Don't know what to do- lost my dad

Ninasmum

***Have no idea what I am doing right now- so please can this be moved to the right place if it's not here, thanks.***

I lived with my dad until he died just under a fortnight ago. I am missing him terribly and as I have never run a home but just bought my food, paid board and my internet/phone bills I am terrified about trying to cope alone.

I have discovered that everything has effectively been left to my mum who is executor of the estate. I am becoming deeply concerned about this.

My mum and dad had been separated for over 10 years. They lived apart and mostly got on reasonably well. They were still legally married. Mum has her own home and lives there alone. I lived with my dad and my sister lives in a rented home with her husband. There's no other close family.

My first concern is that my mum is an idiot about money. She is the type to go on 4 holidays a year and then cry over credit card bills she can't pay! Honestly, I've been at my wits end with her many times, but her approach is 'you can't take it with you'.. Truthfully can't think of anyone less good with cash and who I'd less want to leave my money with if I died- it would go to my sis to sort out! But dad was always in love with her and hoped they'd get back together some day...

My other concern is that she and I have had regular fallings out over the years, she can be quite nasty when something is upsetting her and tends to pick fights- usually with me because we are very different people. We've not spoken for weeks at a time.

When we were at the solicitors for an initial meeting I commented that the house where I lived with dad and am currently staying would need to be transferred into my name and my sister's name as this was what dad had always said would happen, but my mother has said this will not happen and she will retain ownership and just pay the value when the house is sold. I can't imagine the stress I would experience trying to stay here, with no claim to the house at all and worrying about whether my mum and I are on good terms week to week- the original idea has been that I get a few months to deal with what's happened and check where I want to live, but I don't know if I could do that without the security of my name being there somewhere. Also it's too easy to imagine her just wanting some of the sale value here or there at the end as who knows what situation she'll be in when it finally does sell.

Truthfully don't know what to do now. I'm really panicking. It's not that i don't love my mum but I know what she's like and what financial states she gets into! I am scared and have no idea if I can do anything at all.

What I really want is for the house to be divided between myself and my sister, and the papers relating to the property to reflect that, and for any remaining estate after costs have been paid to be split as close to possible three ways between us. Perhaps I'm being unreasonable, I don't know, but as mum and dad lead financially separate lives I guess I feel that as his children we should receive most- I know my sister has some debts to pay.

Any thoughts welcome. I'm just still so sad and lonely and now have this added stress to deal with.

[Deleted User]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I know everyone on this forum will be wanting to help. You don't say how old you are but I am assuming under 18 if your mother has been appointed executor. Looking at your post again, I might be wrong, if so I apologise.

You sound so sensible and clear thinking in spite of what is happening.., well done.

I would advise you to see a solicitor promptly, most do a free half hour first consultation. Have a look online or in the phone book and phone around, explain your situation and see if they have a solicitor who specialises in this kind of situation and will give u a free first half hour appointment. If they don't ask if they know who might.

It might also be worth finding a youth advocate organisation if you are under 18. Try http://www.nyas.net/.., in fact they might be good as a first port of call. Or just google youth advocates and see if something helpful comes up.

Please let us know how its going. Wishing you all the best.

NewKittenHelp

What does the will say? Have you actually been left the house?

CH27

If your dad wanted the house to be left to you & your sister he should have specified it in his Will.

Can you afford to rent somewhere?

Gigervamp

Sorry for your loss.

Did your dad leave a will? If so, then whatever he put in the will is what will happen. If he didn't leave a will, as your parents never divorced, I believe that everything will go to your mum, regardless of what your dad said he wanted to happen.

onlyroz

I'm afraid it's not enough to go by what you think your dad wanted - it's what his will states that counts, and if there is no will then everything passes to your mum. It's then up to her to decide what to do with his assets.

LisaLou1982

Im so sorry for your loss OP. I lost my dad 3 years ago and miss him everyday. There are parts of the first month that i cant even remember.

With regards to your mum, if there is a valid will then that will stand. If you were dependant on your dad you can contest it but will need legal advice regarding this.

You can put an objection in against probate which will delay probate being granted. If you genuinely feel that the will is wrong and you want to contest it you will need to contact the probate office immediately to stop the grant being given

rpc

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm afraid it's not enough to go by what you think your dad wanted - it's what his will states that counts, and if there is no will then everything passes to your mum. It's then up to her to decide what to do with his assets.

That depends on which country OP is in. Rules are different in Scotland.

However, it sounds as if there is a will. The letter of what is written must be carried out. Probate will almost certainly be required, so OP will be able to obtain a copy at some point even if mum does not cooperate.

Who owns the house and in what fashion? If mum and dad owned it together, it is very significant whether it is joint tenants or tenants in common (England) or if there is a survivorship clause (Scotland).

floss2

I'm sorry for your loss.

What matters is not what you, your sister or even your mother want to happen, but what is written in your dad's will. It is costly (and probably foolish) to challenge a will based on what you believe your dad would have wanted to happen to his house without any written evidence to back up that belief.

daska

It's not quite correct to state that the letter of the will must be carried out exactly as written as, in the UK, Wills can be amended after death as long as all parties agree. Unfortunately, if your mum is sole executor and beneficiary, you are totally at her mercy in that regard so it would seems that your only options are to appeal to her better nature and/or to take legal advice on contesting the will - do you have anything in writing from your dad reassuring you that you would be left the house? Be warned though that contesting Wills generally only makes money for the solicitors involved, and the costs wouldn't come out of the estate.

As your mum has stated that she'll give you the value of the house when it is sold, I can't see what financial benefit she envisages getting from retaining ownership - will she be paying all the maintenance bills, charging you rent?

You might be able to apply a little emotional pressure such as discussing this with the solicitor, in front of her, and asking how you can preserve that inheritance against being sold to pay for care fees before you inherit (that avoids asking how to protect it from her living the high life). Would she be amenable to putting it in a trust or having a charge put against it in your names so that the local authority cannot force it to be used?

Fire_Fox

Very sorry to read of your loss. If your father left all his assets to your mother that was his right and his wish, it's none of your business if she blows it all in a casino in one night. Maybe your father didn't leave you the house because he wanted you to stand on your own two feet? There is no 'should receive' here, if you want financial security it's up to you to create that for yourself by working hard, saving for a deposit and taking on a mortgage of your own. In the mean time you will need to rent like everyone else.

Everyone is frightened when they first leave home and start being responsible for rent/ mortgage and all the bills, can you move somewhere with your sister so you have someone to share the responsibility with? According to your other threads you are in your thirties, so plenty old enough to make adult decisions and take on adult responsibilities. Maybe ask your doctor to refer you for counselling to deal with your grief and with the transition from sheltered child to responsible adult?

AFAIK your mother doesn't have the right to simply evict you, she would need to serve two months notice to quit. Nor can she easily draw on the value of the property before it is sold. Contact the solicitor if you feel she is not carrying out the role of executor according to the law.