son fell in swimming pool and is now petrified!

daska

It's good to hear that he says he enjoyed it and wants to go back even though he obviously found it distressing during the lesson. It suggests to me that he realises that the accident was just that and that he now knows that water can be dangerous but still fun if approached correctly and WANTS to get back to that. I would suggest a swimfin, because if he was confident in the water before most other aids might appear a bit babyish but the swimfin would be a more like dressing up - while also giving him support if he starts to panic.

Don't do the dream thing, my mother used to do it to me and it caused enormous problems with my self-confidence, the day I found out, using hospital records, that I wasn't imaging things was a huge turning point in our relationship as it meant I knew I couldn't trust her, it never improved after that

bestpud

pulliptears wrote: »

From another POV, could it be possible MIL was downplaying the event so as not to make a big deal of it in front of the boy. If the child thinks something is an issue it tends to become one.

Not excusing the fact that she wasn't watching him obviously, but I do find in situations like this its a lot better to pick them up, dust them down and carry on.

I know what you mean, but I have parents who play down things and have encouraged my children to keep quiet so I think they are right to come down hard on the mil and make her realise the truth will always out.

That said, I can't help thinking a mountain is being made out of a molehill when it comes to moving on from this!

Your son has picked up on your anxiety, OP, and will milk out for all its worth if you aren't careful!

From one unfortunate incident he's had a new towel and lots of attention from family and his swimming teacher. Now he has asked if he can be rewarded further for being brave!

Tone it down a bit as you are creating a worse situation now.

It happened and it frightened you all, but he's ok, mil has been told off and now you need to move on pronto.

Just keep taking him swimming but forget rewarding him - keep it low key and he'll be back to normal in no time.

Probably not a popular opinion but that's how I see it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You're doing all the right things.

Going down down down could be less than a foot under the surface - that doesn't mean it isn't scary, just that it feels a long way if you aren't in control of it at the time.


However, as the fencing off is inadequate, she wasn't supervising a preschooler in the garden (I very much doubt she hasn't got a single plant that could be poisonous, not one tool to hurt himself on or something to fall off and break a bone), and it was left to his older sister to save his life - he wouldn't be going there ever again if he were mine.

She's obviously incapable of understanding what is required in terms of supervising a tiny child, it's been a long time since she had one. And she's trying to say it's his own fault?


If this were a little garden pond, I'd possibly feel a little bit more lenient, if it were accompanied by grovelling apologies for not keeping an eye on him better - but it's a swimming pool. It's obvious how dangerous it can be. To basically say that putting clothes on instantly turns a tiny child into someone with an adult sense of self preservation - well, :wall:



(and the FIL/MIL had a pool when their eldest grandchildren were that age. It just wasn't an issue - the children were properly supervised in the garden and therefore NEVER even got near the pool.)

shortdog

I agree with others, you are doing the right thing by encouraging him to carry on swimming. However, if you tell him that he's brave, then that shows that there is something to be brave about - i.e. that there is something to be scared of. While a healthy respect for the water is a good thing - both of mine have far too much confidence near water for my liking, especially since the youngest swims like a stone - by telling him he is being brave, you are showing him that water is scary.
Tell him that he's doing well, by all means, but don't encourage the bravery aspect of it - theres no need for bravery, as water isn't scary, as long as you know how to get out of trouble, which is what he is learning, so theres no need for him to be scared!

quintwins

I agree your doing all the right things.

Not the same but i took my twins to the park when they were around 2, and it had been abit wet, but one slipped and grabbed the other, it took us 6 months to get them to come round to the idea of the park again, we took them and they would just refuse to do anything, eventually they came round, but we really had to stick at it. Kids remeber things like that, my 3 year old is still cross with his uncle for losing his ball a year ago, so i do think it's good to try turn this into something positive in whatever way you can.

Granny should have known better, this situation could be alot worse, my inlaws have a massive pond, they would never ever let him kids outside unattended.

RAS

cord123 wrote: »

He hadnt really mentioned it but then said to my mum that he went 'down, down down and came up and went cough cough and my head was all fussy'. This is so heartnreaking to hear cause he used to be so confident in the water and didnt care about getting splashed in the face etc.

Do not even think about pretending it did not happen.

It is really important that he can trust you and himself to acknowledge that what happened happened.

If he is talking about going down down down, then remind him that then

"he came up and went cough cough and his head was all fussy".

You are having swimming lessons so that he can come up and not need to cough and his head will be not fussy..

And that if he wants to in the future he can choose to go down and to come up again as he wants to (use the sight of other children diving to introduce the idea that going down and coming up are things over which he has control).

I really struggle with swimming under water so I am not minimising the fear or the risks.

MIl should not be looking after him again in the next few years if there is any risk he can get to that pool, or out the garden gate or...

pulliptears

RAS wrote: »

Do not even think about pretending it did not happen.

I don't see where anyone has suggested OP should, what was suggested is that perhaps more of it is being made than should be and that its probably best to just get on with it now and not mention it unless completely necessary.

Kids pick up on anxiety, if you make a fuss over something then the child automatically thinks there is something to be scared of.

Wickedkitten

pulliptears wrote: »

From another POV, could it be possible MIL was downplaying the event so as not to make a big deal of it in front of the boy. If the child thinks something is an issue it tends to become one.

Not excusing the fact that she wasn't watching him obviously, but I do find in situations like this its a lot better to pick them up, dust them down and carry on.

Downplaying? She is straight up lying in order to cover up the fact that she didn’t have her eye on him at the time.

pulliptears

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Downplaying? She is straight up lying in order to cover up the fact that she didn’t have her eye on him at the time.

You misinterpret my meaning. I mean that MIL downplayed the event in front of the child so as not to create fear in the boy.

RAS

pulliptears wrote: »

I don't see where anyone has suggested OP should, what was suggested is that perhaps more of it is being made than should be and that its probably best to just get on with it now and not mention it unless completely necessary..

This is what the child's father suggests

cord123 wrote: »

my husband has suggested that we say that didnt happen and that he dreamt it...