Advice for somebody who has hit an all time low

mountainofdebt

I know when I'm down I tend to think of how I've got it better (even if its small things) than others.

That's usually after I've had a good 10 minutes (but only 10 minutes mind) wallowing cry.

poorly_scammo

larmy16 wrote: »

You know those days when it absolutely pours with rain. Go out in it, get absolutely drenched. Walk for about half an hour or more if you can. there is nothing like it for removing the black dog from your head.

You come in, soaked, grab a towel and dry your hair. Maybe run a bath, have a cup of tea, curl up on the sofa. Get involved in a good book. Read "The Help" by katherine stockett. Fantastic. (I think that is the author).

It's free and it's a bl@@dy good therapy.

Also a big hug for you. I know that feeling and it is horrible.

Brilliant advice!

And OP if it isn't raining jump in the shower with your clothes on. It has the desired effect too.

Apparently, by doing one of the above, you distract yourself from your feelings. It really works.

gravitytolls

balletshoes wrote: »

I think it probably depends on why you've hit your low, as to what people might advise. I wouldn't avoid my GP though, if I really was very low.

I agree.

Why do you want to avoid your GP? Is it because you don't want it on your notes? Or is it simply because hiding away is the preferred choice to getting out, telling someone face to face and truly facing up to the fact that you need a little support?

I know this very well. Last time I spoke to my GP, he asked why I'd left it so long, and I told him I dind't want to talk to anyone. I only made the call when I couldn't face another sleepless night filled with panic and weeping.

gravitytolls

poorly_scammo wrote: »

Brilliant advice!

And OP if it isn't raining jump in the shower with your clothes on. It has the desired effect too.

Apparently, by doing one of the above, you distract yourself from your feelings. It really works.

See, I'd just think 'now there's puddles all over the floor, and I can't fry these sopping wet clothes. Bit like the reason I don't smash stuff ~ I'd like to, I know hurling pottery across the kitchen and watching it smash into a myriad tiny pieces would be such a release. But the cleaning up afterwards stops me.

Course, I'm a miserable cow.;)

Savvy_Sue

gravitytolls wrote: »

See, I'd just think 'now there's puddles all over the floor, and I can't fry these sopping wet clothes.

I'm guessing your Ds and your Fs are now getting confused, but the thought of gt, a giant wok, and some gently steaming underwear has amused me briefly ...

gravitytolls wrote: »

Course, I'm a miserable cow.;)

Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with being a miserable cow.

*Robin*

Mrs.W wrote: »

Looking at your other post, OP, it looks as if you're feeling down because friends and family might not make a big thing of your (important) birthday due to tight times.

What? :eek: Really, is that the OP's problem? Well, in that case it's no surprise she doesn't want to go to the GP!

Mrs.W wrote: »

Add: I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Go on as the woman she taught you to be!

..Maybe this is the underlying - much more valid - reason OP is upset?

Grief is a strange emotion and there are no time limits on when it can suddenly become overwhelming.

Unfortunately I know all about that, - but my earlier comments still apply; the best thing one can do is find someone who needs help and make an effort to improve their life. It works,

londonsurrey

*Robin* wrote: »

What? :eek: Really, is that the OP's problem? Well, in that case it's no surprise she doesn't want to go to the GP!

In itself, it sounds like nothing. But that's not to say that it doesn't represent a larger problem.

I had the same thing with my 40th. Boohoo, you can say, big deal.

Yes, after a lifetime of working hard, being supportive and generous to friends and family, at the expense of my own resources, my husband died unexpectedly.

So after I had lost so much emotionally and was facing financial ruin, my lovely large crowd of friends and family, to whom I'd given expensive presents and surprise parties, instead of reciprocating during "my turn" and at a time when I REALLY needed showing that I hadn't actually lost everything, what did they do?

A party? Presents, even small token? Phone calls?
Like hell they did. I got a couple of simpering cards saying that I was "still family, and they were always there for me" - yes, except that the last time I saw my BIL, he said he'd "be in touch" about some much needed work, and I got emails from both my SILs saying their husbands would "be in touch about the DIY", and that was 2 years ago.

So birthday party, big deal.
But did it represent a lot more, and point to what a total failure and waste of life I'd had after trying so hard to be a good friend and relative?

I can say this much - there was a huge gaping chasm where a person with a happy fulfilled life with supportive friends and family would have pointed.

Does the party take on more significance now?

londonsurrey

Petal, you can get through this. Just start by talking. Talk to us, talk to others, talk to any of the organisations that are available.

I've been there, hit rock bottom, still do, and the world ends.

You are entitled to be upset. You are entitled to be upset about the party, at people, at what they say to you. You are entitled to be sad, to be angry, and to kick *ss sometimes.

You are also entitled to help, sympathy.

Things haven't turned out the way you wanted, the people around you have let you down. But you know what? There are better people out there, decent people. And you start to find them by starting to talk.

*Robin*

londonsurrey wrote: »

Does the party take on more significance now?

Please see the second part of my post:

Mrs.W wrote:

Add: I am so sorry for the lose of your mother. Go on as the woman she taught you to be!

*Robin* wrote:

.Maybe this is the underlying - much more valid - reason OP is upset?

Grief is a strange emotion and there are no time limits on when it can suddenly become overwhelming.

Unfortunately I know all about that, - but my earlier comments still apply; the best thing one can do is find someone who needs help and make an effort to improve their life. It works,

Londonsurrey, I do know what I'm talking about; my husband died in agony a month ago and I too have a 'significant' birthday this week - we were planning to celebrate. Instead, the party guests came to the funeral and the money we'd allocated to my birthday bash has been given away (a bit to our kids and most to charity where it will help those more in need).

My 'significant day' will be spent in quiet contemplation; taking the dogs out along my husband's favourite walk, and visiting his grave. It will be enough - I promised DH I'd make the most of however many days I have left before joining him. My contemplation will probably consist of trying to work out how on earth I am going to achieve that, without my best friend and soul-mate to bounce ideas off and work with.

Even if I felt like having a whoopee-birthday, the guests would be embarrassed and awkward; after a bereavement is just not the right time to party. We don't know how long it is since OP's Mum passed on, maybe that is affecting the feelings of her family and friends?
I'm sorry to hear that when it happened to you Londonsurrey, you felt your friends had abandoned you. They probably thought they were being considerate and didn't want to appear too nosy - or they just didn't know what to say.
I have chosen to spend my day alone, although several friends and family have offered to take me on a choice of excursions instead of the party.

londonsurrey

*Robin* wrote: »

Does the party seem so important now?

Yes, it does. The OP is entitled to feel that HER party is important.

Just because your husband died doesn't mean that she can't grieve over her losses and what she didn't get. She has in no shape or fashion stated the loss of her party is more important than your loss. She is someone who has hit her lowest ebb, and is asking for help.