How do you discipline your children

thehappybutterfly

Well good luck with it and please let me know what you end up doing! My daughter is 15 and no amount of me moaning, explaining, shouting, throwing eveything on the floor in the washing machine/bin/garage - you name it I've tried it! I now ignore it. As long as it's in her room and out of my way, she can do what she likes. I found the (black) cat sleeping on a pile of her freshly washed and ironed school blouses this morning - they were lying on the floor beside her wardrobe. I told her to hang them up before we left on the school/work run but I can guarantee they'll still be there tomorrow morning!

I've given up.

Bufger

just wanted to say best of luck. I have 2 boys, one is 21 months and the other is 3 weeks! i'm not looking forward to it knowing what a nightmare me and my brother were...

At the moment tidying up is a game to the eldest and he enjoys it. He even cries if you dont let him put the washing in the washing machine!! (which takes ages) but i'm fairly sure that isnt going to last

FBaby

Surely being a nag is part of being a mum??? My kids are 9 and 12, and still I have to repeat for them to go and shower, pick things up, clear up their bedroom, bring their clothes downstairs etc... They do learn, definitely, it just seem the longest learning process

One positive point is that they are most likely to show the least learning capacity with you, however, show extreme learning capability with other people. I am always amazed when my kids teachers tell me how tidy and helpful they are (the first time I almost choked!). Two weeks ago, they spent a week with my mum for the first time. I warned about having to remind them to brush their teeth, shower and pick up their clothes, but she told me when she brought them back that she hadn't needed to as they did it all without having to remind them (then they came back little terrors to me refusing to do anything!!).

At least so far, they don't seem to hate me too much for it (only at times when I am really losing it after asking them for the 10th time something!)

elegant_elephant

Hi this is just a thought OP but have you thought of getting his hearing checked?

We thought my DS (6 yrs) was always in a world of his own and someone could be bellowing at him and he would just ignore it! It was so frustrating but we just accepted it I suppose thinking it was a behavioural issue. Eventually after my Mum mentioned that she didn't think he was hearing very well and then literally days later the school informed us that they thought he might be having hearing difficulties that we arranged for a hearing test and he was diagnosed with glue ear. We make allowances for him now because of this and it really had lightened the load!

However..... neither of my boys will tidy up readily, say please and thank you, remember their bags/coats/hats for school - the list just goes on and on.....:D

daska

We seem to have had success with DS2 by removing bed time stories.

For background, I know I've talked about him quite a lot on here but to put in context: DS2 is 5 but his language is only just getting good enough to understand consequences - and he's almost certainly autistic, add etc. with severe sensory problems.

So we started each day with 3 books and lost one for each incident of hitting/kicking/biting. This left him totally in control of getting his reward at the end of the day, he didn't have to earn anything, just not lose it, and he was reminded of the story books every time it looked as if he was losing control. It took a few weeks but it has worked and he now gets his 3 books every night as a reward for behaving well.

It's far harder trying to get a child like DS2 to understand things but at the same time you have the ritual thing that can help with learning rules. Keeping his stories was a very big deal. If you can find an equivalent then that might be a tactic to try.

GobbledyGook

I'm quite strict with mine. After school they are not allowed out to play until they've changed with their uniform either in the wash basket or on top of their drawers (their tie that they'd wear again etc), their school coat is hung up and their school shoes and bag are in the hall stand.

If they are playing with one toy then they are not allowed another one out until the last one is put away. If I have to tidy it away then it goes away in my room for a week and they lose a marble from their jar.

The girls (9 and 6) each have a jar with 20 marbles in at the start of the week. They lose a marble for not tidying their stuff, having to be told more than twice, being cheeky, not doing their jobs etc. They can win back marbles for extra good behaviour - normally associated with their little brother at the moment tbh. At the end of the week if they have more than 12 marbles they get a reward from the reward list - that's an extra trip to the park (especially on a Friday in school uniform that they love for some reason), choosing what we have for dinner, an extra 15 minutes before bedtime on a Saturday, pancakes for breakfast. Not things that cost anything.

Every night they get to watch a cartoon before bed, but before that happens they have to pack their school bag for the next day and have their bag, coat and shoes and any gym bag/extras like gloves all on the hall stand. They also have to have their uniform for the next day, right down to pants and socks, laid out on their drawers ready for the next morning. In the morning there is no tv/toys until after breakfast and they are dressed. If they are ready they get 10 minutes before we leave.

