Trying to be frugal but my fiance wastes money!

madkoi

Hi everyone, its been a while since ive posted so apologies if I am posting this in the wrong section!

I am engaged living with my fiance & my nearly 3yr old little boy. We both work (me currently f/t but going part time in Sept). We are getting married in Las Vegas next May so we are trying to save money for this. I have a budget on an excel spreadsheet so I am always monitoring what we are spending. My problem is my fiance seems to whittle his money away on nothing. He smokes roll ups & has gambling tendencies so this is why I control all the money & give him money each week to spend on tobacco & miscellaneous! My trouble is I dont know where half of it goes (or I do know (bookies maybe). Over the month he has between £200-260 to spend as he pleases, but I cant justify this wastefulness when we have a wedding to pay for.

Any suggestions?

VeggieCatLady

Have you talked to him about it and asked him directly? Maybe you could have a conversation with him about cutting back on spending so you can save more for your wedding. You could use examples of what you have cut back on yourself so he doesn't feel like you are just targeting his spending. Relationships can be difficult when you have different attitudes to money and about what qualifies as a justifiable spend or purchase. X

katydo12

This sounds like me and my partner! Unfortunatley Ive always known that he is dreadful with money, and I chose to continue a relationship with him dispite this. He has got better over the years and is now happy to tell me what he spends his money on. Like your partner he also smokes and he does not drive so uses a lot of his money on public transport to and from work. We are also getting married but in two weeks! haha.
I can only suggest what the above poster suggests which is talking to him and explaining how difficult its becoming to manage money on your own and that he needs to take a little responsibility for things.
I think some people have never had to think about money and what they are spending until they get into a relationship and it can be very difficult to adjust to sharing things with a partner.
Rather than telling him what he can and cant spend, talk to him about the reasons why you would rather he spent on something else. My partner also used to whittle his money away on fruit machines which he still does spend on but not as much as he used to.
I think they grow up eventually it just takes them a while!

PasturesNew

madkoi wrote: »

...I control all the money & give him money each week to spend on tobacco & miscellaneous! My trouble is I dont know where half of it goes

You give him money - you don't need to know where it goes. If the fact he spends it all bothers you, then give him less.

Cat501

I'd be wary about asking him to justify his spending. You've chosen to give him a certain amount as an "allowance" for personal spending, and to my mind it's really up to him what he spends that particular money on - as long as it doesn't mean he's being bailed out in other areas.

Reducing his "allowance" is a different matter, tell him you need to save more so will be able to give him less for recreation.

Just spotted that PasturesNew has said pretty much the same thing, only more succinctly:D

vanoonoo

I agree wtih pasturesnew - its his money to spend as he pleases but if it's affecting your budget then give him less - fix an amount WITH HIM that's his to spend as he likes each week/month and agree with him that there is nothing extra once that amount is gone. agree with him what types of things that needs to cover (eg your birthday present or surprise flowers!)

with a gambling tendancy if it makes you jittery you need to consider your wedding venue - he will likely go nuts and betanything you have stashed on the first night on the first table. dont put temptation in his way.

out of interest whats making you want to get married? you already live together and have a child together, whats pushing you to get married?

SavingPennies_2

If he has gambling tendancies I can't understand why you are getting married in Vegas.


As other people have pointed out, if you give him £200 pound allowance to spend as he pleases and he spends it all on himself/gambling you cant really complain as thats what its for.
I think you are hoping if you give him £200 hundred he will choose to save it for the wedding but thats clearly wishful thinking. Maybe try giving him £100 to spend as he pleases and tell him the other £100 is going straight in the wedding pot.

wearegood

Show your excel, deposit and the expected cost for wedding. And I think he will know what you'd like to say.

PasturesNew

wearegood wrote: »

Show your excel, deposit and the expected cost for wedding. And I think he will know what you'd like to say.

... do you think you can double this with poker?

zippychick

As this has dropped down the OS board, i've moved this to the Families board as different attitudes to finance has been discussed here at great length

Good luck with sorting it out

Zip

Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere (please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com"]forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL].

katie1812

You have chosen when and where to get married and obviously with flights etc and everything you will want for the wedding you need to very precisely make a budget on excel for each little thing, eg. Dress, flowers, rings etc. and then how much you INTEND on spending on each thing. Once you've found the total work out how much you can realistically save each month and some months you may be able to put more in but ALWAYS. Put the minimum amount in to cover you up to a couple of months before.

Then go through it, talk, and decide what you will cut back on. I'm sorry but if he wants to get married then surely you and your child are the most important thing to hi (well should be in my opinion) so the roll ups should be cut back or stopped and the gambling needs to be less frequent too. Basically it's either save money by cutting back or struggle and stress paying for a wedding.

Sorry to sound harsh but we have saved every possibly penny for our wedding next month, we had planned to save over a year (June 2011 to June 2012) and with cutting back we had nearly £10,000 saved by Christmas. We went without a lot of the months, asking ourselves if we really needed to buy things but ultimately the wedding is the end goal and I wasn't prepared for a half-assed day!