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Stupid magic spider.

Beetlemama
Posts: 1,153 Forumite
So, I'm sitting on the bed and this MASSIVE spider pegs it across the bedroom floor and goes and stands right on my favourite Rocketdog pink goth plimsolls (that I am far to old to have and I don't care because they've got bats and the moon on and they're very cool).
Now I'm not afraid of spiders, but I don't really want him in the bedroom because I am certain that at some time during the night, he will climb on to my pillow and in the morning I will wake up with a big old squashed spider on my face.
So I go to pick up my shoe and he climbs inside to hide. Thinking I have him now, I go to the open window and tap my shoe on the ledge expecting him to tumble out so I can close the window and know I will awake spider-free in the morning - but no spider, so I bump it a little harder, no spider, eventually I am banging it against the window sill, give up and go get a torch (shoe in hand still) so I can find where he is and reach in and persuade him out without hurting him.....and he's not there. The shoe is completely empty.
Now I know that great big wolf spider-dude went in my shoe and he didn't come out, so where the heck is he? I related the tale to DH and he suggested it wasn't the spider that was charmed, it was in fact a magic shoe - which would be great if it made things appear or multiply, I could put my money in there and wake up rich, but what's the point of a shoe that makes things vanish, or a magic spider? or failing that - where did the spider go? I just know I'm going to wake up tomorrow wearing him
Now I'm not afraid of spiders, but I don't really want him in the bedroom because I am certain that at some time during the night, he will climb on to my pillow and in the morning I will wake up with a big old squashed spider on my face.
So I go to pick up my shoe and he climbs inside to hide. Thinking I have him now, I go to the open window and tap my shoe on the ledge expecting him to tumble out so I can close the window and know I will awake spider-free in the morning - but no spider, so I bump it a little harder, no spider, eventually I am banging it against the window sill, give up and go get a torch (shoe in hand still) so I can find where he is and reach in and persuade him out without hurting him.....and he's not there. The shoe is completely empty.
Now I know that great big wolf spider-dude went in my shoe and he didn't come out, so where the heck is he? I related the tale to DH and he suggested it wasn't the spider that was charmed, it was in fact a magic shoe - which would be great if it made things appear or multiply, I could put my money in there and wake up rich, but what's the point of a shoe that makes things vanish, or a magic spider? or failing that - where did the spider go? I just know I'm going to wake up tomorrow wearing him

"There is no substitute for time."
Competition wins:
2013. Three bottles of oxygen! And a family ticket to intech science centre. 2011. The Lake District Cheese Co Cow and bunny pop up play tent, cheese voucher, beach ball and cuddly toy cow and bunny and a £20 ToysRus voucher!
Competition wins:
2013. Three bottles of oxygen! And a family ticket to intech science centre. 2011. The Lake District Cheese Co Cow and bunny pop up play tent, cheese voucher, beach ball and cuddly toy cow and bunny and a £20 ToysRus voucher!
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Comments
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Beetlemama wrote: »So, I'm sitting on the bed and this MASSIVE spider pegs it across the bedroom floor and goes and stands right on my favourite Rocketdog pink goth plimsolls (that I am far to old to have and I don't care because they've got bats and the moon on and they're very cool).
Now I'm not afraid of spiders, but I don't really want him in the bedroom because I am certain that at some time during the night, he will climb on to my pillow and in the morning I will wake up with a big old squashed spider on my face.
So I go to pick up my shoe and he climbs inside to hide. Thinking I have him now, I go to the open window and tap my shoe on the ledge expecting him to tumble out so I can close the window and know I will awake spider-free in the morning - but no spider, so I bump it a little harder, no spider, eventually I am banging it against the window sill, give up and go get a torch (shoe in hand still) so I can find where he is and reach in and persuade him out without hurting him.....and he's not there. The shoe is completely empty.
Now I know that great big wolf spider-dude went in my shoe and he didn't come out, so where the heck is he? I related the tale to DH and he suggested it wasn't the spider that was charmed, it was in fact a magic shoe - which would be great if it made things appear or multiply, I could put my money in there and wake up rich, but what's the point of a shoe that makes things vanish, or a magic spider? or failing that - where did the spider go? I just know I'm going to wake up tomorrow wearing him
Erm you either need to keep taking the drugs, or you need to stop taking them.0 -
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Obviously he went in that shoe and came out of the other one, did you never see Scooby Doo in a corridor?0
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Erm you either need to keep taking the drugs, or you need to stop taking them.
I dunno, I wouldn't mind some of those drugs.
I feel your pain OP. I have a spider in my living room. Big ugly brute it is too. Makes a tip tapping noise across the laminate with its long and gangly legs. I've killed it a dozen times - set the cat onto it too who ate it at least twice. It still comes back every single night. *sigh* I've learned to make my peace and now we cohabit happily on the understanding that if it doesn't climb on me and keeps the tapping down, I'll not kill it again."So long and thanks for all the fish" :hello:0 -
My Scottie dog was the best spider eradicator in the house, he'd be fast asleep on the rug, you'd see just one eye open and he'd pounce. He was fabulous.
Sadly we lost him to liver disease in February so we have to catch our own now0 -
Good read OP, very funny.0
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Brrrr, magical spiders.
Sit ye down forum and let me tell you a tale, a tale of a young and cheerful youth, a youth who whilst not loving spiders, did not actively hate them and wish them all dead in a big fire. No, this youth would do his best to help any spider find its way to the great outdoors, usually via a glass with a bit of paper over the top. A happy youth.
Until one fateful day, a spider on the wall. A big spider, with many be-hairied legs. Stuck perhaps, crying for help, sending desperate spider wishes for someone (perhaps carrying a glass and a bit of paper) to assist him off the wall and out the window; And Lo! Doth appear the youth, glass in hand, paper in hand, earnest expression on his face. And verily the spider, when asked kindly to shuffle inside the glass, refused, refused even as the youth helpfully slid his paper under the spider in an attempt to encourage it towards the helpful glass. And screeeeeech in horror as the mighty spider, legs a flailing, scurries over the youths hand, down his quivering pale bare arm, into the sleeve of his t-shirt, down his naked torso and out, onto the floor to run like f**k under the bed and the youth did scream and cry and shake with the misery of it all and now he dares not approach spider kind unless his wife is nearby to do it instead.0 -
Beetlemama wrote: »So, I'm sitting on the bed and this MASSIVE spider pegs it across the bedroom floor and goes and stands right on my favourite Rocketdog pink goth plimsolls (that I am far to old to have and I don't care because they've got bats and the moon on and they're very cool).
Now I'm not afraid of spiders, but I don't really want him in the bedroom because I am certain that at some time during the night, he will climb on to my pillow and in the morning I will wake up with a big old squashed spider on my face.
(Because of the spider... not because of the pink goth plimsoles)
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