How would you deal with verbal abuse in your home

andygb

A while back, a relation came to our house, and because they did not get what they wanted (thought that they could control us, get us to do what they wanted us to do), they started to get abusive, at which point I swore (not swearing directly at a person though), and they took exception to me swearing (because their children were present).
I pointed out that they were in my house, at which point his wife started swearing at me (He chose to ignore her swearing in front of the children), and I told them to leave, whereupon the woman unleashed another verbal attack on me.
At one point, I thought that her husband may try his luck and attack me, and I was prepared to basically give it everything - so, if this had happened, where would I have stood?
I am 54 and the relation is 30.

NewKittenHelp

They wouldn't have got the chance to swear at me, they'd have been shown the door the minute they started acting up.

Fire_Fox

You don't have the legal right to do anything but defend yourself. You don't really want to get into a fight in a house anyway, people fall onto furniture or ornaments and hurt themselves, or fall onto others present and hurt them.

Better not to let it escalate in the first place, don't raise your voice even if they do, don't swear even if they do, ask them to leave politely and repeatedly, consider staying in your seat even if they stand up and look threatening. Not sure why you have posted your ages?

DVardysShadow

andygb wrote: »

.... At one point, I thought that her husband may try his luck and attack me, and I was prepared to basically give it everything - so, if this had happened, where would I have stood?
I am 54 and the relation is 30.

You stand out of reach if possible and nearer an exit door than they are

Fire_Fox wrote: »

.... Not sure why you have posted your ages?

Agility comes into it.

andygb

Fire_Fox wrote: »

You don't have the legal right to do anything but defend yourself. You don't really want to get into a fight in a house anyway, people fall onto furniture or ornaments and hurt themselves, or fall onto others present and hurt them.

Better not to let it escalate in the first place, don't raise your voice even if they do, don't swear even if they do, ask them to leave politely and repeatedly, consider staying in your seat even if they stand up and look threatening. Not sure why you have posted your ages?

We were both standing anyway. I mentioned age, because I am a bit old fashioned, and if an older family member has always been helpful and courteous in the past then younger family members should respect that.
This couple have no respect for anyone, and I have the opinion that when in my house, people play by my rules - be polite and do not wind me up or threaten me. I guess many other people would agree with me on this.

andygb

DVardysShadow wrote: »

You stand out of reach if possible and nearer an exit door than they are


Agility comes into it.

Agility does indeed come into it:rotfl:
However, I am a bit confused why I should stand near an exit door in my own house:rotfl:

January20

andygb wrote: »

We were both standing anyway. I mentioned age, because I am a bit old fashioned, and if an older family member has always been helpful and courteous in the past then younger family members should respect that.
This couple have no respect for anyone, and I have the opinion that when in my house, people play by my rules - be polite and do not wind me up or threaten me. I guess many other people would agree with me on this.

I agree with this, but probably because I'm a bit old fashioned to and nearly 50 too so it may be a generational thing?

Are you going to allow that couple to come back to your house? I would have banned them from ever darkening my doorstep and wouldn't want anything to do with them - relation or no relation!

claire16c

Dont let these people in your house again.

Im not sure why anyone would let someone like that in in the first place as you clearly dont like each other much?

If for some bizarre reason your own house guests try to abuse you then ask them to leave, dont get into an argument, just repeat the sentence over and over.

marisco_2

If the situation had escalated to the point where it became violent you could all potentially have got into trouble with the law. Especially as there were children present.

Not worth the aggrevation really. At the point they began to get abusive I would have told them, calmly but very assertively, to leave my home. As adults they should realise that to get the best out of another person you dont become abusive or aggressive. If anyone started on me like that in my own home I would zone out on them and immediately lose interest in anything they were asking of me.

Clearly they are the type who thrive on conflict and upset. All very easy for me to say in hindsight but they goaded you to the point that you swore on purpose. Then used that old line of not swearing in front of their kids, thus trying to undermine your standing even further. All this was done to get you into an awkward position in the hopes that you would back down. They are verbal bullies. Bullies dont like losing control and this is when they stopped worrying about what their kids saw and heard and flipped.

Talk about no respect for their elders, cheeky sods hey

andygb

They will not be "visiting" us or even seeing us again, I can promise you that. I did tell them to get out (forcibly but without further swearing) after their swearing tirade, and they went, with the female continuing to swear at me at the top of her voice from about twenty metres away (I had to explain to the neighbours what the commotion was all about - how embarrassing!).
They are relations from my wife's side of the family, and they have done a similar thing (though not in my house) years before, where for no reason at all, they started verbally abusing me.
I have still not quite convinced my wife, that I cannot put up with this type of abuse from relations (I have never experienced it, or anything like it from friends).
As January20 has pointed out, this is a "generational" problem, where some people with attitude, and an over inflated opinion of themselves, are not bothered how they act towards others.

londonsurrey

I must say that I'm surprised your wife would even entertain the idea of having them back after this display.