Cohabiting with Ex & new Partner staying

residential

Hello All,
This forum seemed like the best fit for my question. My girlfriend of four years has recently called time on our relationship,but at the moment we still live together in the (small) one bed flat we bought together three years ago. We have always split bills 50/50 and that's how I expect any financial agreements to be settled.

My question is, in the mean time she expects to have her new partner and friends stay over, but do I have any grounds to refuse for the time being? It's a very small one bed flat and not the ideal time for me. Sleeping arrangements for her and guests would be a double air bed on the lounge floor.

Thanks.

NAR

Yes as a joint owner you have rights. But you need to act like adults and draw up a set of rules that you are both agreeable to, or else sell the place.

downsizer3

'Struth!
I'd start a discussion about how you sell / buy each other out pronto. One of you has to get out or sell up. In the meantime I'd suggest she stays at her boyfriends or its a bit in your face - and pretty unreasonable/unthinking. Not much thought for your feelings there is there?

POPPYOSCAR

By the sound of things you have had a lucky escape!

What kind of person would do such a thing anyway.

VitaK

An air bed is normaly not the most quiet of sleeping arrangements, if you want to do more than just sleep. Do you realy want to be listening to that.

peachyprice

Blimey, what a b!tch.

Having a friend to stay is one thing, but her new lover? No way.

residential

Thanks a lot for the quick responses everyone. Dreadful situation I know.

I'll try and agree something via email so it's at least written down, but in the worst case do I have the right to actually refuse someone to stay over?

krlyr

Not sure if you have any legal right to refuse, but equally you'd be within your rights to stay up watching TV in the lounge, or wandering through your own house in the buff...not sure her new partner would be so quick to volunteer to stay over!

Fire_Fox

I don'#t think you have a legal right to do anything more than treat it as your home, which means wandering in and out of rooms as you see fit. Can't she buy you out?

ostrichnomore_2

I don't think you can refuse her having guests over; it's her home as much as yours.

I really feel for you. I'm in similar situation, just been dumped, still living with ex but it's just about working out ok as we have plenty of space and don't really have to see each other at all, other than bumping into each other in the kitchen once a week or so. This is still extremely difficult and emotional for me to be here with him in the house, even out of sight! But after 2 months it's getting better and I think it'll be ok.

However we have agreed that while we can have friends/family visit, we won't bring partners here. This was at my request as he'd had an affair and I didn't want her in MY home. Which he found perfectly reasonable. He then countered with not wanting me to bring anyone new home which I thought was a bit unfair (there's no reason for any bad feeling from him to any new chap of mine) but I agreed as it's all hypothetical right now. I don't intend to be here long enough to be in a new relationship.

I think your ex is just trying to wind you up - as it's so soon I would suspect this new partner was on the go while you were still together, and she's rubbing your nose in it.
You can't stop her...but you don't have to be nice about it either.

In my case, because we have enough space to basically live independently in separate areas of the house (just sharing kitchen) I've decided to stay on here to enable me to save up a bit then move on. But I can't imagine how you are coping with this situation being in only a small flat together. I've found it hard enough. You poor thing. It must be a nightmare.

All I can advise is sell the flat ASAP even if you have to take a financial hit - or both move out to wherever and rent the flat out - or one of you move out ASAP and the other buy them out.

You really need to try to ignore what she is doing, and concentrate on making a plan to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

cheepskate_2

Bring your own girlfriend over and have very loud sex, Tell her your last G/F was rubbish in bed and how good it is to have someone who is not frigid

OR

When she brings the B/F over ask if you can join in and promptly undress all ready for action

It is your house as well, after all.