worred about brother's baby

bikerqueen

presumably you're not there all the time? lots of people want a bit of tv and a rest in the day, they could be playing at other times

Nenen

Might your sil have post natal depression? If she has, then that would account for lack of motivation to do housework and/or play with the baby. Was her house reasonably clean before the baby arrived? Does she appear different in any way since the birth? I ask this as PND doesn't always manifest itself in crying/sadness etc. It can be extreme anxiety or lack of motivation or lack of any real feelings (just feeling 'numb') or a whole host of other things. Many women (particularly well educated ones) are good at covering up aspects of PND in front of others as they feel guilty and ashamed... this is even more likely if they have waited for a long time to have a baby and it is a very much wanted baby... they believe that they should be feeling overjoyed and strongly bonded and then feel overwhelming guilt if that doesn't happen. I can thoroughly recommend Home Start and applaud thr pp who volunteers for this organisation... they are brilliant!:A

I think that in your situation, if you are sure your sil has not got PND I would be inclined to play with the baby in front of the parents... sit her on your knee and sing nursery rhymes, play peek-a-boo, bring little books to read to her, toys to play with (very cheap in charity shops)... anything to get her smiling and chuckling. Maybe when your brother and sil see her reactions they will get the idea.

evilwitch

overlykeensaver wrote: »

I wonder if any of you can help with a difficult situation.
My parents are very worried about my brother's baby. Their house is very dirty, as if they haven't cleaned it in ages (ie months!) They also seem to leave their baby lying on the carpet with the tv on in the background while they go about their business in other parts of the house.

Now I know that we have probably l all have done this (when our babies weren't crawling all over the place!) but not for as long as they do.

My sister in lawhas the tv on all day when she is at home with her baby too. We are also worried because they don't really pay their baby any attention apart from feeding, changing and so on. There doesn't seem to be any playing going on!

Are we right to be worried (about sister as well as baby!)?
What can we say to encourage her to play with her baby without causing an almighty row?

thank you

Have highlighted certain aspects of your post I identify with. My dd is just one and I've been trying to overcome PND since it was diagnosed last May and would echo waht others have said about it being a possibility depending on what she was like pre-baby.

Some days I struggle to even bother to clear the breakfast dishes to the sink let alone wash them. It sounds so easy to run the hoover around but some days I can't do anything. Having the tv on can be a welcome distraction from the baby at times which, and I'm really ashamed to admit, is all I want some days. I wish she wasn't here and I find it an uphill battle to do anything constructive other than basic care with her.

When she was small I'd leave her on her playmat and wander off just to be away from her, some days (hanging head in shame) I still wish she was that small so I could be away from her but she follows me around now and hollers like mad if I leave her for anything.

I hope you'll understand that writing this was really difficult for me as it feels like I am admitting to the world that I am a bad mum, which I know is the PND, but is how I feel but I just wanted to give a side to a possible reason behind this rather than just a can't be bothered with the baby/lack of knowledge on play.

I don't know how close you are but if possible mention to her or OH about PND if her behavior is really different to pre-baby. Probably best approach OH first as he'd have noticed any other changes which might point to PND being likely or not.

If this isn't the case then I don't really know what to suggest other than maybe showing by example. Get down and play with baby and get him/her smiling and laughing and gurgling back so they can see how enjoyable play can be with even the weeniest ones and how short a play session actually needs to be so baby gets the benefit and gets nicely tired as well as its not like you have to sit and play for hours on end to entertain them.

Penny-Pincher!!

Is the baby being fed and growing at a normal rate? Social Services wouldnt get involved just because of a dirty home. For the SS to get involved, the child would need to be at risk of serious harm.

Can you not talk to your brother about your concerns

PP
xx

Nenen

evilwitch wrote: »

Have highlighted certain aspects of your post I identify with. My dd is just one and I've been trying to overcome PND since it was diagnosed last May and would echo waht others have said about it being a possibility depending on what she was like pre-baby.

Evilwitch, so sorry you are struggling with PND... it's a really miserable condition as I well know. The worst thing of all IMHO is the way it affects one's feelings towards one's baby and how much effort it takes to overcome this. Have you seen your GP or got any meds etc? Also have you got any support from family and/or friends? If not I can really recommend Homestart. Good luck

bikerqueen

I would not recommend criticising their parenting style if you wish to maintain a good relationship with them.

You play with them etc when you see the baby, but unless you're there all the time I think it's a bit harsh to criticise the way they are bringing their little one up.

liney

Perhaps they are taking advantage of you being their to get on with some jobs as you are there to watch the baby? We cant give baby full attention all day. We'd never get anything done.

Developmently is baby quite normal? Does she respond as you would expect?
Perhaps you could do that really annoying thing which is talking to an adult through a baby - 'What have we been doing today then?' to baby. Mom may respond 'We just came back from the park' She may not.... but its worth the innocent question.

steveeeee

frivolous_fay wrote: »

I have a degree and I'm 30 this year, and I can assure you baby care is not covered in most degree courses!

There was no mention of it on my Electronic Engineering degree course! :rotfl:

I wish there had been as it would be quite useful in a few months' time.

overlykeensaver

thanks all for your thoughts and comments. I know it is extremely difficult to comment on people's parenting (ie impossible!) so I will tread very lightly.

And yes I have thought that maybe they are having a break because I am there, it is just that something doesn't seem quite right.

I am close to SiL but not sure if I could raise PND, or in actual fact not sure how I would go about asking about it.

I know that a degree doesn't qualify you to look after a child and I apologise if people got the wrong impression with that comment - I just meant that they obviously have a vague level of intelligence!

I have a baby myself so know how hard it is to play all the time and be wanted all the time and sometimes I have to force myself when all I want time to myself. There is just something I can't put my finger on.

Well I will just look out for little baba and keep on playing!

thank you so much for your comments, you MSE's are fab.

Psykicpup

I have to add the 1st thing I thought was PND - it isn't something that just affects parents of newborns, it can start months(years?) later too.
I agree - play with Bubs so they can see how much fun it is & baby gets the benefit too.
Why not also help out with the cleaning too - you can always use the excuse that its fun doing someone elses housework rather than your own (very true no lie there!)
Do bear in mind tho that what you & family see is only a little bit of the whole picture & they might be acting differently in front of you/them than when they are alone!

What are they doing when they leave LO on the floor btw? (doesnt sound like its housework...)
& is baby starting to get mobile yet?

Dont be too harsh in the way you think of them (mile in someones shoes thing) & remember a little dirt never any harm lol