How do you discipline your children

FBaby

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I'm quite strict with mine. After school they are not allowed out to play until they've changed with their uniform either in the wash basket or on top of their drawers (their tie that they'd wear again etc), their school coat is hung up and their school shoes and bag are in the hall stand.

If they are playing with one toy then they are not allowed another one out until the last one is put away. If I have to tidy it away then it goes away in my room for a week and they lose a marble from their jar.

The girls (9 and 6) each have a jar with 20 marbles in at the start of the week. They lose a marble for not tidying their stuff, having to be told more than twice, being cheeky, not doing their jobs etc. They can win back marbles for extra good behaviour - normally associated with their little brother at the moment tbh. At the end of the week if they have more than 12 marbles they get a reward from the reward list - that's an extra trip to the park (especially on a Friday in school uniform that they love for some reason), choosing what we have for dinner, an extra 15 minutes before bedtime on a Saturday, pancakes for breakfast. Not things that cost anything.

Every night they get to watch a cartoon before bed, but before that happens they have to pack their school bag for the next day and have their bag, coat and shoes and any gym bag/extras like gloves all on the hall stand. They also have to have their uniform for the next day, right down to pants and socks, laid out on their drawers ready for the next morning. In the morning there is no tv/toys until after breakfast and they are dressed. If they are ready they get 10 minutes before we leave.

I have an egg timer that we use for 5 minute warnings. So 10 minutes before bed/leaving/breakfast I set it for 5 minutes so that they know when they've got only 5 minutes left to be ready.

I wish I had the energy to be so systematic, but the reality is that working full-time in a very stressful job 45 minutes drive away, and the main carer to my children (I live with my partner, but he doesn't get involved in organising and disciplining), I just don't have it left it me to be so consistent. It's ok though as overall, I know my children are very well behaved. It's just that they get away with a bit more than I would ideally like!

DO your children ever challenge your rules? I can imagine my boy telling me that he doesn't mind not getting one of the treats you offer for their 12 marbles! Also, what do you do if one earns a treat and the other not when it comes to going to the park? Or do you offer this treat only if both have earnt it? Do you tell them at the start of the week what the reward is or only once they've earnt it?

GobbledyGook

FBaby wrote: »

I wish I had the energy to be so systematic, but the reality is that working full-time in a very stressful job 45 minutes drive away, and the main carer to my children (I live with my partner, but he doesn't get involved in organising and disciplining), I just don't have it left it me to be so consistent. It's ok though as overall, I know my children are very well behaved. It's just that they get away with a bit more than I would ideally like!

DO your children ever challenge your rules? I can imagine my boy telling me that he doesn't mind not getting one of the treats you offer for their 12 marbles! Also, what do you do if one earns a treat and the other not when it comes to going to the park? Or do you offer this treat only if both have earnt it? Do you tell them at the start of the week what the reward is or only once they've earnt it?

I brought in some of the things I mentioned when my ex-husband started working longer hours. At the time I was working school hours so was out of the house as much as the children. I find being so strict over the uniform and organising of bags (which takes less than 10 minutes when we come in and less than 10 minutes before bed) makes life much easier than 30 minutes of running around trying to get organised.

They do challenge it as much as any other children do their parents. The marbles is just our alternative to the reward chart.

There is a long list of rewards not just the ones I mentioned and if they are saving for something in particular then I'll put £2 or whatever on the list for a few weeks. There are also some that are relevant to one and not the other as they choose one each - they choose their reward, not me. If one chose going to the park and the other hadn't earned a reward then we'd go when their Dad could take the other.

I think I've given people the wrong idea about my house tbh. It's not a mega, mega strict environment. The changing after school takes less than 10 minutes - no different to any child changing out of their uniform they are just not allowed to throw it in the middle of the floor. Same with before bed, it's just organising their bag and clothes for the morning - less than 10 minutes work. I'm strict about that because being strict for 20 minutes is much easier than having shouting matches in the morning.

The toys is just that I don't allow them to pull loads of stuff out of the playroom as it becomes a bigger battle to get lots tidied away. So once they've finished with the lego it goes away before they haul something else out. They get away with quite a bit and it's a pretty relaxed house in general.

Bluemeanie_2

I don't see it as strict at all. I see it as organised. I'd rather bring my kids up as "strict" anyway, instead of all the unruly, ill mannered brats I see about, running amok and their wet lettuce parent says "stop that" before ignoring them and letting it carry on. (before anyone starts I know SOME kids have difficulties, but there's no way ALL the ones I see playing up, do)

themull1

GobbledyGook wrote: »

It's the big things that I don't let them have too much out. So if they want their gazillion pieces of lego out they have to put away their millions pieces of dolls house furniture first. Otherwise you get to the end of the day and there are so many things out that tidying up becomes a battle ground with them because it'll take ages.

It sounds harsher than it is. There are 3 of them so there are at least 3 things on the go at a time. If they each had 4 or 5 things out they'd be a nightmare to get tidied away at night as tidying is much more boring (9yo's new favourite word) than playing.

Ahhh, i thought you literally meant one toy!! my youngest daughter has a massive pull out wheely thing under her bed, and i spent ages putting the sylvanian families in one bag, playmobile in another, farm animals in another, a few days later, no bags, mound of mish mash under the bed.... i'm leaving it till she's older, tipping it into a plastic sack and giving it to charity.!!

jetplane

Bluemeanie wrote: »

Sounds extremely organised and calm! That's how I plan to be if i have kids. Especially as I will work full time too you need the organisation.

