How would you deal with verbal abuse in your home

marisco_2

I wonder if they behave like this toward other people? If this conduct is the norm for them. What an awful example they are to their young and impressionable children. They are doing them no favours at all and are setting them up for a very hard time of fitting in with society aren't they!

It must have been embarrassing for this to have unravelled in front of people who live round you. However rest assured that they all know you and how you conduct yourself. The people who mortified and showed themselves up are your rude relatives.

Marisco

Foot, backside, door, in that order!

andygb

marisco wrote: »

I wonder if they behave like this toward other people? If this conduct is the norm for them. What an awful example they are to their young and impressionable children. They are doing them no favours at all and are setting them up for a very hard time of fitting in with society aren't they!

It must have been embarrassing for this to have unravelled in front of people who live round you. However rest assured that they all know you and how you conduct yourself. The people who mortified and showed themselves up are your rude relatives.

They did sympathise with me, and when I explained how and why it came about they were shocked, at how out of touch with reality, and how inconsiderate some people could be, particularly younger (niece) relations.

andygb

marisco wrote: »

I wonder if they behave like this toward other people? If this conduct is the norm for them. What an awful example they are to their young and impressionable children. They are doing them no favours at all and are setting them up for a very hard time of fitting in with society aren't they!

The whole family seem to be constantly involved in scams and fraud. The mother of the niece in question has a criminal record for assault, and her brother (our nephew) a criminal record for TWOC'ing (also no licence or insurance, and he was drunk) and is violent. The strange thing is, that they think of themselves as "upper class", and look down on us (mainly because I have health problems, and have been unemployed a lot over the past ten years).

andygb

londonsurrey wrote: »

I must say that I'm surprised your wife would even entertain the idea of having them back after this display.

She does seem to be concerned that it is all my fault, that things have gone this far, in spite of the fact that I have told her, that they are the ones who have behaved badly (I used stronger language than that to describe their actions), and that we do not need people making constant demands of us and then giving nothing in return.

mikey72

andygb wrote: »

A while back, a relation came to our house, and because they did not get what they wanted (thought that they could control us, get us to do what they wanted us to do), they started to get abusive, at which point I swore (not swearing directly at a person though), and they took exception to me swearing (because their children were present).
I pointed out that they were in my house, at which point his wife started swearing at me (He chose to ignore her swearing in front of the children), and I told them to leave, whereupon the woman unleashed another verbal attack on me.
At one point, I thought that her husband may try his luck and attack me, and I was prepared to basically give it everything - so, if this had happened, where would I have stood?
I am 54 and the relation is 30.

I don't know where you would have stood, but I would have stood next to you.
100% would have done exactly the same, and they wouldn't have been allowed back in either.

maman

I do understand what you're saying about generations but I think it's hugely unfair to the vast majority of young people who choose to conduct themselves properly. I'm sure we all have young relatives and friends that while they may know the words (as you do OP and the rest of us) choose not to use them in certain places. That would include in someone else's home, in front of children etc.

I suppose your wife's attitude is coloured by the fact that they're her relatives. Does she expect you to forgive and forget? An apology?

Personally I'd have nothing more to do with them, definitely don't invite them to your home again. If they show up at family functions then just give them a wide berth. It's a shame you resorted to swearing yourself but it does sound like a very threatening situation.

londonsurrey

andygb wrote: »

The whole family seem to be constantly involved in scams and fraud. The mother of the niece in question has a criminal record for assault, and her brother (our nephew) a criminal record for TWOC'ing (also no licence or insurance, and he was drunk) and is violent. The strange thing is, that they think of themselves as "upper class", and look down on us (mainly because I have health problems, and have been unemployed a lot over the past ten years).

Yes well, I suspect their definition of upper class may not resonate with many.

They may also be confusing basic financial affluence and its trappings with simple manners and gentlemanly behaviour.

andygb

maman wrote: »

I do understand what you're saying about generations but I think it's hugely unfair to the vast majority of young people who choose to conduct themselves properly. I'm sure we all have young relatives and friends that while they may know the words (as you do OP and the rest of us) choose not to use them in certain places. That would include in someone else's home, in front of children etc.

I suppose your wife's attitude is coloured by the fact that they're her relatives. Does she expect you to forgive and forget? An apology?

Personally I'd have nothing more to do with them, definitely don't invite them to your home again. If they show up at family functions then just give them a wide berth. It's a shame you resorted to swearing yourself but it does sound like a very threatening situation.

The guy (The niece's husband), said something absolutely outrageous (in an attempt to make us feel guilty), and I replied - "I don't give a F*** about that".
He then became extremely angry/aggressive and started shouting at me.
The niece then started swearing and shouting at me, calling me names which were extremely insulting, added to which every other word was punctuated with F***.
I then made a comment regarding her swearing in front of the children, and he shut up and didn't say a word.
I then told them to get out of the house, that I didn't want to see them again.

maman

andygb wrote: »

The guy (The niece's husband), said something absolutely outrageous (in an attempt to make us feel guilty), and I replied - "I don't give a F*** about that".
He then became extremely angry/aggressive and started shouting at me.
The niece then started swearing and shouting at me, calling me names which were extremely insulting, added to which every other word was punctuated with F***.
I then made a comment regarding her swearing in front of the children, and he shut up and didn't say a word.
I then told them to get out of the house, that I didn't want to see them again.

Thanks for explaining. As I said it was a very fraught situation so your reaction was understandable. While you using one swear word is nothing in comparison to the tirade of abuse you received it was a shame that you used it. Sort of gave him some ammunition which I'm sure you would rather not have done.