Daughter is missing her dad

magicme

Sorry abit emotional so too so long to write that msg, that I never noticed I had all the others...will look through now.

Thanks

fannyanna

Do you have any idea what might be driving his change in attitude?

Amanda65

Definitely contact your ex and ask him to see your DD - it's not fair for her to be caught in the crossfire between you although make it clear to him that he is at fault for not takig his responsibility to her seriously. Then continue CSA claim and hopefully if he isn't letting you down financially hopefully your relationship will run more smoothly in future.

I also think you should tell your DD that you and her Daddy are cross with each other and that he hasn't been in contact because of that and nothing to do with anything she has done.

Just read that there has been a change in his contact etc - have you any idea why he changed?

balletshoes

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I disagree with those who are telling you to apologise. Sorry... he made your daughter too and is therefore responsible for feeding her, keeping a roof over her head and making sure she has all her basic needs met. He hasn't been doing that but wants to be seen as the "treat" weekend dad who takes her out to do fun stuff whilst mum struggles to put clothes on her back. £30 per week is not alot of money at ALL.... HE needs to apologise to YOU for taking the mick and if you DO contact him, it would not be to apologise, but to make it clear that he should WANT to see his daughter. And despite whether you said something he didnt like, he should be able to put that aside if he loves her and pay for her to eat etc!! He has a choice here (bit of a coarse example but..) - if he wanted to drive a car that he bought, he would have to pay to maintain it.... whether he liked it or not he would have to put petrol in, keep it parked somewhere etc. If he didnt, then he wouldnt be able to use it. My point is that it is HIS choice here. Not yours.

Ridiculous!! DO no apologise!!!!! He should WANT to support his daughter. Supporting a child financially does NOT include swimming and circus treats. It includes toilet paper, warm bedroom and a tin of baked beans!!

(oh and before i get jumped on by the haters, lol, my son is 8years, has never seen his dad (violent, nasty, etc) and i have never claimed a PENNY from him. So i am not some money grabbing, man hating ex lol!)

but with respect, your situation and the OPs don't sound the same. Her ex has been seeing his daughter, and has been (although not always) paying some form of maintenance too.
The little girl misses her dad and wants a relationship with him. The OP said something in anger she probably shouldn't have said, so she should apologise for that. Both of the parents having a stand-off isn't helping the child in this case.

Amanda65

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Ridiculous!! DO no apologise!!!!! He should WANT to support his daughter

Agree 100% - he SHOULD want to support his daughter but for some reason at the moment seems to feel that he can choose to support her in whatever way he wants rather than what she needs. However, in the equation is a 6 year old little girl who is crying because she misses her daddy and as a parent if there was some way of smoothing the waters for her, I would.

magicme

I went to a solicitor the last time when he refused to see my DD so I knew where I stood, not for the current problem. I only told him he wasnt getting to see her on 'this occasion' not not ever.

I was under the impression that although I was wrong at the same time he is being completley unreasonable saying he wont take her again?

My ex has a new girlfriend who seems nice and my daughter likes her problem is (which I was told from my ex) she doesnt like me, she doesnt see why he should have to pay £30 when she only gets under £2 for her 2 children as her ex doesnt work.

balletshoes

magicme wrote: »

I went to a solicitor the last time when he refused to see my DD so I knew where I stood, not for the current problem. I only told him he wasnt getting to see her on 'this occasion' not not ever.

I was under the impression that although I was wrong at the same time he is being completley unreasonable saying he wont take her again?

My ex has a new girlfriend who seems nice and my daughter likes her problem is (which I was told from my ex) she doesnt like me, she doesnt see why he should have to pay £30 when she only gets under £2 for her 2 children as her ex doesnt work.

i would get the maintenance formalised - have you had a look on the CSA website to see how much your ex would be expected to pay in formal maintenance?

magicme

I will try to clear the air, put my feelings aside so my daughter can see her dad again tho.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Everybody seems to be jumping on the OP for snapping at him - but he's the one who has failed to pay maintenance and decided to stay away - and is the one punishing the little girl for it. The OP hasn't said that she is actually preventing contact, after all. Anyone can say when under stress, 'don't flaming bother then'.

Only a spiteful, vindictive ratbag would ever effectively say 'alright then, I won't' and not turn up to see their child regardless.


I argued at great length with my youngest's Dad because he wanted to stop my eldest's father from seeing her until he paid maintenance, but she wasn't pay per view, like a p0rn0 movie. But, in the case the OP describes here, she has nothing to grovel about. She snapped, as you can do when you feel you are being messed around - but it is the other person who has decided to punish the child. And has said words to the effect that he's doing the OP a favour by taking her???? What, like a 15 year old babysitter that doesn't actually like children????? :mad:



You can't force an absent parent to show their face. You can't force them to stop being unreliable about contact.



But no, this is not the time to grovel for forgiveness. A text to say you do not wish to prevent from seeing your daughter - no apology necessary.


I found unreliable parenting was eased by providing a punnet of strawberries to eat in a relaxing bath - seemed to cheer DD2 up no end (because despite his eagerness to deny my ex#1 contact and his anger when I refused to do so, when ex#2 left, he was quite clear he was doing me a favour by taking his own child off my hands occasionally).

And Amanda's suggesting that you and Daddy argued about stuff, but it isn't anything she has done, will be sufficient.

Fire_Fox

January20 wrote: »

Telling your daughter that you said something mean to her dad and he won't see her because of it, makes you the bad guy, and as much as I think it is wrong to use your daughter as a weapon, I understand your anger at his attitude and I wonder what kind of father would choose to not see his daughter rather than pay maintenance to support her. It's all well and good taking her for treats, but it doesn't feed or clothes her does it?

So, I agree with writing to him, apologising and saying it will never happen again, as well as putting the CSA in charge of the maintenance collection. That way, he can't wiggle out of it when it pleases him.

As for your daughter, I think she is a little too young to be told the truth. If you say you had an argument with her father and he won't see her for that reason, what kind of message does that send to her? That her father is childish? That it's ok to sulk after an argument and behave like a baby? That he doesn't love her enough to put it behind him? You know your daughter. What could she handle?

You added the part in bold to what I suggested and completely changed the sense. It's only been about ten days since the argument, the father could be still cooling off.