Why do some women stop their ex partners from seeing their kids?

alwaysasking_2

Why do some women stop their ex partners from seeing their kids. I have heard tales of women ripping birthday cards and Christmas cards up which were sent to their kids from their ex. these kids grow up thinking their fathers never care for them when it is actually the mothers that stop or make it very difficult for the fathers to see them. Do they do it out of bitterness or what?

Surely it is time for the law to treat mothers and fathers exactly equal and to stop allowing mothers automatic custody.

Who else agrees with me on this?

Redouble

Seems an inflammatory first post?

One could also ask why some fathers up and leave and never contact their children again. A small minority of people aren't very nice. That's your answer.
Did you sign up to a money based website just to ask that question?

luxor4t

A father does not have automatic rights to custody or access to the child, just as a mother does not, the court determines it is in the child's best interests.
Some fathers have difficulty accepting this, as do some mothers. Life can be hard and rarely fair and some people react to the way they have been treated.

Nephew's father upped and left, and broke all contact with his son. Not even a birthday card in 10 + years.

Notsosharp

I don't stop my ex partner seeing his child; I never have although I'm sure if you asked him he'd tell you different. So bear that in mind next time you think to condemn these women who don't let fathers see their children, theres always two sides to every story,

In actual fact I'd love it if he would see her more, as it is he only makes the effort to see her twice a year claiming lack of money whilst still having sufficient finances to pop over to Turkey whenever he feels like it (he part owns an apartment over there). I wouldn't mind if he lived in Turkey but he doesn't, he lives in Scotland!

Basically he's got better things to do then make the effort to see his daughter. The worst of it is is she's starting to realise how little he cares for her when she's just reaching that teenage age and could probably do with having a stable father figure more then ever.

tiamai_d

Mothers do not get automatic custody.

Sorry to bust ya bubble.

browneyedbazzi

As mentioned above, mothers do not automatically get custody. I also don't think there are many mothers who deny their child's father access out of bitterness/spite etc - the vast majority want what is best for their child and know that having two parents involved in their lives usually is what is best. In some circumstances this isn't the case though - where there has been abuse, where one parent isn't capable of looking after the child and the child would be put at risk if in their care etc.

Mothers I know who have been in that circumstance (abusive ex partner who's behaviour put their child at risk) have been devastated that their children don't have their fathers in their lives.

shegirl

Because they're messed up and unable to put their childs needs first.

That said,for every woman who does so there will be many more 'fathers' who walk away and pretend that is the case.Makes them appear better people you see!

My sons dad was telling the tramp he was cheating with that I was withholding contact before he even left us LMAO Now he's buffered off and refuses to see our son because he 'can't put him first' (his words) I wouldn't be surprised if he is telling his mates the same!

Guess the main way to spot the difference is the genuine guys wouldn't just accept it and not bother-they'd be fighting from day one

Gigglepig

Perhaps some men/women can bear having contact with their ex, or do it out of spite, but there could be many reasons. There are also exes who refuse to stick to schedules, make arrangements hard, and do not have a consistent interest in/commitment to their kids. Inconsistency can be very hurtful to the child. I think some parents find it extremely difficult to see their kids let down and for that reason try to avoid further contact?

Regarding your other point..

You cannot split a child in two - so how can you possibly treat mum and dad exactly the same?

Arrangements where kids live 50%-50% with mum & dad, although it sounds nice in principle, must be thoroughly exhausting for the kids?

Mothers and fathers will never be exactly equal as long as mothers are the ones who are pregnant.... (I only came to appreciate how much this means, this after getting pregnant myself!)

In addition to the attachment/bonding by pregnancy and breastfeeding, many mothers will also have made bigger sacrifices than fathers not only in terms of their health but also in terms of career etc.

It is quite rare in this country for mothers to go back to a career a couple of weeks after birth, and for dad to stay at home with small children.

If the mother will have been the primary carer during the marriage, so it would not make sense to change it afterwards?

Based on all these points, if you want to avoid the stress of 50%-50% moving between homes, unless the mother is proven unsuitable or it is clear that the dad has always been the primary carer, it makes sense that mother is primary carer?

alwaysonthego_2

I had to stop contact due to the ex being very abusive towards me and telling the kids I was a terrible mother etc (he had been like this during the marriage so can't expect any different). He was telling the children unappropriate things on the phone without consulting me such as a family member had died. He refused to give me a contact number and wouldn't tell me if he hadn't fed the kids. I could see this affecting the kids so had to put a stop to it and my solicitor wrote to him asking him to stop this behaviour. I agreed to him seeing the kids on the days he requested but then he never got back in contact to confirm when he wanted to start seeing them.

sweetme

I have never stopped my ex from seeing his kids. He had chosen not too. Currently 9 weeks and counting since he last saw them. Oh, and there have been no birthday cards to rip up. The only confirmation of his existence is the standing order paid into my account every month. I'm damn sure my kids would rather have his time and attention.

Slinky

I had no contact with my mother after she beggered off and left my dad brother and I. There was never any question of her wanting us to go with her we would have been an inconvenience.

Strangely she couldn't see what she had done and accused my dad of 'turning the children against her', when she actually managed to do that all by herself.