Tracing biological father

Kimberley

pavlovs_dog wrote: »

i know you and i dont always see eye to eye about matters, but having grown up in a single parent family where my father was out of the picture but not uncontactable should i have wished to meet him, i applaud you for having the balls to put your daughter's needs first, inspite of how hard it must have been for you to make contact :T

Thank you. A good parent will do anything for their kids as long as it's legal . I'm just glad my daughter is happy and I get so angry when i read that some mothers deny their children their sense of belonging and worth. Shame on them

sarahlouise210

It has to be considered though that your natural father may have been just as abusive as you have said your mother was..or more so. He may not have been and that may be why he left ..but you just dont know. You have to also consider that your Mum could have given you a false name just to get you off her back ...this will of course mean that all your efforts are for nothing. I would only spend the considerable time it will take to find your father if you are absolutely sure she has given you the correct name.
I know it seems harsh that she is not helping you, but not all stories have a happy ending. I knew who my birth father was ..but did not have contact and now he is dead. My husbands mother is adopted and has no knowledge of her birth parents ..so I do know how worrying it can be wondering if their could be genetics that you need to know about...but my worry is that you are being protected for some reason. You will know your own mother and know if it is more likely to just be spite, or jealousy, or perhaps worry that this man will find her ???? So many ifs and buts ...hope it all works out for you.

Barcode

I haven't heard that he was abusive, but this may be the case. However, he must have been around twenty or so back then, and in his late forties, possibly early fifties now, and things change. Which is not to say it may be for the better, only that I don't think I can pass judgement on how somebody might be twenty five years on. Who knows.

I don't think it's jealousy or spite, I still think that somewhere, my mother sometimes has good intentions. She just never speaks about anything. Everything that has happened, she is silent on. My brother had cancer last year, she did not utter a single word. My sister died of cot death five years ago, and no word direct from her. My adopted sister made contact with her two years ago, not a word. You get the picture. Huge events happen, and she is silent. It is bizarre.

My brother traced his biological dad last year, and it turned out he was in prison! But at least he knew, and could move on.

Yes, I might discover something bad, but I can deal with that. I think. After all, I've dealt with my mother for years, and various other things.

I'm not expecting anything to 'work out', I just want to fill in the blanks, nothing more. If anything positive comes of it, that's a bonus.

asea

sorry don't have much of a contribution that I could make but I really hope that you find what you're looking for!

Do you think that any of your mum's friends/acquaintances & so on might be able to remember & possibly help?

Good Luck!

Barcode

I'm thinking of contacting my aunt, she is estranged from the family, and has been for ten years. But I suspect she might know SOMETHING. However, I doubt a letter will get me very far, as I wrote to her last year to inform her of a genetic condition that had been discovered that she ought to get tested for, but never received a response. This might involve a trip to B'ham for a face to face visit, I suspect, which I might do when I have more time in the summer.

dianadors

Hi . I wish you every success with this, but dont build expectations of your dad out of proportion. Afterall, he must have known about you as you have a younger sister and he has kept away. You may find more out from family members. Some have said tht your mum sounds selfish, but if she suffered emotional pain, she may be trying to prevent you suffering the same. For me, I always feel that I cant deal with what I dont know - so I see where you are coming from. Any way, Good Luck with your search, but dont let it occupy all your time.

folkestonelisa

Hi

Just wanted to add a little bit here, as after 37 years of not knowing, i only had a name and an address (from 1970) to go on, i have finally found my dad. I happened to look up his old address on friends reunited and there was a lady with the same name as my dad so i emailed her. Then on friday i had an email from this fella telling me that he thought i was looking for him, but had changed his name from who i was looking for.
Anyone have exchanged info with him and it seems that he is the person that im looking for.
After being told for years that he knew about me he claims that he never knew about me at all. Not sure who to believe but at least i will be able to find out who half of me is.

Its early days yet, only had 3 emails and not sure whether i want to meet him but time will tell.

So all i can say is keep trying as you never know whats around the corner.

Tam_Lin

Be prepared for the possibility of disappointment. I traced my biological father after lots of sleuthing (I had to trace my birth mother first, as I wanted to know my medical background), and he didn't want to know - he passed a message via two second cousins (after an apparently spectacular Christmas family row) that 'there was too much water under the bridge.' It seems that he's confused me with another daughter by another woman and whom he hasn't seen for 40+ years (he disappeared before my birth), but I decided not to pursue it; one of the second cousins (the one I'm not in contact with via the Internet) is gunning for me for disturbing him after all these years. That's Irish families for you; they harbour grudges and pass them down as heirlooms! I haven't questioned my birth mother any further about it; for all I know, I could be the product of a one night stand. I've tracked down the death certificates of his parents and in conjunction with my mother's side, at least I've been able to fill in the medical background.

Errata

My local paper carries a section with letters written by people trying to trace friends and relatives they've lost touch with, so a local newspaper would be worth a shot and only cost the price of a stamp.

hardpressed

Are there any neighbours who knew your family at the time, they might 'spill the beans'. Are you in contact with your siblings who were adopted, do they remember anything? An 'uncle' perhaps who used to visit.

Good luck with your search.