worred about brother's baby

overlykeensaver

I wonder if any of you can help with a difficult situation.
My parents are very worried about my brother's baby. Their house is very dirty, as if they haven't cleaned it in ages (ie months!) They also seem to leave their baby lying on the carpet with the tv on in the background while they go about their business in other parts of the house.

Now I know that we have probably l all have done this (when our babies weren't crawling all over the place!) but not for as long as they do.

My sister in lawhas the tv on all day when she is at home with her baby too. We are also worried because they don't really pay their baby any attention apart from feeding, changing and so on. There doesn't seem to be any playing going on!

Are we right to be worried (about sister as well as baby!)?
What can we say to encourage her to play with her baby without causing an almighty row?

thank you

hamletcigars

How old is the child/parents?

back2square1

From a social services point of view the only concern for the baby is if it as risk of being in danger or neglected so badly it could result in detrimental effects on the baby. You mentioned the housework being neglected, how bad is it though?? When the baby is able to be moving about will the parents clean the house then so the baby does not touch or eat anything harmful??

How often is the baby cleaned? Are nappies changed soon after baby has had a poo? Is the baby underweight, any health concerns?

There are charity organisations nationwide such as Home-start who are brilliant in giving support to families with young children. Does the parents of this baby need support? Would they accept support from others? Whether that be family, friends, Home-start volunteer??

Do you know whether the Health Visitor regularly visits the parents and baby? Find out, because the Health Visitor is someone who definitely treats the baby as a number 1 priority when he/she visits.

In the interests of the baby (that is the priority here), are you and other members of the family able to visit often? I know it is not your responsibility but you could make sure the baby is bathed, cleaned, fed, etc and as you have also stated gets to play with someone. Just pop by and say you would like to visit them all, and offer to give baby a bath or something. Dont let them get suspicious for your motives tho, as this could cause a row.

Unfortunately not all parents have the same interests as others in their children but we do have to accept there could be other reasons behind these such as post natal depression, or the parents simply have not adjusted too well to having a baby around. This is where the baby (essentially) but the parents can benefit from some support. As I have mentioned above.

I hope my advice helps, if you want to find out whether there is a local Home-start organisation in your area then please go to their website via Google search.

I work for Home-start supporting families with young children and after support is given the situation for the family usually improves dramatically.

overlykeensaver

thanks for your repliea. the baby is 7 months old and isell looked after in terms of feeding, cahanging and so on. It is the lack of other interaction that is starting to cause concern.

hamletcigars

Could it just be they are tired ,if the baby isn't sleeping through the night for instance and the adults are tired ,it's sometimes hard to 'play' when all you really want is sleep

Prehaps trying to spend time playing with the child yourself or other family members could take the pressure off a bit ,it could just be you don't see the 'play' times though

back2square1

All I can say then is for you and other members of family to visit and give the baby the interaction it needs. Offer to babysit, offer to have baby overnight or all day Saturday/Sunday. You can give the baby what it is missing out on. Tell your brother about what great things you have done together and how much the baby really loved it.

Hopefully they may pick up on this and try and do the same. They must realise sitting inside watching tv all day is not doing them any good as well as the baby. Now the weather is going to improve (fingers crossed) and Summer is upon us then that might encourage the parents to take the baby out more, or want to get out more themselves.

Having a baby is a major lifechanging experience and it takes alot to adapt to. Sometimes parents can get stuck in a rut and it is hard to pull yourself out of it. One thing for sure though, it can't be making them happy and their life's fulfilled watching tv all day.

Support, encouragement and being there for them as a friend etc really does help. One rule though, do not tell them what to do, just steer them in the right direction. Only suggest something if they are asking you for advice. It is very difficult for any parent(s) to accept advice on a job/responsibility they are meant to get right everytime so tread carefully.

Your positive attitude should rub off on them. If it all fails or things become really bad try and speak to them, see if they will open up to you or anyone else. Health Visitors are brilliant and can get all the necessary support put in place. However, Home-start do take self-referrals they don't HAVE to be done via Social Worker or Health Visitor.

overlykeensaver

I think that they are finding it hard to adjust to having a baby - they are in their 30s and have degrees so they should really know about playing with their baby shouldn't they?

It is tricky but I think I will just keep up being positive as back2square1 said and hope they will realise that their baby needs to be played with!

Thank you.

frivolous_fay

overlykeensaver wrote: »

I think that they are finding it hard to adjust to having a baby - they are in their 30s and have degrees so they should really know about playing with their baby shouldn't they?

I have a degree and I'm 30 this year, and I can assure you baby care is not covered in most degree courses!

I'm from a family of four and looked after my siblings, so I'd like to think I have an idea of what to do, but please don't assume it comes naturally to everyone.

Carmina_Piranha_3

overlykeensaver wrote: »

they are in their 30s and have degrees

so they are used to living in mucky student houses, that explains the lack of worry about dirt

i don't know what to say, this sounds very different to how our toddler was treated as a baby, he was demanding and had so many songs, books, tickles etc. we rarely had a second to ourselves. but if as you say they are changing and feeding the baby properly then it doesn't sound like neglect.

what are they doing while the baby is alone, or shouldn't i ask? i know plenty of mums who leave their baby to amuse itself while they spend hours doing housework each day although they do usually take the baby into the room they are in, so baby can see them and they can talk as they are doing the housework.

black-saturn

Theyre probably not too sure about what to do with a new baby. Perhaps when he starts to interact a bit they will give him more attention.

Justie

you might want to encourage them along to toddler groups etc - it can be very hard with a small baby to know what to do and your sis in law is probably tired and lacking in get up and go. If she can get into a routine of going out more and meeting other mums and children then she may feel more confident in her parenting skills and more able to interact.