son fell in swimming pool and is now petrified!

pulliptears

RAS wrote: »

This is what the child's father suggests

Missed that, apologies. Yes I agree it shouldn't be pushed under the carpet so to speak, but it should be moved on from now I think.

bagpussbear

I'm really sorry to hear that happened to your son, I really feel for him. I almost drowned when I was 5, was unconcious in fact, and to this very day can remember the 'going down' feeling and the sheer terror. Its the reason I don't swim to this day, not a fear of water as such but a fear of what it feels like to be under.

I'm so angry with your MIL!! Don't let her have anything to do with swimming or pool situations in my opinion.

My advice, and I guess I speak from my 5 year old self a bit here, but I would say just take it REAL SLOW with your son. Let him gain confidence again in the water at HIS pace, give assurance and don't force him to do anything more than he feels comfortable at any given time. Fingers crossed he'll get over it and won't have a life long phobia, like me unfortunately.

DVardysShadow

pulliptears wrote: »

From another POV, could it be possible MIL was downplaying the event so as not to make a big deal of it in front of the boy. If the child thinks something is an issue it tends to become one.

I was older when similar happened to me - 6 and 1/2 I think.

Father took me swimming in a pool while we were on holiday and left me at the shallow end. I slipped on a glass floor, designed to give a spectator view into the pool from below. I could not get myself out and was in real difficulties. Fortunately a girl slightly older than me saw what was going on and got her father to pull me out.

When father came over, the man slightly downplayed what had happened, I think, probably out of entirely understandable modesty. However as a result of that, my father would not take my account of what had happened at all seriously, wouldn't listen and dismissed it.

I would not go swimming for the rest of that holiday, which annoyed father no end. And through all my years at primary school he was progressively increasingly angry at my strong reluctance to go swimming. Including one occasion of crass stupidity about 4 years later, after an article in a newspaper suggested encouraging children to put their heads under water as a way of becoming familiar with being underwater. When I expressed my reluctance and was again poohpoohed for mentioning the holiday incident, father said he was going to make me do it any way. Mother must have stopped him, but it was a complete failure on his part to impart to me any of the great pleasure he got from swimming.

The words "down, down down and came up and went cough cough and my head was all fussy" resonate with me even now and I am still angry that my father was such a fool as to not listen to what I was trying to tell him and that he put the presentation of events by a well meaning stranger ahead of my own attempts to explain. I have never felt comfortable with water nor able to be in water safely

While there may be dangers in overplaying the event, I feel that MiL is not so much underplaying it for the sake of the child as underplaying for the sake of her own backside. No one should take any lead on the evaluation of this event other than from the mouth of the child himself

Bennifred

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

...........................................................However, as the fencing off is inadequate, she wasn't supervising a preschooler in the garden (I very much doubt she hasn't got a single plant that could be poisonous, not one tool to hurt himself on or something to fall off and break a bone), and it was left to his older sister to save his life - he wouldn't be going there ever again if he were mine.

She's obviously incapable of understanding what is required in terms of supervising a tiny child, it's been a long time since she had one. And she's trying to say it's his own fault?.....................

I completely agree with this - no way would I be leaving her in charge of my young child! Thankfully it is rare, but I have often noticed that when young children are found drowned in ponds etc, it has been that they have wandered off whilst in the care of grandparents rather then parents. How can they live with themselves?!:mad:

Pthree

Not making excuses for your MIL as she obviously lied about what happened, but just out of interest how old is your step-daughter who pulled him out?

P3

VitaK

Pthree wrote: »

Not making excuses for your MIL as she obviously lied about what happened, but just out of interest how old is your step-daughter who pulled him out?

P3

I was wondering about this too. There is a posibility she have been impacted by this whole thing also.

WestonDave

I'd say you are in a sense very lucky that you have the holiday coming up, and I'd be tempted to skip the swimming lesson until you come back.

Our now 5 year old started to learn to swim when he was just coming up to 4, stopped because the pool got closed (he'd only really just got used to being in the water with a stranger/teacher) and then really lost his confidence when we finally found new lessons to the point he was refusing to get in, and when in was clinging to the side limpet style.

We made the decision to let the lessons run their course (which in the end improved as he got used to it again) but also to book a holiday with an attached pool, which we used at least once a day, just mucking about with one or both parents in the water. It wasn't long before he was wanting to go swimming, and with a bit of encouragement (and building on what he'd been doing in lessons) by the end of the week was able to swim a width of the pool unaided (ok so it was only a 5 metre wide pool).

I think in the circumstances I'd be building the confidence and fun side of being in the water a bit more, before upping the ante by him having to be in the pool with someone less familiar like a teacher. Certainly not something to pressure him over instantly, nor deny it ever happened - but as above if he brings it up, you can turn it to saying that's why its so important to learn to swim, so he can be happy and have fun in water without problems.

Pthree

VitaK wrote: »

I was wondering about this too. There is a posibility she have been impacted by this whole thing also.

Actually my thinking was more along the lines of if she is 25 (or some random age that you would deem to be responsible) then you cant really blame the MIL! but I do take your point on board.

coolcait

I think you're taking exactly the right approach by re-introducing your son to the water at his pace.

My DS went underwater at a similar age. After that, we spent quite a few visits to the pool just playing on the steps, moving into the pool gradually.

He grew more confident with water, and would play happily in the pool with friends and family. Until the day, a few years later, he tried to catch a ball, and found himself momentarily out of his depth. I fished him out straight away, but we were back to square one on the steps.

He still doesn't love swimming, but is comfortable enough in the water to go to 'fun days' at the pool. And he can swim well enough to keep himself safe under normal circumstances.

Hermia

cr1mson wrote: »

Even without an experience like that my son was scared of the water. I found the best thing for him was 1 to 1 lessons (expensive though). Although felt sorry for his teacher as he used to cling on so tight to her he left marks.

C

I was terrified of water as a child and my parents paid for me to have a few 1 to 1 lessons. I think my teacher probably still has scars from where I gripped on to her even now! My mum said it took me several lessons before I would even stand in shallow water on my own. Then one day something just clicked in my head and I was able to join the beginner's class. I ended up competing when I was 8/9 and won a few medals.

OP - I remember my 1 to 1 teacher used to just hold on to me and walk around the swimming pool with me. She would walk a little way into the deeper end so I got used to it. Could you do something similar. It's good you are persisting with the swimming as it's a skill that is essential. It's a shame that he's not a bit older as you could have explained to him that being a strong swimmer means you don't need to be petrified of water.