Surnames for children

podperson

I'm a little baffled as to how this is going to make the little boy feel less left out - his baby sister will still have a different name to him and when his mum and her new partner get married (and possibly have further children) then there will be 3 different surnames in the household instead of 2! If mum was keeping her own name then it might make more sense - but then the little boy would still have a different surname to them.
Does James have a good relationship with his own dad - I think that can have a lot to do with it as if they're close to their dad then they are less likely to feel 'left out' as they have a positive connection to where their surname comes from - feeling that they have the same surname as dad rather then just 'not the same one as mum'.

fluffnutter

The reason given for naming Kid B Miss Smith is a little odd - there are more important ways of making your children feel included in the family. Names aren't that big a deal. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet...

londoner01

If I were in that situation I would call my kids James Woods-Smith and Betty Skywalker-Smith, and I would stay as Jane Smith (this is a preference I have anyway, regardless of kids or second marriages)

An interesting way of doing this and reducing legal fuss is to use middle names.

I do agree with the point that names are over-rated, I come from a culture where the wife still keeps her maiden name in legal papers, and I never thought of it as "Mum has a different name to us" because she can also be Mrs Londoner01's Family Name to other people, she just isn't called that legally. In the cases of separations and step-families though it may feel different.

arbroath_lass

I don't think this will help at all but it is up to the parents.

This is why I don't understand unmarried women giving their children the father's surname. If she'd used her own for both children the new husband could change HIS name and they'd all be Smith. If James dad would agree to the name change they still could. I'd've thought he would more likely agree to changing the boys surname to Mum's than an unrelated man.

I appreciate no-one wants to think about splitting up when they've just had a child with someone but it makes sense to me.

ikkle87

When my little brother was born my mum and stepdad asked my school if I could be known as my stepdad's surname, it lasted about a month and then I stopped writing that surname on my homework etc and reverted back to my original surname (my dads surname) cos as far as I was concerned it wasn't my name. I was 12/13 at the time. To me a surname didn't make me anymore or less part of the family, and although my brother is a gobby little teenager now we are still incredibly close.

maryjanell79

Ok I have actually been in this situation (in this case I was in James Woods position). I was 9 my mum was getting married again to the father of my sister was very young.

My mum didn't want me to feel an outsider and go to school with different names so she asked me if I wanted to change my name so it was the same as the rest of the family. Naturally my Dad didn't like this but said it was my decision.

As a child I just wanted to feel like I belonged so I agreed and my surname name was changed.

Pros - Me and my sister have a very good relationship which I think has a lot to do with feeling we are a family as we were the only two that carried the surname (mum now divorced and re-married) so it made us more united as sisters.

Cons - I was clearly way to young to be making that decision myself and sometimes feel like, by giving up my name I give up my heritage, as I have no connection with my sisters dad after the divorce and so my surname doesn't have any feeling of belonging to a family.

I recommend offering James Woods the opportunity to have a double -barrel surname to become James Woods-Smith so you are not denying him his birth right but uniting him in the new family

Hope that helps

katiejones

When i met my fella i already had 1 child, he had my maiden name. Me and fella had two more children, they have his name. Me and fella got married. Child number 1 decided he was changing his name (aged 14) by deed poll, so now we all have the same surname xx

cottonhead

I know someone with kids from different relationships who have given them all the mums maiden name so they are all the same . I am not sure how the mums current partner feels though not having his child have his surname but its one way round it.
Or..... they could all make up completly new names ! Skywalker being a fantastic choice !

caroline78

My brother has a 13 year old daughter. His and her mum separated when the child was two and both are now remarried (well he will be in a few weeks). The Mum went on to have three more children with her new husband and her house is now Mr and Mrs Hampton, Miss, Miss and Master Hampton, and then Miss Brownlee (my niece).

Her Mum has never mentioned changing her name, although my entire family are very involved in my niece and we see her everyday. My niece does call her stepdad Daddy William, and her real dad Daddy, and likes the fact that she has a different name to the rest of them...

System

I wish i'd changed my name when my mum married my step dad. I do sometimes feel like the odd one out in a family of 6, 5 of whom all have one surname and i'm stuck with my bio-dads. At the time we still saw each other, and he would never in a million years have agreed to me changing my name, which also lasted well into my teens, when i could have made the choice to but was scared to for thinking what him and that side of the family would think. Now i have nothing to do with him and i hate having his surname.

I'd say double barrel it maybe? Depends of the kid's relationship with his biological dad.