School bullies

meritaten

What school is your son in? it is the middle of August and all the schools in my area are on the summer break. they don't go back until September. Where are you?

balletshoes

meritaten wrote: »

What school is your son in? it is the middle of August and all the schools in my area are on the summer break. they don't go back until September. Where are you?

Scottish schools started their new school year last week.

ginger_tony

Hi everyone and thanks for the replies, l live in Scotland and l take on what every one is saying. He did have the same hassel from another boy in their transition week and his pastoral care teacher dealt with it and it stopped the boy even apologised. The school hve been amazing and really approachable but my older daughter said if he keeps going to the teachers it will be social suicide and he either has to ignore them or stand up for himself. He does have family in the school and to be honest two of his cousins can handle themselves etc and would stick by him but dont really want to go down that road. l think ignoring them can be a mistake too as they then see him as an easy target.l think these boys are showing off and are a bit chavy, where as my son is polite and well mannered. He does have friends but dont really want them pulled into anything either. l may discreetly phone the pastoral care teacher and voice my concerns and see what she thinks the best way to handle it. What my worry is that it escalates to hitting his head that can be fatal to my son.

annie1975_2

ginger_tony wrote: »

Hi everyone and thanks for the replies, l live in Scotland and l take on what every one is saying. He did have the same hassel from another boy in their transition week and his pastoral care teacher dealt with it and it stopped the boy even apologised. The school hve been amazing and really approachable but my older daughter said if he keeps going to the teachers it will be social suicide and he either has to ignore them or stand up for himself. He does have family in the school and to be honest two of his cousins can handle themselves etc and would stick by him but dont really want to go down that road. l think ignoring them can be a mistake too as they then see him as an easy target.l think these boys are showing off and are a bit chavy, where as my son is polite and well mannered. He does have friends but dont really want them pulled into anything either. l may discreetly phone the pastoral care teacher and voice my concerns and see what she thinks the best way to handle it. What my worry is that it escalates to hitting his head that can be fatal to my son.

Well if it doesn't stop I would certainly get the 2 cousins to have a word in the bully's ear...Good Luck . Hope it gets sorted.

DevilsAdvocate1

ginger_tony wrote: »

Hi everyone and thanks for the replies, l live in Scotland and l take on what every one is saying. He did have the same hassel from another boy in their transition week and his pastoral care teacher dealt with it and it stopped the boy even apologised. The school hve been amazing and really approachable but my older daughter said if he keeps going to the teachers it will be social suicide and he either has to ignore them or stand up for himself. He does have family in the school and to be honest two of his cousins can handle themselves etc and would stick by him but dont really want to go down that road. l think ignoring them can be a mistake too as they then see him as an easy target.l think these boys are showing off and are a bit chavy, where as my son is polite and well mannered. He does have friends but dont really want them pulled into anything either. l may discreetly phone the pastoral care teacher and voice my concerns and see what she thinks the best way to handle it. What my worry is that it escalates to hitting his head that can be fatal to my son.

My oldest son was bullied when he first started at secondary school. He did not know anyone in his year as he was the only child not to get the school this his primary school was linked with. This made him an easy target.

I told him to ignore them at first, but the level of bullying got worse. I then emailed his tutor. She was a fairly new teacher and had never had a group of year 7 before. Unfortunately, she made the situation much worse by telling them all to stay behind after tutor. She then told the bullies that DS had said ........

Finally, it got to a point where my son sat in the car with fists clenched trying not to cry when I took him to school on a morning. I felt like the worst person in the world dropping him off, knowing his day would be hell. They would surround him, tell him that everyone hated him and to jump out of the window and die, die, die. Horrible.

So I got in touch with the head of year who passed me on to pastoral support. This support teacher was fantastic. After listening to our story she said she would look into it. We were told that nothing would be said about us going in. Instead, the bullies would be told that they had noticed xxx on the CCTV camera or that a teacher had overheard them.

Anyway, it was all sorted out. My son was given a card to access a special area during break and lunch, so he could get away from the bullies if need be. As far as I'm aware, he did not actually use it, but having the choice gave him some confidence. There was also a support group for those struggling to fit in and my son was encouraged to attend. This was once a week until the end of year 7.

I was told that if he formed a friendship then they would move him into the tutor group of his friend. The school were fantastic.

DS1 is about to start year 10 and is now a really popular boy. He did not move tutor groups in the end. The ringleader leaves him alone and doesn't even speak to DS1. The other teenagers who were bullying him are now good friends.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I wanted to show you that schools can do something if they want to.

Good luck. I hope you get it sorted out.

bestpud

Bullies get away with what they do because kids think it will be social suicide to get parents involved - surely you, as an adult, can see where those rumours start though?

Don't underestimate the effect of bullying - it can be very damaging and your son is bothered about it - that's why he is telling you.

If you went into work every day and had four colleagues calling you names based on a physical attribute, would you think your only options are ignore them or stand up for yourself?

What if neither worked? Would you still think you should do nothing because nobody else at work would talk to you?

It's no different at school - there is laws protecting us from workplace bullying and there should be the same in schools, but there won't be while so many kids and parents think it is 'natural' and even *shudders* a right of passage!

You are right to be worried so act on your instinct and take no notice of your dd as she is caught up in the culture and knows no different tbh.

Bufger

I'd start a rumour that he's the son of an international arms dealer, once that has bedded in slightly i'd hire a Range Rover and get some big bulky mates to go and pick him up from school with shades and suits on.

Not very MSE but very fun

Maybe i'm just twisted..

amus

Just out of interest do you know if they are calling him names to be purposefully hurtful or have they just made up a nickname?

Often this is an age where kids will call each other names but some names just end up being nicknames, even if they arnt particularly nice e.g. a boy in my class got called Fester because he actually looked like Uncle Fester, another guy I know gets called Sparrow, short for sparrow !!!!!! (apparently).

As long as this is an isolated incident and there hasnt been anything else your son would be better to try to ignore them and show it doesnt bother him.

Obviously if the behaviour escalates then I would do as others have suggested and get the school involved/get his relatives to have a word.

Cat501

DevilsAdvocate1 I've got tears streaming down my face after reading your post. Can't tell you how glad I am that there has been a happy ending for your DS - and you xx

No new advice to offer OP, I agree with many of the posts here, especially bestpud's. Wishing you and your son the very best of luck xx

Fire_Fox

ginger_tony wrote: »

Hi everyone and thanks for the replies, l live in Scotland and l take on what every one is saying. He did have the same hassel from another boy in their transition week and his pastoral care teacher dealt with it and it stopped the boy even apologised. The school hve been amazing and really approachable but my older daughter said if he keeps going to the teachers it will be social suicide and he either has to ignore them or stand up for himself. He does have family in the school and to be honest two of his cousins can handle themselves etc and would stick by him but dont really want to go down that road. l think ignoring them can be a mistake too as they then see him as an easy target.l think these boys are showing off and are a bit chavy, where as my son is polite and well mannered. He does have friends but dont really want them pulled into anything either. l may discreetly phone the pastoral care teacher and voice my concerns and see what she thinks the best way to handle it. What my worry is that it escalates to hitting his head that can be fatal to my son.

But your daughter is the child and you are the adult, she has no life experience. What life lesson are you teaching all of the children if you don't challenge bullying, be they in the school or the workplace? School hasn't changed that much since any of us were there, bullying and the don't grass mantra is as old as the hills - not all children feel that way. The only way a boy can stand up for himself is fighting which is clearly not appropriate, otherwise invoke the bullying policy. Ignoring can lead to an escalation to physical contact because that cannot be ignored.