Stupid magic spider.

Azari

bosseyed wrote: »

Brrrr, magical spiders.

Sit ye down forum and let me tell you a tale, a tale of a young and cheerful youth, a youth who whilst not loving spiders, did not actively hate them and wish them all dead in a big fire. No, this youth would do his best to help any spider find its way to the great outdoors, usually via a glass with a bit of paper over the top. A happy youth.

Until one fateful day, a spider on the wall. A big spider, with many be-hairied legs. Stuck perhaps, crying for help, sending desperate spider wishes for someone (perhaps carrying a glass and a bit of paper) to assist him off the wall and out the window; And Lo! Doth appear the youth, glass in hand, paper in hand, earnest expression on his face. And verily the spider, when asked kindly to shuffle inside the glass, refused, refused even as the youth helpfully slid his paper under the spider in an attempt to encourage it towards the helpful glass. And screeeeeech in horror as the mighty spider, legs a flailing, scurries over the youths hand, down his quivering pale bare arm, into the sleeve of his t-shirt, down his naked torso and out, onto the floor to run like f**k under the bed and the youth did scream and cry and shake with the misery of it all and now he dares not approach spider kind unless his wife is nearby to do it instead.

A cautionary tale, indeed.

pulliptears

Not long after we'd been married OH and I had been out for the night. We'd got home after dark, he'd gone into the dining room, I was in the kitchen.
All of a sudden this pained cry of "OH MY GOD COME HERE!" went up. I shot in thinking we'd been burgled (not that we had anything then!) and was met by OH who was white as a sheet. I quickly surveyed the room, realised everything was there and looked back at him. He meanwhile was gibbering and pointing at the dining room window, specifically the curtains which he'd just started to draw.
There on the curtan was a huge, what we call 'Pit Spider' and that is what all the commotion was in aid of.

To this day I've never let him forget it, and it's me that has to shift them now.

PILES

Azari wrote: »

Go away.

Go away.

Do people always go away when you tell them to or is it only on the internet? Maybe you think you are important or maybe you have issues at home.
Anyway whoever you are, I dont answer to you.
Nice try at white texting but the message is usually more effective if it says something interesting. Just saying like

Azari

PILES wrote: »

Do people always go away when you tell them to or is it only on the internet? Maybe you think you are important or maybe you have issues at home.
Anyway whoever you are, I dont answer to you.

Cool story, bro.

pulliptears

Ahhh Piles. A well known pain in the arse.
Read into that what you may.

Irn-Bru-Kid

This is not a story to be proud of...but whatever.

My brother is arachnophobic. He is simply terrified of the things and has had hypnosis to conquer it. He is a big burly man, but screams like a big jessie at the sight of them.

Anyway, when we were kids, we annoyed the life out of each other (as brothers do) continuously and then would plot to get each other back. I shouted 'spider'a few times at him, with good results, but it was never enough.

One night, after he wound me up about something or another, I hatched a plan for revenge.

We were watching TV, I was on the floor, he was on the sofa and he fell asleep. My mother had one of those spider plants, so I picked it up and stealthily approached the sofa. I gently dangled the plant in my brothers face, bent down to his ear and shouted 'SPIDER' as loud as I could.

He opened his eyes, felt/saw the 'spider', screamed, leapt up from the sofa and ran head first into the glass conservatory door. He was out cold for about 5 minutes and broke his nose.

I honestly thought I had killed him.

shortdog

My mum is arachnophobic, and always got our neighbour in to remove the spiders when we found one. One day, there was a spider in the bathroom, and mum knocked for the neighbour. Said neighbour wasn't in, but her hubby, who was a rather large, shaven headed, tattooed, pierced thug, had just been released from his latest stretch at Her Majestys pleasure, and offered to do the deed instead.
He marched manfully into the house, upstairs, and into the bathroom. 10 seconds later, there was a thud. Turns out that neighbours hubby, who had been in jail for GBH, robbery, and various other violent crimes, was also arachnophobic, but didn't want to lose face when faced with a damsel in distress on his doorstep. The thud was him fainting, smashing the sink on the way down.
His wife thought it was hilarious, and hubby was talk of the town for weeks.

meritaten

You would think that with a Staffordshire Bull Terrier and a cat who the local dogs were terrified of in the house we would be spider free? you would be wrong - said STB ran away from them while the cat just watched them in total fascination! we just got into the habit of naming them after one spider had the cheek to run up to the cat and tap him on the nose and run away again. we named him Duncan (the cat just looked a bit affronted and yawned and settled back to sleep). This got to be a nightly ritual and the kids and I were really upset when OH accidently trod on Duncan!

mcjordi

its the ones who squat that get my goat

little !!!!!! not paying the rent :rotfl:

I_wanna_live_for_free

We had a big spider chase us around the kitchen tonight. I swear he was the size of my fist, and hairy with it (the spider, not my fist!)
OH watched while I got a glass and a newspaper (to catch him not to make him feel at home!) and then walked him down the garden.

Did kind of expect him to be back in the kitchen when I got back in, though :rotfl: