Not in her right mind - can I block her access to her assets?

bugslet

Dunroamin wrote: »

Your mother is 49, not 89. If she wants to make a fool of herself then that is her concern and not yours.

I think it's reasonable to query that this chap's intentions. Maybe it's real and they'll live happily together ever after, but it's also very possible that he intends to try to get into the Uk and sever connections with her once he's here, or that he intends to drain as much money from her as possible before ditching her. Given the fact that she is acting unusually, then I think the OP has every right to be concerned for her mother. Generally families look out for each other's best interests ( not always I know). It's not difficult to see the day coming when the OPs mother says, why didn't you stop me being so daft?

The OP certainly has the right to be concerned about the money left to her that her mother may be able to access.

megc_2

We have laws in this country that govern whether or not you can block someone's access to their money and how we decide whether somebody fits into the category of 'not in their right mind'. The test is called a mental capacity assessment, and the very basis of that test is that somebody is perfectly entitled to make their own decisions as long as they are able to understand the full implications of those decisions.
The law explicitly states that making an unwise decision does not constitute a lack of capacity and therefore does not provide any protection for the person making the unwise decision (such as sending the contents of their bank account to a man in Ghana with whom they may or may not have fallen in love to start or not start a business).
So sadly, this situation may be quite obviously unwise of your mother but not necessarily fit the legal requirements to enable you or anybody else to block your mother's access to her assets.
This may not be the case however if your mother was in some way mentally ill, has learning difficulties or dementia, but from what you say it does not sound like this.

Dunroamin

bugslet wrote: »

I think it's reasonable to query that this chap's intentions. Maybe it's real and they'll live happily together ever after, but it's also very possible that he intends to try to get into the Uk and sever connections with her once he's here, or that he intends to drain as much money from her as possible before ditching her. .

I didn't mean to imply that the family shouldn't be concerned for her and try to get her to look at some of the more negative outcomes but that isn't the same thing as saying, "Not in her right mind - can I block her access to her assets?"

If this was a love struck teenager that was being discussed I'm sure people would be talking about not being controlling and letting her learn from her mistakes, rather than implying she was mentally ill. As for the idea that someone should be able to stop another adult accessing her own money, however foolishly, I'm afraid that seems to me to be bordering on the criminal!

princeofpounds

It's pretty obvious what is going on here. She is paying over a lot of money, getting some kind of relationship in return. That relationship may be somewhat genuine but the odds are against it.

I think that means you should absolutely confront the issue out of concern, but recognise that it is ultimately her right to continue her current path as long as she is aware of the dangers.

I am most worried about the money your mother holds in trust. She no longer sounds like a suitable trustee. Why do you not have this money? Are you still a minor? And how is it secured?

As for the house deed, I can't think why he has this at all. Has there been any explanation on this point? Is it being used to secure business financing at all?

hazyjo

I think, rather than put her on the spot and make her defensive, give her something to think through and not respond straight away to - like an email or letter.

I'd be saying something like it's okay to change her mind about being in Ghana and being with this man, she won't lose face, any gossip will in effect be tomorrow's fish 'n' chip paper, it's okay to throw in the towel and if she never wants to set foot out there again and leave him behind, that's fine too. Commitment is one thing, this is another. Married or not, people get divorced/split up all the time. She can either be happy on her own, or she may meet someone lovely at a later date, but, in the meantime, you are all there for her and love her as much as you've always done. Say she doesn't have to explain or admit anything, life can start from today, back at home in England, and you will be there if/when she needs you - with no judgement.

Good luck. Awful situation.

Jx

good_advice

Hi Jay, an uneasy situation.
Sadly there is nothing you can do to stop her spending her own money. You can try talking to your mum but wile they still believe a younger man will love a middle aged woman the dream continues. The thought of being lonely plays a big part..

Yes, I have seen it happen to someone I know...

Finally ending up homeless and trying to get benefits.

Fire_Fox

hazyjo wrote: »

I'd be saying something like it's okay to change her mind about being in Ghana and being with this man, she won't lose face, any gossip will in effect be tomorrow's fish 'n' chip paper, it's okay to throw in the towel and if she never wants to set foot out there again and leave him behind, that's fine too. Commitment is one thing, this is another. Married or not, people get divorced/split up all the time. She can either be happy on her own, or she may meet someone lovely at a later date, but, in the meantime, you are all there for her and love her as much as you've always done. Say she doesn't have to explain or admit anything, life can start from today, back at home in England, and you will be there if/when she needs you - with no judgement.

I am sure you don't mean it but IMO that would be a horrible thing to say. How would you feel if a close relative or friend was so dismissive/ unsupportive/ negative about someone you loved enough to make them your husband?

Errata

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I am sure you don't mean it but IMO that would be a horrible thing to say. How would you feel if a close relative or friend was so dismissive/ unsupportive/ negative about someone you loved enough to make them your husband?

Personally, I'd be wondering what they could see that I was blind to.

gibson123

I have seen very similar situations and it does sound like she is being manipulated by this man for his own gain. it happens in every country including the UK, there is little you can do except protect your own inheritance, let your Mum know you will be there for her and hope she comes to her senses. I know of one family who set up a "sting" and offered a Turkish Man £20,000 to leave their Mum alone, he said it would only be worth his while if they gave him £40,000 and he admitted on film that he didn't love her, and that he would only give her up if he was compensated for the monetary loss. When they showed the Mum the film, she wouldn't believe it and fell out with her family about the "set up". The Turkish man was furious and called the son and said he had been "conned" out of £40,000, threatened violence if the family didn't cough up and that the family were thieves. he then went on to totally empty her bank accounts, got her to sell her house and as soon as the money ran out, he was off and she was left homeless, penniless and with no self-esteem. Maybe you can show her some of these posts, but unfortunately when you are in the situation it is very difficult to see that you are being conned.

daska

When you say she is a trustee, exactly how is it set up?

Not all trusts end up in a secure bank a/c e.g. the money in trust for myself/sister/our children is all in dad's hands to 'use' as he wants. We demanded that the value of the 'loan' from the trust be secured against his house. If you don't have that kind of safeguard then there is every chance, from the sound of it, that your inheritance may go the way of the savings that she has already passed to him.

Personally I think I'd be having a chat with her about the money. She ASKED YOU to keep an eye on her finances, perhaps she knows something is amiss and needs you to bolster her confidence to say no?