How to stop son breaking things

snugglepet20

My son has just turned six. He is a very sweet boy but he keeps breaking things - by being careless and silly and he is very disobedient. This is starting to drive me mad especially as we have very little money at the moment. His birthday was last week and he has broken most of what he got. He has also damaged furniture and draws on the walls, empties out food from the cupboards etc. I spend half my life cleaning up his mess.

I don't know how to make him behave. He doesn't seem to care about punishments - he does his time and then goes straight back to being naughty. I have talked to him about why it is important to take care of things and about the cost of buying things. His Dad smacks him if he has been really bad but he doesn't care about that either. Has anyone else been through this and found a a solution?

BTW He has issues with behaving and concentrating at school but he does not have any actual behavioural or social problems according to the paediatrician, he is just bright and very active. He is basically a charming rogue!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Get a lock for the cupboards and the fridge.

Don't buy cakes, crisps, sweets, fizzy drinks or anything that is instantly attractive to a small child. If he is to get sweets, take him to the shop to buy one choice and then none in the house.

Buy plastic cups and glasses.

Don't buy cheap tat for his birthday.

Don't give him crayons, pens, pencils or chalks in his room.


That cuts down the scope for damage straight away.

Fire_Fox

Is there any chance it is related to what he eats or drinks, have you tried a diet recommended for behavioural problems? If not are you totally consistent with the consequences, even if that means time out over and over and over again a la Supernanny? Is he getting one to one time (attention) for good behaviour or is he getting more attention for naughtiness?

snugglepet20

Thanks for replying Jojo

The type of things he empties out are flour, cereal, popcorn kernels etc not things he wants to eat. I don't really have snack food in the house.

He doesn't get cheap tat - The things he has broken are a bmx bike and named brand toys, if it was cheap stuff I wouldn't be so bothered.

All the pens are kept away from him but he somehow gets hold of things or gets crayons off his friends and hides them.

I will consider locking the fridge etc but I don't want my house to look like a prison, plus I was thinking more along the lines of an attitude change to stop him being destructive but thanks for your advice.

Redouble

He is 6, they are as a rule clumsy and 'disobendient' (personally I dislike that word for children, I do not bring my children up to be obedient, my job is to show them the correct way and to have a moral compass. 6 year olds lack that compass )

He will get there in time, be consistent, firm but also kind

Best wishes xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

snugglepet20 wrote: »

Thanks for replying Jojo

The type of things he empties out are flour, cereal, popcorn kernels etc not things he wants to eat. I don't really have snack food in the house.

He doesn't get cheap tat - The things he has broken are a bmx bike and named brand toys, if it was cheap stuff I wouldn't be so bothered.

All the pens are kept away from him but he somehow gets hold of things or gets crayons off his friends and hides them.

I will consider locking the fridge etc but I don't want my house to look like a prison, plus I was thinking more along the lines of an attitude change to stop him being destructive but thanks for your advice.

Attitude changes take a long time. In the meantime, you need to take the tools he uses to create mayhem away from him.

And locking up the cupboard may look like a prison to you. but at least it doesn't look as though it's been ramraided by a horde of Huns that way.

mildred1978

You've got to get the control back. I was talking about this with a very liberal friend last night. Her 6 and 4 year olds have become very disobedient. They knew that they were to tidy their room yesterday, but instead were playing around and doing anything but.

So after an hour and a half of nothing happening, mum told dad to get a big bin bag, and everything that was in the floor or somewhere it was not supposed to be went in it. And then dad took it outside (to the garage but they didn't know that). They cried and begged and got angry, but once they'd calmed down mum and dad calmly told them that they had to do as they were told and not mess around. Else next time the toys would be taken to the charity shop.

They got it. The bag came back and they put everything away. And before they went to bed they tidied up.

Your son needs to learn there are consequences that he doesn't like when he plays up OP. hopefully you only need the shock tactics once.

Slinky_Malinky

I would second the advice to look at what he eats. Sugar and some food additives can cause a reaction in some children which makes them `hyper`

Does he get plenty of outdoor playtime? Lots of fresh air and exercise should help to wear him out, hopefully making him less likely to find trouble. On the other hand, is he getting enough sleep? Tiredness can provoke cranky/naughty behaviour.

This may sound a bit cruel of me - but until he learns to take care of things I would not be giving him expensive gifts like a BMX bike knowing he is going to break it. Rather than reward him with material things he can break, treat him to a trip to the park or the swimming pool. Focus on the positive and praise him when he is good, kind or helpful.

Have you thought about trying reward charts, maybe reward him with a trip as above or a comic at the end of the week. If you want him to suffer consequences of unwanted behaviour, find something that he does care about such as taking away his games console, banning TV time or any organised activites he attends etc.

It seems very tedious and takes a long, long time, just make the boundaries clear and stick to the rules and consequences every time. Supernanny makes it look like you can turn a child into an angel in a couple of days but in reality it takes much longer and is really a work in progress right throughout childhood.

Redouble

mildred1978 wrote: »

You've got to get the control back. I was talking about this with a very liberal friend last night. Her 6 and 4 year olds have become very disobedient. They knew that they were to tidy their room yesterday, but instead were playing around and doing anything but.

See I don't find a 6 year old and a 4 year old losing focus while tidying their room a massive issue. They are still so young. Personally in that situation I would advise friend to tidy with them and make it a game, show them that working together makes a job easier and more fun

Sambucus_Nigra

What happens when he breaks things, is he upset or doesn't he care? Does he do one then move to the next or is it intermittent?

When he empties stuff out, does he play with it or just leave it? Do you make him clean it up and walk to the shop with you to buy some more to replace it? Or do you not replace it or do it 'behind the scenes'?

Does he have any toys that he hasn't broken or does he now have no toys at all?

lika_86

Is it only his own things he breaks? Or does he break other people's things too?

If you find he's emptied out the cupboards, what is your response? Is it just anger? Or have you tried telling him that it makes you sad because now you have to spend time cleaning rather than playing a game with him or whatever? Does he express remorse if you tell him he's made you sad because he broke your things/made you have to clean up?