is if he can resist the meatballs!

Sure it's morally wrong, totally unfair, financially excruciating, mentally tiring, physically wearing but at the end of the day you should cherish the time with your child. Sadly, many dads who don't have contact with their children would love to be in your position.

I agree that this is not fair, and that the law should be changed to reflect shared travel situations, particularly placing responsibility more so on the parent who decides to move away to do their fair share of travelling, for keeping that contact which is in the best interests of their child! My experience of the legal system is that it is sexist, biased and totally outdated. Something has to change.

In my case, my ex moved 320 miles away, yet she does 0 miles of the journey - how can that be right? I have even offered to pay for train tickets for her so that she can meet me halfway but she won't even do that.

The mind boggles...

vanderlyle

Wow sorry for the long post! I obviously needed to get that off my chest!

Johnny_Barnes10

I'm a NRP and do the travelling to pick up my boy and drop him off. Could take up to 2 hours before I was driving, his Mum would always say "I can't afford bus fare to meet halfway". I just didn't bother asking her again and got on with it. Not a patch on some of the journeys above, but (finances permitting) it seems to be more hassle than it's worth asking the Mums to help out.

Rebecca01

This was discussed not long ago to.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4178265