I have an egg timer that we use for 5 minute warnings. So 10 minutes before bed/leaving/breakfast I set it for 5 minutes so that they know when they've got only 5 minutes left to be ready.

themull1

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I'm quite strict with mine. After school they are not allowed out to play until they've changed with their uniform either in the wash basket or on top of their drawers (their tie that they'd wear again etc), their school coat is hung up and their school shoes and bag are in the hall stand.

If they are playing with one toy then they are not allowed another one out until the last one is put away. If I have to tidy it away then it goes away in my room for a week and they lose a marble from their jar.

The girls (9 and 6) each have a jar with 20 marbles in at the start of the week. They lose a marble for not tidying their stuff, having to be told more than twice, being cheeky, not doing their jobs etc. They can win back marbles for extra good behaviour - normally associated with their little brother at the moment tbh. At the end of the week if they have more than 12 marbles they get a reward from the reward list - that's an extra trip to the park (especially on a Friday in school uniform that they love for some reason), choosing what we have for dinner, an extra 15 minutes before bedtime on a Saturday, pancakes for breakfast. Not things that cost anything.

Every night they get to watch a cartoon before bed, but before that happens they have to pack their school bag for the next day and have their bag, coat and shoes and any gym bag/extras like gloves all on the hall stand. They also have to have their uniform for the next day, right down to pants and socks, laid out on their drawers ready for the next morning. In the morning there is no tv/toys until after breakfast and they are dressed. If they are ready they get 10 minutes before we leave.

I have an egg timer that we use for 5 minute warnings. So 10 minutes before bed/leaving/breakfast I set it for 5 minutes so that they know when they've got only 5 minutes left to be ready.

Sounds too regimented for me. So they can't have two toys out at once?

GobbledyGook

themull1 wrote: »

Sounds too regimented for me. So they can't have two toys out at once?

It's the big things that I don't let them have too much out. So if they want their gazillion pieces of lego out they have to put away their millions pieces of dolls house furniture first. Otherwise you get to the end of the day and there are so many things out that tidying up becomes a battle ground with them because it'll take ages.

It sounds harsher than it is. There are 3 of them so there are at least 3 things on the go at a time. If they each had 4 or 5 things out they'd be a nightmare to get tidied away at night as tidying is much more boring (9yo's new favourite word) than playing.

Bluemeanie_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I'm quite strict with mine. After school they are not allowed out to play until they've changed with their uniform either in the wash basket or on top of their drawers (their tie that they'd wear again etc), their school coat is hung up and their school shoes and bag are in the hall stand.

If they are playing with one toy then they are not allowed another one out until the last one is put away. If I have to tidy it away then it goes away in my room for a week and they lose a marble from their jar.

The girls (9 and 6) each have a jar with 20 marbles in at the start of the week. They lose a marble for not tidying their stuff, having to be told more than twice, being cheeky, not doing their jobs etc. They can win back marbles for extra good behaviour - normally associated with their little brother at the moment tbh. At the end of the week if they have more than 12 marbles they get a reward from the reward list - that's an extra trip to the park (especially on a Friday in school uniform that they love for some reason), choosing what we have for dinner, an extra 15 minutes before bedtime on a Saturday, pancakes for breakfast. Not things that cost anything.

Every night they get to watch a cartoon before bed, but before that happens they have to pack their school bag for the next day and have their bag, coat and shoes and any gym bag/extras like gloves all on the hall stand. They also have to have their uniform for the next day, right down to pants and socks, laid out on their drawers ready for the next morning. In the morning there is no tv/toys until after breakfast and they are dressed. If they are ready they get 10 minutes before we leave.

I have an egg timer that we use for 5 minute warnings. So 10 minutes before bed/leaving/breakfast I set it for 5 minutes so that they know when they've got only 5 minutes left to be ready.

Sounds extremely organised and calm! That's how I plan to be if i have kids. Especially as I will work full time too you need the organisation.

GobbledyGook

Bluemeanie wrote: »

Sounds extremely organised and calm! That's how I plan to be if i have kids. Especially as I will work full time too you need the organisation.

It's not always calm, but it generally works not too badly.

My daughter has epilepsy and find that her seizures are worse when she was stressed or I was stressing at her and the whole morning routine of hunting for things before school became a nightmare for a while. It's only strict after school and before bed as that saves the hassle in the mornings. I'm not a morning person and neither are my daughters so being strict with them (and I'm strict with myself about being organised before bed as well) at night means less hassle in the mornings.