Single mum bein hounded

tomtom256

likelyfran wrote: »

..While anyone judgementally sinking the boot in and saying that mothers should not care for their own children - properly, like they did in the 'old days'! - will definitely have frenzied pressings of the thanks button!!
Amazing!

But in the old days the husband/partner etc, would be at work to support the family, so that the mother could do this.

The world has changed and people have to move with the times.

You can't have it always, it would be nice, but not feasible in the current financial times.

valk_scot

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

At age five the child will be in school for several hours of the day. Mum has between 9.00(ish) and 3.00(ish) five days a week to occupy herself without being responsible for the care of that child. If she's on benefits she can hardly spend that time doing the shops, so I'd think daytime TV becomes a big part of her daily routine.

I'm a SAHM. My OH works full time to support us and we don't claim any direct benefits and we don't get tax credits either. I do of course get Child Benefit and the normal access to health care etc so I can't claim to be completely independant of the state. I did work full time up to the point we had children, we both decided that we could manage on one income while the children were young. It's suited us though to stay that way because of my OHs long hours even though our younger child is nearly 11. It's true to say that if I did work even full time such a large proportion of my income would be taken up in childcare and work related expenses that the disposable amount would be very small. It's just not worth the associated stress for us, there will always be sick kids and school holidays plus of course it places a lot of stress on evenings and weekends to fit chores etc into. It's worth the drop in income for us for me not to work though I realise we're very lucky to have the choice.

However I'd like to dispute the point that SAHMs don't work and all they have to do is lie around and watch telly all day! I have a house to run, two kids and my OH to act as support worker/taxi driver/PA to, I look after a large allotment in order to contribute to the family budget and though I spend a fair bit of time shopping, it's in the charity shops and looking for bargains to feed the family. I was main carer for my elderly mother when she was still alive (that must have saved the state a few pounds). I act as emergency childcare for my working neighbours and I'm involved in voluntary community work, tutoring crafts and gardening for disabled folk. I don't think I've watched daytime TV since I stopped feeding my youngest child actually.

So there's a wee bit more to do out there as a SAHM than sit and watch telly. It's up to the individual of course. But there's more than one way to contribute to society, I just do it in time rather than taxes atm.

Bogof_Babe

valk_scot wrote: »

I'm a SAHM. My OH works full time to support us and we don't claim any direct benefits and we don't get tax credits either. I do of course get Child Benefit and the normal access to health care etc so I can't claim to be completely independant of the state. I did work full time up to the point we had children, we both decided that we could manage on one income while the children were young. It's suited us though to stay that way because of my OHs long hours even though our younger child is nearly 11. It's true to say that if I did work even full time such a large proportion of my income would be taken up in childcare and work related expenses that the disposable amount would be very small. It's just not worth the associated stress for us, there will always be sick kids and school holidays plus of course it places a lot of stress on evenings and weekends to fit chores etc into. It's worth the drop in income for us for me not to work though I realise we're very lucky to have the choice.

However I'd like to dispute the point that SAHMs don't work and all they have to do is lie around and watch telly all day! I have a house to run, two kids and my OH to act as support worker/taxi driver/PA to, I look after a large allotment in order to contribute to the family budget and though I spend a fair bit of time shopping, it's in the charity shops and looking for bargains to feed the family. I was main carer for my elderly mother when she was still alive (that must have saved the state a few pounds). I act as emergency childcare for my working neighbours and I'm involved in voluntary community work, tutoring crafts and gardening for disabled folk. I don't think I've watched daytime TV since I stopped feeding my youngest child actually.

So there's a wee bit more to do out there as a SAHM than sit and watch telly. It's up to the individual of course. But there's more than one way to contribute to society, I just do it in time rather than taxes atm.

All very admirable and "normal", but I wonder how much of your situation compares in any way with that of the OP.

You are living as a "proper" family, with a man who is around to support his family and co-parent (presumably because you chose your partner carefully before starting to produce children). I doubt the OP has a garden to tend, let alone an allotment, and she hasn't mentioned any parents needing care, although I apologise if that is in fact the case.

Just the fact that you seek out charity shop bargains rather than automatically assuming that whatever you want you can have demonstrates that your attitude is absolutely ideal for your chosen lifestyle. I applaud you and wish you well, but I don't think that much of your situation could be held up as a model for the OP to copy.

alwaysonthego_2

thread referred to forum team