Don't know what to do- lost my dad

Melonade

I'm so sorry to hear your in this situation

I'm not sure if this will help or if it's even correct (my solicitor turned out to be a bit useless)...

When my Nan died I was left her house which my Dad and Uncle live in. We rent a housing trust property but the CAB informed us that the HT would now expect us to get rent from them (this was against my Nans wishes, and mine) Anyway the solicitor seemed to think it would be almost impossible to evict them (never an option) as the property had been their home for 15 years plus. I'm not sure if your in this position or even if this will help you. You really need to speak to a solicitor. We got this info from our first 30 free minutes.

Good Luck.

Ninasmum

Thanks M- another friend has already suggested I discuss matters with a solicitor.

Melonade

Ninasmum wrote: »

BTW I am definitely looking to move out- I am breaking my heart every night here.

Sorry I didn't realise you plan on moving out Still I wish you luck in the future xx

daska

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Harsh or factual? I neither said nor suggested they should have done more for themselves in the past, I spoke in the present tense about renting or saving for a mortgage. Please read what I actually said instead of inferring criticism or judgement.

Perhaps this is a case of the choice of words not reflecting the intention behind them? I did read what you said originally and have read it again and I still find it harsh.

troubleinparadise

Dear Ninasmum

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss, and that you find yourself in this scary situation as well.

You say:

It was always my understanding that the house would be between myself and my sister- my dad always said that- and he had a will stating that too until about a year before he died when my mum said they should go to the solicitors and have one done for them both. The new will places everything in the hands of my mum, just as hers put everything in my dad's hands... but I'd not have worried for a second if dad had hers as he was always good with money.

In hospital, after the new will had been made and when dad was very ill he told me not to worry and that I'd always be taken of. I didn't ask him that, he told me. He said there was plenty of money and that I was entitled to my share. I didn't want money, I wanted my dad to come home.

I am assuming

places everything in the hands of my mum

means that your mother is both Executor and sole Benefactor of your father's estate.

Was your dad of "sound mind" ie, would he have understood what the will he was signing meant? Because if he changed his Will leaving everything to his estranged wife, your mother, and knew that was the case, then whatever he might have said to you about being entitled to your share is unfortunately unenforcable, as the generositiy of gift lies in the hands of your mother.

It sadly begs the question that had your father wanted to leave you either his house or cash, why did he make a will only a year before he died that leaves it all to your mother?

You could contest the will, but that will probably be a lengthy and expensive process, and your grounds are not clear cut.

You should get a copy of the Will and seek legal advice to understand clearly your position, and whether you have a case.

Ninasmum

Thanks for the input TIP- he died of brain cancer and the tumours were diagnosed a few months after the will was changed. I suspect that mum took him to the solicitors and struck a kind of deal with him- if he died first, everything went to her, if she died first vice versa. She told him she would then distribute the estate between us children and he would do the same for her. Its a huge shock that I am now in this position and yes it is frightening. I may consult a solicitor but currently my plans are to discuss the issue with my sister and my uncle- my mum's brother who I get on quite well with- to see what they would recommend and what my sister wants.

NewKittenHelp

To put this plainly - you have no rights to anything other than what your mother gives you. So discussing anything with anyone else is pointless and may work against you.

troubleinparadise

Dear Ninasmum,

Thanks for your additional information - it explains a bit more. Your poor Dad, what a miserable illness to have; just horrible for everyone involved.

I may consult a solicitor but currently my plans are to discuss the issue with my sister and my uncle- my mum's brother who I get on quite well with- to see what they would recommend and what my sister wants.

Could you have that meeting with your Mum as well? I say that because as NewKittenHelp rightly says, it may work against you if you are seen to be "going behind" your Mum's back. It may be that your uncle can be a mediator on your and your sister's behalf in persuading your mother to meet your father's verbal wishes, which you say she was aware of and agreed to do.

Its important to behave in the way you want your mother to - as reasonable, ethical and moral adults. That way you set the tone for any negotiations. The last thing you want is to antagonise her - she holds all the cards at present (well, all the money).

I do hope you are all able to find an outcome that meets everyone's needs, and keeps the family on reasonable terms. Sadly the combination of loss and money often seems to bring out the worst in families.

Mojisola

Ninasmum wrote: »

he died of brain cancer and the tumours were diagnosed a few months after the will was changed.

Ninasmum wrote: »

It was always my understanding that the house would be between myself and my sister- my dad always said that- and he had a will stating that too until about a year before he died when my mum said they should go to the solicitors and have one done for them both. The new will places everything in the hands of my mum, just as hers put everything in my dad's hands... but I'd not have worried for a second if dad had hers as he was always good with money.

In hospital, after the new will had been made and when dad was very ill he told me not to worry and that I'd always be taken of. I didn't ask him that, he told me. He said there was plenty of money and that I was entitled to my share.

Had his behaviour changed in the months prior to diagnosis? Could you argue that he didn't fully understand what he was doing when the new will was made?

Fire_Fox

daska wrote: »

Perhaps this is a case of the choice of words not reflecting the intention behind them? I did read what you said originally and have read it again and I still find it harsh.

There is nothing wrong with my choice of wording in this case, I speak plainly and factually. You read criticism of past actions when there were actually several practical suggestions, ie. how to move forwards, and I also expressed my condolences. Just because some people use plain language in a nasty way does not mean everyone is.