I love this quote, when I was pregnant my child was never going to throw a tantrum in the supermarket, I was never going to still be in my dressing gown at lunch time, I was never going to throw a ready meal in the microwave, my child was going to live by routine. Then I gave birth, and reality hit :rotfl: and I am a really organised person.

My advice for discipline is to be consistent, whatever methods you use your children should know the boundaries of what is acceptable, they need them and so do you. I agree with FBaby when you're tired it's harder to keep to a routine and my daughter would also say something like I will forfeit a marble or a treat but it would be a one off and generally she knew the limits and stuck within them. She once even confessed to something and then grounded herself how sad is that?

Bluemeanie_2

jetplane wrote: »

I love this quote, when I was pregnant my child was never going to throw a tantrum in the supermarket, I was never going to still be in my dressing gown at lunch time, I was never going to throw a ready meal in the microwave, my child was going to live by routine. Then I gave birth, and reality hit :rotfl: and I am a really organised person.

My advice for discipline is to be consistent, whatever methods you use your children should know the boundaries of what is acceptable, they need them and so do you. I agree with FBaby when you're tired it's harder to keep to a routine and my daughter would also say something like I will forfeit a marble or a treat but it would be a one off and generally she knew the limits and stuck within them. She once even confessed to something and then grounded herself how sad is that?

Lol, I'm getting in good practice now with my Stepkids. Although they were older when I met them (5 and 6) so weren't tiny kids. I don't expect everything to run perfectly 100% of the time, but I try my hardest. I sleep a lot esier at night when I know everything is in place, rather than it being a rush for school.

FBaby

I don't think it is strict at all, just very organised and that's the best way to be for every one. Although I assume before your kids started doing all these things systematically, hence lasting only 10 minutes, there were a lot of having to repeat, police etc... I seem to get to that stage when it only takes 10 minutes and I can relax a bit, and before I know it, they are back to their old bad habits!!!

Saying that, I can't be complaining, here I am sitting here and my 9 and 12 yo are cooking dinner, home made kebabs with mushrooms, peppers and bacon and pasta, and that's with them offering and no rewards at the end so I must be doing something right too!

marisco_2

I had the same problems when my eldest was around 6. His school is red hot on structure and discipline and going by reports etc he is very well behaved there. I dont think he would dare to step out of line. So when he gets home I do allow for him to kind of let go a bit and to run free. I think all kids need somehwhere where they can laze a bit, push boundaries and learn gradually what they can and cant get away with. I would rather he did that at home with me than at his school.

He knows he is allowed out to play with all his friends as soon as his coat is put away on the peg, his school shoes are on the shoe rack, and his uniform is hung over his radiator. Jeans and t-shirt/fleece etc is laid out on his bed for him all ready. His willingness to do all this didn't come about overnight. But I stood firm and the longer he messed around the less playtime he got.

If there is bad weather then he plays in his room. He has a big book case so he can put books back when he has finished with them. There is a huge chest at the end of his bed that has lots of his toys and games in. All we ask is that he gets one or two things out at a time and puts them back when he has finished. Again this took time for him to do but now he pretty much does it.

When I call him in for dinner I expect him not to play up, if he does there is no pudding. After dinner he knows to put his plate, and cutlery in the dishwasher.

He can use the shower by himself now so after dinner he goes up and gets himself clean, washes his teeth etc. Then he has 30 minutes to read a book with a low light on in his room. At first he would push and push for this to be later and later but now he is really good about going off to sleep.

When he gets up in the morning he makes his bed, throwing a duvet over a bed isn't hard work. Then he gets dressed and comes down for breakfast.

It is getting more pleasurable to have him around as he is becoming really independant now. My youngest is a work in progress and I end up stressed out with him most days. So I do feel your pain. Persistance does pay off in the end.

thehappybutterfly

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The toys is just that I don't allow them to pull loads of stuff out of the playroom as it becomes a bigger battle to get lots tidied away. So once they've finished with the lego it goes away before they haul something else out. They get away with quite a bit and it's a pretty relaxed house in general.

Aaah, tidy up time - I remember it well! My son was right into Star Wars and Lego - anything with tiny bits and pieces. He never tidied up his toys - everything would get shoved under the bed until I had a brainstorm and dragged everything back out and into boxes (every 3 months or so). The thing was I didn't have a clue what each piece belonged but he did! I'd hold up a teensy bit of plastic and he would say "Millenium Falcon" or this or that Lego set! My daughter was the same with Polly Pocket and Barbie. She knew exactly what dress/shoes/tiara went with each doll and woe betide if they were dressed in the wrong outfit or paired with the wrong pet :rotfl:

GobbledyGook

It didn't take long to get into the way of it. Consistency is the key. The tidy/one toy thing came about for the eldest when her sister started being curious about things and putting things in her mouth. I really didn't fancy an A&E trip with a small one who'd swallowed a Polly Pocket or bit of Lego :rotfl: The clothes thing started shortly after she began nursery as getting out in the mornings was a bit of a shock to our systems as when she was tiny she slept 9pm-9am and since I only worked afternoons at the time I didn't see any point in trying to change her to 7-7 as I was quite happy not getting up at 7am.

The younger two have just gone with it as it's always been the way for them. My boy seems to enjoy the tidying up bit as much as the playing bit :rotfl:

I'm glad folks realise I worded it a bit badly and I'm not a complete dragon Although my younger daughter would say I was today. We were doing feet painting on the back of old wallpaper down the hall and she was most unimpressed that I didn't agree with her suggestion that perhaps a red footprint would be a nice addition to my wallpaper :rotfl: