Not in her right mind - can I block her access to her assets?

Fire_Fox

Errata wrote: »

Personally, I'd be wondering what they could see that I was blind to.

The OP hasn't even said she's met this man or seen him with her mother. If he is after the mother's money he is a smooth operator but that is a lot easier to see if you are not the one being smoothed over. Concerns can be voiced without giving the mother Hobson's choice, the way that post was worded is passive-aggressive/ manipulative.

Kalama

jay_girlsgirlsgirls wrote: »

Thank you very much taking the time out to reply. She might just have enough savings to bring him as a fiance.

Will have the conversation with her and take it from there.

Thanks again,
Jay

You're welcome. I hope that the conversation goes OK and that your mum recognises your concerns. It is a really tough position to be in. I think Firefox's advice on how to approach the conversation (with concern over her rather than start straight away with the money worries) is very good.

Good luck.

K

hazyjo

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I am sure you don't mean it but IMO that would be a horrible thing to say. How would you feel if a close relative or friend was so dismissive/ unsupportive/ negative about someone you loved enough to make them your husband?

Because of the comments the OP said, I personally don't think she wants to be out there any more but does not want to admit failure or that she got it wrong. It also appears to me that he is using her money/security for something which she doesn't seem sure about.

Comments like the following would alert me to the fact my mum was not happy or settled and had her own doubts:
==================================

- Wasn't particularly happy, he only took her out rarely, she got very homesick
- She's lonely, and keeping on with relationship

Now she is back from Africa one month, and has started acting strangely.

Since she went to Africa, she had asked me to keep an eye on her finances.

- She has sent a lot of money in the last month (more money than she has in her ISA, she's sending it on a credit card via western union, and has now emptied all of her savings

- She is completely shutting the family out and lying

- He has a copy of her house deed (could be for Fiance visa, could be for secured loan...but why's he setting up a business if he's supposedly coming over to the UK?)

she has a strange nervousness about her, and is completely not her usual self.

Can I contact the Financial adviser and ask he prevent access based on her not in her right mind?

==================================

If she was happy, having a whale of a time, blowing every penny on a lifelong holiday or a business she was investing in, great. Each to their own. I'm sure the OP would be delighted to see his mum skipping off into the sunset with someone she loved.

From the information provided, I do believe she is scared to admit failure.

If I was in her shoes and a close relative or friend sent me a letter saying they would support me through whatever decision I made but if I felt the time had come to leave him, I would probably run sobbing into their arms saying I'd been a fool and was scared to admit failure.

Just read TaB or something to see how many women are taken in and led to believe they 'love someone enough to make them their husband'.

I'm sure all or most of us have been let down or betrayed before by people we once loved. Sometimes, just to have someone say, it's okay to walk, we're here for you, is all it takes for sense to kick in.

Only the OP can know if it would be the right thing to do for their mum. They obviously know something is not right and are asking for opinions. I gave mine.

Jx

princeofpounds

The problem with sending a letter offering 'arms to run home to' is that is it presumes the lady actually has doubts about her situation. If she does not, then it will not be taken well.

That's why I would be more inclined to speak to her directly and ASK what is happening and tell her my concerns, but not presume her thougts or actions.

hazyjo

Yep, can see your point. I just think that people tend to be very defensive and automatically go on the back foot when approached face to face.

Jx

daska

princeofpounds wrote: »

The problem with sending a letter offering 'arms to run home to' is that is it presumes the lady actually has doubts about her situation. If she does not, then it will not be taken well.

That's why I would be more inclined to speak to her directly and ASK what is happening and tell her my concerns, but not presume her thougts or actions.

I think I'd opt for a concerned "you don't seem that happy at the moment and that worries me, what's wrong?"