Fallen out with my DF just before visiting him abroad.

Cyril

Much better Helen.

Its really hard I know but if your Dad does suffer some sort of NPD you have to be the one in control and state whats going to happen for the benefit of your family not what he decides and if he creates whilst you on holiday I would book yourselves in somewhere else. Don't remain there miserable and it may teach him a lesson.

helenthemum

Marisco. If he does email back I will post it here, he has not phoned or emailed since.

HeatherintheHills, I have added the bit you suggested.

I am now going to send the email. *she says with trempidation*.

helenthemum

Email back from him:-

Dear [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]Helen,

I didn't put the phone down on you at all. I might have gone out of range on the handheld - that I don't know.[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The one evening you wanted to go to the church outdoor event

There is no church evening event - don't know where you got that from.

[/FONT]



[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Of course I want you all to come and am looking forward to it. Sometimes I think instant communication is not a good thing, at others it is brilliant.

It might be better to deal with the programme after you have arrived and take it a day at a time. I am going to try to record the Wallace & Grommit Prom in case you cannot see it on Monday afternoon.

The Paralympics [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]will also be on from the 29th.

Take care and enjoy the weekend. See you on Tuesday,[/FONT][/FONT]

His phone didn't go out of range I know the sound of his phone going out of range, it just went totally dead. The church event was on his original progamme of events with a link to the event.
[/FONT]

Mojisola

helenthemum wrote: »

It might be better to deal with the programme after you have arrived and take it a day at a time.

In other words - I don't know how she's managed to stand up to me. Once I have her in front of me, I'll be able to get her to do what I want.

londonsurrey

Oh ye gods.

From what you say, he has absolutely no problem with total denial of the truth, e.g. the phone going out of range and simply ignoring the church link in an email to deny anything said about the church.

That SHOUTS narcissistic. It's a form of sociopathy.
A psychopath will brick your windows, a sociopath will brick your mind.

Take a cue from your siblings. RUN.
Even if you don't have enough self esteem to do it for yourself, do it for your children.

Cyril

I think the email is troubling.

The trouble is when Narcissism is mentioned we perhaps pick up on things that are not there but this is a classic where it didn't happen, wasn't said etc etc to make you think you are going mad.

I think there is more at stake here than a holiday. I would take a step back altogether.

It always worries me when someone has a history of losing people ie your siblings and it sounds like they have realised how destructive he is before you.

Mojisola

helenthemum wrote: »

My father has always been the type to have his say about everything and his opinion is the only one that matters, its has been this way ever since I was little.

I am the youngest of 4 and in my mid 40's I am the only one who has put up with his attitude the whole of my life, the others have all fallen out with him at some stage of their lives.

Cyril wrote: »

It always worries me when someone has a history of losing people ie your siblings and it sounds like they have realised how destructive he is before you.

Have you ever discussed your father with your siblings?

They have obviously seen through him and should be willing to help you distance yourself from his controlling behaviour.

If I only had one week's holiday to relax and enjoy myself, I wouldn't be putting myself into a situation that going to be stressful at its best and very upsetting at its worst - and I certainly wouldn't be putting my children through this.

sassyblue

Something more troubling to consider OP..... the argumentativeness and total denial of something could also be the onset of something like alzheimers.

If you go of course you will know if he's 'playing' you, would you see cause for alarm or is he getting you over there to control you?

xx

helenthemum

No I haven't really discussed my father with my siblings. I think its about I did.

I have had a chat with my children and my daughter really wants to go. My DS is not that bothered and can take or leave it. Food will please him.

So for her sake more than mine we are going to go. I have explained as much as I can to them and asked for their help. If they notice him getting out of hand they can help to distract him by asking me to play cards with them, help them with something, can we go to the shop, anything just to defuse things.

My children are in for a big reward when we get back. I know deep down I am not going to go an see him for a long time after this visit. I have already said I can't go over next year. I think I will have to start using my sisters tactics of making up excuses all the time well as to why I can't visit him.

Thank you all for your help. Just need to think of a mantra now to keep saying when he starts trying to control me.

missprice

helenthemum wrote: »

Thank you all for your help. Just need to think of a mantra now to keep saying when he starts trying to control me.

he aint trying to control you
HE ALREADY IS controlling you.

sounds mean sorry not meant to be:)

As for a Mantra I can think of a few, but they probs will not work for long so have more than one ready.
e.g
Your attitude is upsetting me/my child, We are off for a walk while you calm down.

Your tone of voice is nasty please stop.

You don't get to say where we go/what we do today my child is unwell.

Stop throwing your teddy out.:)

You have been warned that kind of behaviour is unacceptable so stop now.

etc etc and swap adjectives as needed

And btw your very brave:T